Never Again
by ExistInspire
Summary: What happens to one of the New Directions when he comes up close and personal with life after the music?
1. Where It All Begins

**Disclaimer:**I own nothing. Are you serious?! Can't I just own Sam Evans for a little while? Pretty please?

**Summary:** What happens to one of the New Directions when he comes up close and personal with life after the music?

**Authors Note:** This fiction is completely AU. I may refer to canon moments momentarily but much like my first fiction, you have to expand your mind here. It's going off the reservation considerably. It will also touch on a very delicate issue which I hope I can write with the dignity and respect it deserves. So tread lightly in later chapters as it makes itself apparent. In advance, thank you for any reviews or reads this story gets.

* * *

I have never faced something like this and it scares the hell out of me.

Look I know I'm probably guilty of saying that a lot given everything that I've been through but in this case its true. Dealing with what I've now found myself right in the middle of, it makes me feel as if I've been sheltered my entire life.

Lets face it, I'm an immature kid. I've had my mature moments sure, but none of the stuff I've been through could have ever prepared me for what I'd deal with when I went away to college. It's times like this I really miss the safety of that choir room and the love and support of the people that were in it with me.

Facing this now brings back all of those memories, instances that every single day since they happened I had been trying to get ahead of. It reminds me of where I've been, and where I always wanted to go. It also shines a really bright light on how much I've truly overcome in my time spent in Ohio.

When my dad lost his job and we lost the house, as strong as I knew I needed to be for the rest of my family, especially my mom and little brother and sister I was dying inside. It scared me and looking back to how I was then I didn't think it could get any worse. All of us, crammed into that little room basically relying on the generosity of strangers, I felt like such a chump. I should have been able to take care of them and to make sure we never even reached that point. I was just off being the high school football star, dealing with the breakup I'd had with the head cheerleader and basically ignoring all of the signs around me.

I had my first experience with real life then and the toll it can take and for most of it I'd just had my head buried in the sand. I didn't want anyone to know because knowing leads to judgement and once that happens everything goes to hell. I couldn't take the sympathetic eyes, the prayers, the need for people to feel sorry for me. It was just too much.

I stepped up at that point. I took responsibility and I did what I needed to do for my family. The day I sold my guitar was probably the worst day of my life. Walking into that pawn shop, with what I considered to be my most prized possession and giving it away for a lot less then it was worth so that I could somehow hold up my end of the bargain in taking care of my family, it shook me to the core.

I'd gotten it back of course, thanks to those people I mentioned earlier from the choir room. They had proven then, just how much they cared about me and it wasn't ever forgotten. Even as I sit here now, years after that all took place, in my dorm room at OSU, I'm so thankful for my time there and for opening up to them the way I did because I don't think I'd be where I am now without them. All of them.

We had to move later that year and I had to leave them all behind, doing what I needed to do for my family, supporting them in the only way I knew how and no one really gets how much that hurt. So getting to go back was like a dream coming true. I missed them all that much.

Going back though, it didn't come without its share of bombshells. Like getting caught by Finn and Rachel in a strip club. Being the stripper. It was a life altering moment for me but also another one of my steps into the real world.

I had the body, and most people would probably tell you I lacked the brain power, so stripping seemed like a natural choice. I wasn't entirely shy about my body so taking my clothes off in order to help support my family was easy. Enormous amounts of money for doing very little and getting to support my family, it was a win-win.

Not the way I envisioned spending the rest of my life but I was secure in the fact that for once I could really do my part. I was just as much a part of the Evans family as my mother and father, and I felt I was old enough to handle making decisions like the one I'd made and supporting them made me feel like less of chump.

I don't strip anymore. As easy as it was, it was never my dream and I went back to McKinley and back to the New Directions, my second family. Where no matter what, I just felt right. In doing so though, I think I also went back to living my life in a bubble. I knew what the real world could hold for you, especially with the economy being as bad as it was, but the safety of being a teenager was alluring. So I welcomed that bubble again. The one where the real world could wait and I would just get to it later.

I'm 22 now. I'm an adult. I'm standing on my own two feet, as a University student, a mediocre job paying my day to day bills and I'm living the dream. Or at least I'm attempting to live the dream. I had spent the last 4 years doing everything that I needed to do to get me to where I am now while still holding on to the dream that the real world could wait and I'd get to it later. With what I now faced, I couldn't do that anymore.

The real world wasn't going to wait anymore. It was demanding that I stand up and take action now. That I do what I've always done in times past and be a man, even if the instances before were before I was actually ready. I had to step up.

I had to save her.

No, if I'm honest it was about more then that. I didn't just need to save her.

I needed to save myself too.


	2. Good Times Gone

**Authors Note:** First person character change here. It's primarily going to be told through Sam's point of view throughout this story but sometimes, for it to work, especially in this case, it's got to have the other character too, so this is where this chapter comes in. Also, its a flashback chapter.

* * *

**One Month Prior**

I'd made him angry again, which never meant anything good.

It hadn't always been that way. When we first met things had been so perfect. Him, an actor, looking to make his mark on what he believed to be a failing industry and me, with my wide eyes and innocent view on the world wanting to make my very own mark on the world, but mine in terms of music.

Two very determined individuals, wanting to change the world with their art, their talent. Seems like a match made in heaven doesn't it? Then why was that match turning from the light into the darkness and was there any way to get it back to where it had been in the beginning?

The abuse had started six months ago. No one knows about it, other then the two of us but the more time that goes on where I don't speak out it just gets worse instead of better. It started out with small verbal attacks then progressing over time into the physical realm and now is an unhealthy combination of both, meant of course to hit me at my very core.

I know its not him talking when he says the hateful things he does, that something is going on deep inside of him but no matter how much I tow the line and make things easy and perfect for him, nothing seems to appease the darkness that lurks inside. I can't make things right and even though I've been blaming myself for all of it all these months, I'm starting to realize now that its not my fault. I didn't make him this way, and nothing I can do will stop it. It has to come from him. He has to be the one to change.

The last fight was my breaking point. I couldn't take it anymore. I was walking a tightrope. Spending every day walking on eggshells, so as not to set him off. I was drained of life, of energy and more then all of that, of the light that I'd had the day we met. With each physical beating he was killing me, the addition of the emotional, compounding it further.

I had to get out now before he not only stole my light, but also my life as well. As I picked myself up from the floor after our most recent argument, I knew it was now or never. I couldn't back down anymore. I had to run.

It had all started out innocent. He had asked me a couple of months before to take care of his bookings. Making sure he was set up for all the right auditions and from there the call backs. I had believed myself to be doing everything the way he wanted me to, right down to the letter. Oh, how wrong I was.

"_You must be pleased with yourself."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_I was supposed to have an audition today. For a very important role on a television series, one that I had been preparing for, for weeks. Guess what audition I missed today?"_

"_I have no idea what you're talking about. You didn't tell me about any upcoming auditions. You mentioned a call back but that was next week."_

_I felt the sting before actually realizing what had happened. He had hit me. This wasn't the first time. I knew I had brought it on, I had talked back. I was amazed I could actually feel anything anymore, given how many times it had happened._

"_You're saying I'm wrong?"_

"_No! Of course not, I just don't remember it."_

"_Well if you actually paid attention when I talked then maybe you wouldn't forget. It also helps not to be a complete and utter moron."_

_He was in my face now, pushing me back up against the wall, his eyes never leaving mine. I was scared and he knew it. My heart was racing knowing that this is how it always started, sensing instinctively what would come next. He was far from done with me._

"_I'm sorry!"_

"_Oh you're gonna be sorry." He shoved his weight into me then, knocking me to the ground, immediately following it up by crouching down to my level on the floor. "I don't even know what I'm doing with someone like you. You can't do anything right. You're a complete waste of air."_

_I felt his hands on my face, rubbing his fingers across my jawline. As much as I wanted to believe he wouldn't do it, I knew the way he operated when he was this angry. I knew what I had coming to me. When it happened though, it was a lot worse then I ever expected it to be._

"_Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just end the stupidity streak right now huh? Do the fucking world a favour and rid it of you."_

_His hands now around my neck, I felt them squeezing, each second a little tighter then the next. This was really happening. He was finally doing what he had been threatening to do for months. He was going to kill me. This is where I would die._

_I clawed at his hands with my fingers, trying with everything I had to pry his hands away knowing that I was losing air, and then strength with each passing second that I couldn't get him off me. _

_I couldn't die this way. I couldn't let this be the last vision I saw before my time was up._

_He released his hands then, leaving me gasping for air, struggling with everything in me to breath normally again. _

"_No Megan, you won't die here today. That would be too easy but maybe next time, you pay fucking attention when you're told to do something. You always make me do this."_

_He hit me then, a direct punch into my abdomen, the one area he knew wouldn't leave visible marks. He was smart that way of course. Never leaving a mark that someone would see and begin to question. The first time he'd hit me he hadn't been as smart and he'd left a black eye. It was a mistake he would never make again because it hadn't taken long before people began to question it. Another thing that I had paid for._

_Struggling to maintain both of our careers on a daily basis, it was my job to be just as in the public eye as it was his. Having the image of a woman with a black eye that couldn't be explained away easily was not something he needed at this point in his career. Knowing this made him smarter about what happened the next time because with him, there was always a next time. _

"_I'm—sorry." I managed to choke out, the air finally replacing itself within my lungs. _

"_Yes you better believe you're sorry. Don't let it happen again."_

_He turned to walk away then and I thought I was finally safe. Or at least as safe as I could be given what had just happened. As I placed my hands on the floor to try and raise myself up, it happened._

_He grabbed me, and pushed me back down to the floor. His hands not moving as the icy cold words poured from his lips._

"_No one told you to get up. You're filth. A piece of crap that no one bothers to scrape off the sidewalk, so be a good little piece of shit and stay on the floor where you belong."_

He had almost killed me this time. All of the times before had been brutal but when he placed his hands around my neck, taking my air away without a second thought I knew he had reached the point of no return with me.

He would gladly take my life if I didn't do something now to stop him. I had to get out of here. I had to get away from him once and for all. I knew how it would play out. I knew he would look for me, the same way he had the last time I had tried running away from him, but there was no other alternative for me now.

It was leave or be killed. I knew it just as easily as I knew my own name. I had to get out now.

I had sworn a few years before that I'd never go back, that I was better then the place where I grew up, but I had no other alternative now. Grabbing as little as I could as quickly as I could, I made my way out of our apartment.

It was time for me to go back to Lima.

It was time for me to go home.


	3. A New Direction

**Authors** **Note: **To anyone that has read and reviewed thus far, or even favorited or followed, I thank you. I appreciate all of you :) On with the story.

* * *

When I graduated from McKinley almost 4 years ago, I had this view of the way I thought that my life would turn out. I went through the same confusion that everyone else did of course, not knowing where I'd end up, what I really wanted to do with my life but it wasn't to the same extreme as the others.

I was, as my coaches can attest, an amazing football player. I could pretty much use that and gain entrance to any school of my choice. What I failed at academically I could most definitely make up for through my athletic ability and for the most part I did. I put everything I had into making myself a better player, both on the team and off of it.

I had the glee club of course and as Blaine likes to tell me every chance he gets, I had the music in my soul and I'd be a fool not to use it but I also knew that I wasn't as strong as others in that regard so I fell back to what I knew I excelled at.

Not many people know this about me but I enjoy art. I showed that side of myself to Blaine when we were in our final year, because there really is no one else that I feel more comfortable being myself with then him. He saw that part of me but not many others did. I didn't ever look at it like something I could continue with as my high school career came to an end, but as my life moved on, it did become a bigger part of who I am.

In the end as enticing as it was to go back to where my family now resided and continue out my aspirations there with them, surrounded by all the love and support I needed, I chose to go a different path.

Every adult I had ever come into contact with has always managed to tell me that in order for me to really live my life the way I'm meant to, I needed to follow my own path and branch out on my own. To make choices that were right for me to get where I was going and not ones that always had someone else behind them. I wasn't the only one that this speech was given too either. I'd seen it take form with a lot of my former classmates.

Artie had followed his heart and his dreams, even with the fear of leaving behind his mother and gone to New York to work on becoming a world famous director, something I knew he would always succeed at. I had that much faith in his abilities. Brittany had also done the same in going after and obtaining her MIT acceptance. Rachel followed her dream to New York even though in the end it meant giving up her other dream of a life with Finn Hudson.

All around me were examples of following your dreams and making your own path in life and now it was my turn. The decision was actually easier then I'd imagined it ever could be because not only did I get to go to college and do what I did best in playing football, but I also got to combine my other dreams and guilty pleasures and learn from them, making them stronger.

I'm currently studying at Ohio State University, as an art major. I work at a coffee bar that hosts open mic nights every Friday, giving me the chance to showcase my musical abilities and I get to play football. So when I said that I'm living the dream, I really meant it. I was living my dream. Having the chance to do everything I've ever dreamed of and all in the same place.

The best part of it all was that I wasn't alone. I got to go to OSU and have one of my friends right there with me. So while I might not be with my parents and my brother and sister, surrounded with their support on a daily basis, I was surrounded by the next best thing. My friends, who were so close to me they might as well have been family.

Blaine was only a half hour away from me, majoring in Musical Theatre at Ohio Northern University, and I got to see him all the time due to the fact that his girlfriend Cheryl; who was also Ryder Lynn's sister, was also studying at OSU right along with me. While we had different goals, and because of this, different majors, we'd become close since my parlay into the college world and it was nice having a friend, even a new one like her, to rely on.

It is usually the case with high school friendships and relationships that they just don't carry on later in life but I'm so thankful that my friendship with Blaine and Cheryl stood the test of that and in fact may have made us stronger, with us all going through the same things together.

Looking at my life now from the outside in, I'm sure it looked like it couldn't be any more perfect. I was following my dreams and having fun while doing it but there was no mistaking that there was something that was still missing.

I was single, though truthfully that had been my choice. After spending high school cycling through a whole host of different girls, I had hit a time in my life where the last thing I wanted to think about was girls. I mean I wasn't blind, I saw women, a lot of them in fact but I never dated any of them. I wanted nothing to get in the way of the picture I had in my head of where my life was going. I had all the time in the world to date, but I didn't have forever to make my dreams come true. It was another case of me believing that the world could wait and I'd get to it when I was ready.

I was a third wheel a lot with Blaine and Cheryl, even dealing with the latter's attempts at setting me up. I had told both her and Blaine of my choice to wait for another relationship but it seemed that Cheryl thought she knew better and never ceased in her efforts to see me happy with someone.

After awhile I began to see things the way she was. Life didn't have to be about being alone and following your dream. It was entirely possible to do that same thing with someone beside you. After seeing it with her and Blaine I knew it to be true but had still not come to the conclusion that it could be the same way for me. In fact with the two of them I'd seen it make them even stronger as individuals, something I'd be stupid not to want in my own life. I just wasn't sure it was possible, but the want was there.

The only problem? I hadn't found my "Cheryl" yet. Or if I had, I'd already pushed her away with my lame attempt at believing I needed to do everything on my own. Almost a year after finally admitting I wanted to find what my two best friends had, I had all but given up on finding it.

At least that was until that day in my art class. That was the day everything changed.


	4. April Rose

**Authors Note:** It should be stated now, but I should have done it in chapter three, that Blaine for the purpose of this story, is bisexual. I believe it already goes without saying given the way I wrote chapter three, but if you're just picking up on it now then in order to understand it, you should probably skim "Against All Odds" This should help it all make sense. Now, in other news. This chapter, her name is going to confuse those of you that read chapter two, but all will make sense in the next chapter. It was written this way for a reason. Thanks for the support! :)

* * *

**One Month Prior**

"Have I mentioned that Blaine cannot wait for the weekend? I swear he hasn't shut up about it all week."

Cheryl and I had gotten into the routine of walking each other to classes on days where we had courses that somehow matched enough to allow us to. Today was one of those days and for the last few minutes I'd listened to her non stop chatter about the weekend and Blaine and how much fun it was going to be.

Not that I didn't agree of course. Having Blaine down for the weekend and being able to hang out with him before he went back up to school again was great, something I normally looked forward to but with my own self imposed loneliness weighing so heavily on my mind lately, it just wasn't where my mind was. I didn't find myself getting half as excited as I could be over the news.

"Then he's got something in common with you then Cher because you haven't been able to shut up about it either."

Anticipating that she might take it the wrong way, I added a small chuckle in at the end so as not to risk upsetting her. Again, I was happy for the two of them in fact back when they'd first gotten together, you wouldn't find a bigger supporter then me. In fact I'd gone toe to toe with her brother over the very issue and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. The fact was, I just couldn't be as happy as I wanted to be about them and for them when I was also feeling envious of them at the same time.

"You say that with love right Sammy?"

"Always with love Cher."

We'd made it to my art class finally, but not before she linked her arm through mine and used her own strength to squeeze me gently.

"We'll find her Sammy."

Now she had my attention. We'd find who? Just what was she getting at? I really hoped it wasn't another hookup. I had really had my fill of those lately.

"What are you talking about?"

"Her. The reason you're so morose lately. You're finally accepting that you don't want to do this alone. I'm just here to tell you that you don't have to, and we'll find her."

So even though I'd done my best to make sure it wasn't noticeable, it was obvious. At least to Cheryl anyway. I don't know if it was because she'd been through a situation similar to my own right now or she was just psychic but either way, I wasn't sure how I felt about her knowing what I was feeling when I'd done nothing to even hint at it previously.

"I don't know what you're talking about crazy lady. You better go before you're late."

She pouted at me, something I was positive she had perfected using on Blaine over the last four years of them being a couple. Something I wished never to see again because she was just that good at it. Just the sight of it made me want to admit everything I had been trying so hard to hide up until this point.

"Fine. I'll go, but we're going to continue this conversation later."

She kissed me on the cheek then, squeezing my hand with a smile before running off in her desired direction. While the little conversation we did have wasn't one we had on a daily basis, I was thankful that my need to be in class had cut it short. The last thing I wanted to talk about was how alone I was starting to feel.

For that matter, how close I was to just giving up on the whole thing and going back to the way I had started three years prior. It hadn't hurt me in any way then, so why should it now? Dating and all that came with it was great, but so was going it alone.

I turned to make my way into the class and instantly collided with someone who had obviously had the same destination in mind. There was a loud noise as books fell to the floor along with various art class related tools.

On instinct I bent down and began sorting my own things from those of the unfortunate soul I had just run my entire body weight into. What I saw as I bent down though was a pair of the bluest eyes I'd ever seen, ones I'd expected to be showing an extreme amount of annoyance but which showed the complete opposite.

She must of felt my eyes on her then because she skidded backwards a few paces, giving up on picking up her own materials in lieu of getting the hell away from me. Her eyes, they weren't annoyed or even slightly angry. No, as she backed away I saw fear within them, the one emotion that the situation didn't call for.

"I'm so sorry. I need to look where the hell I'm going. I always do that."

I wanted to make her feel at ease, to let her know that she had no reason to be staring at me, that much fear in her eyes. We'd bumped into each other but it was nothing that warranted any of what I saw in her eyes, even as I spoke the words.

"No—no, it was my fault. I should have been paying attention."

After grabbing my stuff, pushing it into my left arm, and bending down a little with my right to help her up, I was shaken as she backed away again. I had been around a lot of girls over the last few years and not once had I ever come across a girl that wanted to get this far away from me this quickly. I had no idea what I'd done besides the obvious bumping into her that could make her that fearful of me.

"You're taking this class huh?"

I knew it was cheap and obvious but I had to figure out what was going on here, even if it meant acting like a moron to do it. There had never been anyone, ever that had been afraid to be around me, and I didn't want to start having it happen now.

"Yeah, just transferred here."

"I'm Sam. Sam Evans."

She looked up at me then, those eyes, the colour of the clearest sky looking at me. Or the more I thought about it, through me. Her hair, dark in shade covering the majority of her face, almost deliberately, making it hard to see much around it. The fear was still present in her eyes though, but now not as strong. She went from looking at me to looking at my outstretched hand, her eyes clouding over just enough to make them change colour, to an almost glossy shade of grey. She was apprehensive, unsure of whether to trust me or not. Again, not something that I was used to.

She made use of my arm though, and pulled herself up, again holding my gaze. It was then that she spoke, finally letting me hear her voice.

"I'm April. April Rose. Nice to meet you Sam."

Within seconds she had released the hold on my arm she'd held and had bolted within the safety of the classroom. A class that was about to start. Realizing I to needed to get inside, I booked it in as fast as possible, taking my seat near the back, all the while never taking my eyes off the woman that now sat a few seats to my left.

Her hair had been recently dyed, that much was obvious. The colour was bright, as most new dye jobs are, a trait I'd picked up from all the years hanging around Kurt and Blaine, but she kept her head down, wanting to remain anonymous. I'd had moments like that myself so I understood the need immediately but found myself disappointed that I wouldn't have a shot at seeing those eyes again.

There was something about them. From our brief moment together minutes before I had noticed it. She had extremely expressive eyes. Some say that they wear their hearts on their sleeve when in reality it's all in the eyes. Which was very much true with April Rose.

I couldn't even begin to explain why it mattered to me at all, why I couldn't let it go, or better yet wipe the memory of those eyes from my brain. All I knew was that I couldn't. I just had to know more about her.

Mainly, I had to know just what the hell April Rose was so damn afraid of.


	5. A Change Will Do You Good

**Authors Note: **All should be explained in this chapter. Or I'm hoping that the unanswered questions and confusion from the last chapter will be rectified. So on with the story, enjoy. For the record this chapter will be told from Megan's point of view in first person as the only way to truly understand her end of things is to make it come directly from her.

* * *

Megan Winchester had to die.

That had to be my first step if I really wanted to hide from him. I had to change my name, completely wipe myself off the map. I had to become something else. Someone else. Maybe in doing that it would make it that much harder for him to find me. I had learned the last time I'd tried to run away, that he wasn't against using his family money to find me. This time I had to think of everything so that even if he did that, he still wouldn't get me. I couldn't go back.

I know that going back to Lima seems like such a bonehead thing to do given that he knows where I'm from originally but it was the only place that I had ever felt safe, at least for a short period of time in my childhood so I knew it had to be the place I ran back to now.

I was twenty five. I had taken some courses in music a few years prior, before meeting him and I knew that when I got to the right place in my career I was going to want to do it again. I might not be where I wanted to be but going back to college seemed like the right decision, especially since a college campus is huge and has a million places for someone to lose themselves.

In high school a friend of mine had shown me how to make fake id's and how to make them look legitimate so that to the untrained eye, it would be untraceable. No one would ever know that it was fake. I had taken that skill and put it to work in changing my identity. No longer was I the broken down Megan Winchester. No, now I was the much stronger and happier April Rose.

Well maybe on the surface I was all of those things. It hadn't quite reached all the way inside just yet. They were the things I wanted myself to be though so maybe I could fake it until it actually happened. A girl could dream couldn't she?

Earlier that day I had dyed my hair. Taking it from the light shade of brown that it was originally and turning it something completely unlike me, in the plum colour that now resides atop my head. If I really wanted to break away and make this work I really had to take drastic measures.

I loved my brown hair. It may have looked like a million other people but it was mine, in length and colour and style and it had become as much a part of me as my eyes and my hands and feet. I didn't want to do it, and I even hesitated right before mixing the colouring together. In the end though I knew that it was best, so April Rose began taking on her new shape and form.

When I was a child I had made myself a promise. That if I ever had to do anything with my hair that I would never make it so short that it couldn't be put in a ponytail. No one knows this about me, which I'm actually quite thankful about now as it would have been the first thing he looked for, and I didn't go back on the promise. I cut my hair before dying it, and it now casually rested on my shoulders, different from the long flowing hair that used to run almost the entire way down my back.

I had debated investing in some coloured contacts but in the end decided that it was best that I keep that part of myself, the real me, the same. He might be able to take my heart, my soul, my very breath from me but I would be damned if he took this too. I had always been told my eyes were one of my best features and it was the one true thing about me that I wanted to keep through all of this.

The collision outside of the art class took me by surprise. I had been in such a rush to get into the class, to make my new start that I hadn't been paying attention to the gargantuan guy that was standing damn near in the doorway. If I had then maybe I could have prevented what happened for me next but sadly, that isn't the case.

The minute I fell and hit the ground I felt all of the old wounds begin to ache. Not only that but I felt the memory of each fight we'd ever had come back and hit me full force. It was like in that split second, I was back in the room with him and he was letting me have it all over again for something stupid that I had apparently done. I was at his mercy again and it scared me in that instance just the way it had scared me each time it had happened.

I was living a walking, talking nightmare even though I was hundreds of miles away from the abuser. It was horrible and I knew that I wouldn't want to be the person on the receiving end of the way I looked once I had hit the floor.

The guy had tried helping me collect my things by separating them for me, making it that much easier should I need to make a quick getaway and I was thankful for it but I'm pretty sure that's not what he saw in my eyes the first time we looked at each other. As much as I wanted to make it go away, to bury it back down where it had been for the last twenty four hours since I'd finally arrived home, I couldn't do it. The fear was there and it was paramount over everything else.

I remember instantly backing away, and the first time he touched me, recoiling and almost climbing up into myself as far as I could go. His touch, though not mean, or full of anger frightened me. I had only ever been touched with hatred and anger over the last few years and to be touched in a different way now, my mind couldn't comprehend it. It was completely foreign to me.

Sam Evans. His eyes were a colour that would have made even Crayola jealous. They were the softest shade of green I'd ever come across, which played nicely off the sea of blonde hair atop his head. Long and shaggy, reminiscent of the classic rock haircuts of the 80s. Or at the very least on the way to becoming exactly like those. He was tall. Compared to me he felt like a giant but I knew that not to be true because I stood at 5'8 when I wasn't in the cowering position I had seemed to take on in the last few months. I had to look up to see him though and when I did, I instantly regretted it.

Looking at another man was out of the question. It was surely going to result in another beating if he ever found me. It was one of the rules. There were a lot of them, him coming up with more just when I thought that he was done with them. This was one rule I knew better then to break though. He already wanted me dead, I didn't want to make that even worse. I realized quickly though that if I wanted to make this work,Sam deserved to hear my name so without another thought I let the new name fall from my lips.

Maybe that would be enough for him. When he helped me to my feet I waited for it. The moment that he would realize I wasn't worth helping and he would knock me back to my place on the floor.

It always came back to that moment just the way I had always been told before. I was just a piece of shit that belonged on the ground right?

Once up, I ran into the classroom, in fact my legs couldn't take me there fast enough. As far as getting a new start goes, I knew I was failing at it but I did what I had to do and I didn't have time to look back with regrets.

If I really wanted this to work I had to change things. I had to come to terms with what had happened to me and I had to strive to be better then it. Not to become the person that he had tried to make me over the years and be the person I was meant to be. If I really wanted to be April Rose, happy go lucky college student the first step would be believing that I could do that. It might also help not to jump at every sound or touch that came my way.

As the class started I decided then and there to focus on changing. No more beating myself up over what happened but to instead break out of my shell, and do something daring and different.

Yes, Megan Winchester really did have to die, so that April Rose could live.


	6. Two Words

"You weren't there guys, there was seriously something up with the girl. I mean I've dealt with my share of shy girls but she wasn't one of them. This was different."

It was finally the weekend and true to his plan Blaine had made his way to OSU to see Cheryl and I was again tagging along for the ride. Sure, they used my place of business to spend their time, meaning I didn't have much of a say in hanging out with them but since my social life thus far had been in the toilet anyway, it wasn't like I had someplace more pressing to be.

I hadn't been able to let go of what had happened with April outside the classroom a few days before. It weighed heavily on my mind even with my attempts to do otherwise. Her reaction really had left an impression on me and as much as I didn't want to admit it, the more I focused on it the more determined I became in trying to figure out just what the girls story was.

Which is where I sat now, replaying it all openly for my best friends to hear. Maybe they could see something that I couldn't and be able to explain it to me so I could finally let it go. Or maybe just getting it out to someone other then myself would erase the need to think about it from my mind. Either way, I was game. I was pretty sure I was borderline obsessed about it and that didn't sit well with me.

"I knew I should have stuck around! All the exciting things happen when I'm in class. It's not fair."

"Baby if you had stayed then Sam probably wouldn't have had anything to talk to us about tonight so its best that you went to class. But seriously buddy," he continued turning back to me. "Maybe she's just awkward. She is new to OSU and her first outing out, she runs into you. If I was a girl I'd probably be the same way."

It was well known that when we all went to McKinley that Blaine had crushed on me. It had never affected me though, in fact I liked the attention that he focused my way even though I knew deep down it wasn't real. He had moments back then of being awkward with me so I knew what that looked and felt like. No this was definitely not what had happened with April.

"I don't want to be a downer or anything but did either of you think that maybe she reacted that way because she might have been abused?"

I don't like to admit this but a lot of the time when Cheryl talks, she does so in a joking manner, especially with me, always keeping things pretty light and I tune her out a lot, but for the first time in awhile I was glad that I hadn't done that this time because what she said made sense.

I hadn't had any real experience with anyone that had been through abuse as a child but I had to admit that out of all the different scenarios that it could have been, this one made the most sense. The fear in her eyes, the backing away from me instantly, the clouding of her eyes, and the way she almost arched when she did finally stand up. She had been setting herself up for something, that at the time I had been oblivious to.

"I can see the wheels in your head turning Sam. Could that be what it is?" Cheryl said, bringing me back out of my own thoughts.

"Yeah, I mean I don't have any experience with it but with the way she acted its the only thing so far that makes any sense. Do you think she came here for school to get away from her family because they abuse her?"

"It's possible bro. I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. With everything you've told us, I think Cheryl might be right. Thing is, what are you going to do about it?"

Now that i didn't know the answer to. I mean I couldn't exactly go right up to the girl and ask her if she was being abused. I had already gone well out of my way to make our first meeting horrendous, there was no way in hell I was going to make the second outing even worse. I didn't have a death wish.

I wanted to know more about this girl. There was no doubt about that but coming to this conclusion, whether it was true or not, I wasn't entirely sure where to go with it. I couldn't explain my need to want to get to know her, only that I did and that it was getting to me on so many different levels now that it was making it hard to function and focus on the other aspects of my life that needed my attention.

Was I really that lonely lately that the first interaction I have with a girl makes me want to know more and to almost become obsessive about it? Maybe she wasn't the problem here, maybe it was me.

"I have no idea what to do about it Blaine. I mean what would you do? It's not like I can just walk up to her and ask her about it. The girl barely knows me and if she's already that spooked whats to say I won't make her run even further away?"

"I'd ask her out."

Well of all the answers that I would have expected from Blaine, this wasn't one of them. With all of the angst that had come along with him discovering himself a few years before, I couldn't picture him just walking up to the girl and asking her out. It just wasn't in his DNA. Or at least from what I'd seen.

This is the same guy that had used a guilty pleasure week to admit his feelings for me. He was pretty closed off that way, or at least had been back then. Maybe he had changed but I still had a hard time believing it.

"You're kidding right?"

"No. I'm serious. I mean if I knew who I was and what I wanted the way you've always seemed to, I would just throw caution to the wind and ask her out. I mean what better way to get to know her then to actually go on a date with her."

"My boyfriend, the genius!"

I watched as Cheryl kissed Blaine on the cheek and saw the blush cross his face. Just another reminder that I was lacking what they had and was starting to get desperate in my search for it. They really did fit so well together and I couldn't help but feel just a little bit jealous of it. It all came so flawlessly to them.

"Seriously though," she continued. "Blaine's right. If you want to learn more about the girl, including whether or not we're right and she has been abused in her past, then the best way to do that is to take her out and get to know her."

It wasn't a half bad idea and something that given my track record, I knew I could pull off. Anytime I had wanted to go out with a girl I had never had a problem just going with it and getting what I wanted. In this case though, it was completely different. I wasn't as sure of myself as my friends seemed to be.

I heard the familiar jingle of the bell above the cafe door then. It had been a pretty slow night up until that point, no one really coming in with the intent of staying, which meant the weekly open mic night hadn't gotten off its feet. Now though, with the sound of the door, which hopefully meant more customers, maybe the night wouldn't be a total wash after all.

"Look we can talk more about this later. Duty calls."

Something happened then. I wasn't sure if it was fate or if it was just my untimely luck but when I went back to the counter to prepare whatever his new customer might want, I finally got a look at just who had walked in.

April. She was really standing there. Right in front of me. I saw her lips move, obviously relaying her coffee order for me to fill but I didn't hear a sound. I just saw her. All bundled up in her warm black ski jacket, with a similar shaded beanie atop her head. More then that though, were those eyes again.

After a few seconds of what I was sure was me gawking at her like a moron, I realized that I hadn't heard what she said as her expression changed to confusion at the fact that I wasn't moving.

"I'm sorry, what was the order again?"

"A grand non-fat mocha."

"Thanks, sorry about that. Comin' right up."

As I went to prepare her drink it took everything in me not to turn around and stare at her again. I couldn't explain it but taking my eyes off hers bothered me. Just like the first time, it was like her eyes were looking right through me, like they could almost see everything inside of me and I couldn't shake it.

I opted instead to make conversation and push the rapid thoughts from my head. The last thing I wanted for her to believe was that I was a crazy person. Though with the way I was reacting, I was pretty sure it was too late for that now.

"So, got any plans for tonight?"

"No, not really. Just me and a few hundred different paint brushes."

I swear as I stood there listening to her, I heard Cheryl and Blaine in my head. They had no idea of course that the very woman I had been talking about not five minutes before was now standing behind them, but their voices were there none the less. Pushing me to do what Blaine had just suggested.

"Well if you wanna take a break from that, you could stay here for a bit."

Even as I said the words I knew they had come out rushed and awkward and I wanted to slap myself, but in lieu of looking even stupider, I opted to beat myself mentally.

_Just what the hell was going on with me?_

"Thanks for the offer but I really should get back to my work. I'm already so far behind."

I couldn't let her walk out. I knew it like I knew my own name. I just couldn't let her leave. I wanted to know more about her, I just wanted to be around her. I had no idea where it was coming from but I just knew I had to see it through.

"Every Friday we have an open mic night here. It's kind of like Karaoke but without the cheese. It usually gets pretty busy in here later. You should stay. Who knows? You might actually find that you enjoy it more then the art project."

I saw something in her eyes then, as I finally handed the drink to her. Something sparked in her when I mentioned the music. It was faint but it was there. I knew I wasn't going crazy even though I was most assuredly losing my mind staring into her eyes the way I was.

"Open mic night huh? Anyone can sing?"

"Yeah. In fact me and my friends, we live for these nights. Even though technically I'm not supposed to given that I'm actually working." I pointed to Blaine and Cheryl then, though they were so lost in each other that they didn't even notice.

She looked over casually to where I had pointed and I swear as she did, everything around us, including the time seemed to halt. I felt like a kid in that moment, waiting with baited breath for her speak again. With what I was hoping would be her staying. I hadn't imagined the look in her eyes when I had mentioned the music and if I had to use that very look against her, in that moment I was prepared to.

I just had to get to her to stay.

I could see that she was hesitant, that clouded look from earlier back in her eyes again. The fear ever present, something I had no idea how to handle, but before I could come up with another argument as to why it was best that she stay and maybe even sing, she gave me my answer.

"You know what, you're right, I can take a break from the art project. It'll still be there when I get home, but the music wont be."

"So you'll stay for a bit?"

_Real smooth Sammy. Isn't that exactly what she just finished saying?_

"Yeah, I'll stay."

"Great. Well enjoy the coffee."

With a tiny smile forming on her lips, she turned to walk away then, and had gotten about a foot away from me, my eyes still trained on her back with every step she made, when she stopped and turned around, facing me again, with those eyes that turned my insides to liquid.

I swear as she spoke the next words, I felt my heart stop.

"Thanks Sam."

Two little words, but to me, two of the most amazing words I'd ever heard.


	7. Not Alone

**Authors Note:** I feel that I should warn anyone reading this that this chapter and the one after it will have songs by Darren Criss. One will be sung by the character of Blaine Anderson, but the other one will be used as an original song by the Original Character, but it is in fact owned by Darren and I would never claim otherwise. So expand your imagination and you should be fine. Thank you for the support.

**Music Note: **The song used in this chapter is **Darren Criss – Not Alone.**

* * *

After April had come in and agreed to say, much like most Friday nights before it, the place began to fill up. It was the one thing a college student could look forward too every Friday. Stopping in either before the party or after the party and pre hangover for a cup of their favourite coffee and a chance to get up on the stage and sing their hearts out.

It was a tradition with Cheryl and Blaine and I. Yes I worked there, so I was thrown into it more then your average customer but I really did enjoy these nights as it gave me a chance to put my talent out there as well as listen to others doing the same.

April being here though made this night even more special to me. I'm sure it was crazy, the way I was reacting to this girl I barely knew and had just met but I couldn't explain just how happy it made me having her there. As happy as it made me though it also made me that much more nervous to speak when the time came to open up the mic for the night.

Jared had come in right on schedule for his shift, which I was more then thankful for as it had begun getting busier by the minute only a few short moments after April had taken her seat. With him there I could now focus on getting the evening going for real and hopefully I could even get her to open herself up just a little bit more for me and sing.

With the way she had reacted to hearing about the music it was a purely selfish impulse. I not only wanted her to open herself up to the college experience since she seemed so closed off from it, but I also wanted her to open herself up to me. I wanted nothing more tonight then to hear this woman sing.

"Hey Sam, shouldn't you be up there opening up the floor?"

"Yeah, that's what I'm about to do now. Thanks for the reminder J."

I wasn't about to tell him that no, I had instead been lost in thoughts of hearing April sing. No, Jared and I were friendly but not quite that friendly. There was no way I was telling him exactly what I had been thinking. I wouldn't even tell Blaine and Cheryl that, especially the latter because I knew her reaction would be to instantly go into matchmaking mode. Something that with this girl, in this moment, I didn't think was appropriate.

I made my way up to where the mic stood, the piano off to the left and my acoustic guitar rested on the right. Everything was set and ready to go just the way I liked it to be. It was now time to open the floor up for any would be artists who wanted to share their talent with the world.

When I had started working here, it had been your normal run of the mill coffee bar. People came in, would grab what they wanted and most would leave. I knew it could be so much more then that so I brought up the idea of making Friday nights an open mic night and the rest is history. Now people flocked in out of the cold and even on warm nights to listen to others belt out their heart and souls through the music. It was so amazing watching it turn into what it now was and I was so glad that I had thought of it. No more happy then I was in that moment because now, this woman I wanted to learn more about was here and I might possibly get to see her let her guard down, even for a second.

Yes this was a very special night indeed.

"Hey everyone. I'd just like to welcome you all back for another week of good friends and good music. The floor is now open for anyone and everyone. Most of all, enjoy yourselves."

It was the same speech every week. Nothing changed but it didn't bother me. Being able to repeat the speech from memory, especially tonight was coming in handy. I had more then enough of my mind that I didn't need to add anything new into it.

As I made my way down from the stage I made my way over to where April sat, alone but eyes glued to the stage from where I had just exited. I had been right earlier in my assessment of her response to the music. This was definitely something she was interested in. Now if I could only make her take the stage, my night would be complete.

"Do you sing?"

She looked up at me then, and again I was taken aback by her eyes. She flinched just a little at the sound of my voice, I'd obviously scared her.

"Does singing in the shower count?"

"Yeah. That's actually where I got my start."

"Really?"

"Really really. I used to just sing in the shower or the car before then."

"But now you do more?"

"Yes. Once the orders stop running so quickly in here, I'll show you what I mean."

"Looking forward to it."

She smiled then and it was like a million butterflies had been set loose inside my chest. She had a really nice smile and I got the feeling that she didn't do it quite as often as she should. The world really seemed to fade away when she did it though, at least for me and I found myself wanting to find more ways to get her to do it again.

"You think you'll get up there?"

She blushed then and put her face into her hands and I stood there locked, frozen with each movement she made.

"I don't think so. I don't think I'm good enough to get up there. I might hurt someones ears with the way I sound."

"I doubt that. You should really give it a try if you want to. You might regret it if you don't."

She froze then, obviously at something I'd said and I immediately felt like an idiot. If she was really coming from an abusive situation the way that Cheryl seemed to believe she was, then saying the things I did may have just reminded her of it. If I was going to get to know this girl I first had to check my words carefully. Saying the wrong thing could make her pull away before I learned a thing.

Something I didn't want happening.

Before I could say something, anything to apologize for what I'd so obviously said that set her off, I felt a hand on my shoulder and turning I realized that Blaine had made his way over.

"So this is who stole you away from us. Hey there, I'm Blaine Anderson, nice to meet you."

I watched as he held his hand out casually for her to accept but was more interested in the look in her eyes as he did. She had changed expressions completely as Blaine had said his name. Something I didn't quite understand but something that intrigued me even more. What could possibly scare this girl about Blaine? He was even more docile then I was.

After a few seconds passed, she took his hand and shook it lightly. Her fearful expression faded and one of normalcy in its place.

"April. Nice to meet you Blaine."

"So my buddy isn't bothering you is he?"

She laughed lightly, and I struggled with it this time as I knew it was faked. I don't know why I knew but I could just tell. She was putting on a show alright, for me and for Blaine but I could see right through it. I didn't know what was causing any of it but I damn sure knew that she was trying to mask what I had just witnessed.

"No of course not. He was just trying to get me to get up there and sing."

"Oh, you sing?"

"In the shower." We both answered at the same time which seemed to lighten the mood up considerably given the way things had happened. Blaine threw me a look then, almost as if a light bulb had gone off in his head and everything had become crystal clear. I knew it was in that moment that he had put two and two together.

"Sam, stop trying to share the girls brain. It's not an attractive quality. April, my girlfriend and I come here every week. We like the accepting atmosphere of the place. We also take turns and sing each week. So if you really wanna sing, I'd do it. There is really no better place then here to do it."

I don't know how Blaine managed to do it but when speaking with April it was like the most flawless act ever, whereas with me, I felt like the biggest idiot every time my mouth opened. I was more then a little envious of that.

"That's what I was telling her. She should totally sing."

_Yep there you go again Sammy boy. Brilliant._

"I think I'll just watch for now. Thanks for the vote of confidence though guys."

"Anytime. Nice to meet you April." Blaine said with a smile before turning back to me again. "When you get a second, can you come back to the table, Cher needs to talk to you. Now if you don't mind, I think it's time I got up there and sang. It is the reason I'm here."

He had said the last bit just loud enough for April to hear him, I knew it had been for her benefit and I couldn't have been more thankful. I was hoping that maybe in hearing Blaine sing that she would do so herself.

I also knew Cheryl didn't need to talk to me, that Blaine only wanted me back over there so that he could question me as to what was going on here, and if he was right in his assumptions, but I also felt the need to want to get a lot of this out so I just nodded in acceptance.

"I need to get back behind the counter, but did you need anything else?"

She smiled politely at me, motioning at her cup with her hands as she spoke. "If it's not too much trouble can I get another one of these when you get the chance?"

"Of course. Coming right up."

I saw her reach for her bag, obviously intent on paying me and I shook my head.

"Pay me before you leave. Depending on if you enjoy it, you might be here awhile, which means more then just two of these."

"Thanks again Sam, you're great."

Five words. Two seconds and I can say without a shadow of a doubt, I was hooked. For the second time that night. Thankfully though, I now had my out as Blaine was about to sing and I really did need to get back to taking orders and helping Jared.

As soon as Blaine took the mic and began speaking, I realized I had another reason to be thankful that he was here with me tonight. Because not only was he doing something different then he normally did, but he was doing it for me.

"Hi there. My name's Blaine Anderson, and I don't go to OSU, but my girlfriend does and while I'm down visiting I thought I'd come up here and sing a song that I wrote for her. I don't normally do this, but I think tonight's the right night for it. To be different, to be courageous. So Cher, this ones for you, but its also for anyone else that might just need the song right now. Please enjoy."

The piano began playing and it seemed that everyone instantly became captured under Blaine's spell. Just the way they had done in their McKinley days. Much like then, he was flawless now and as he sang, I just sat behind the counter and watched April and prayed with everything in me that what Blaine was doing, would work out in my favour.

I've been alone  
Surrounded by darkness  
I've seen how heartless  
The world can be

I've seen you crying  
You felt like it's hopeless  
I'll always do my best  
To make you see

Baby, you're not alone  
'Cause you're here with me  
And nothing's ever gonna bring us down  
'Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you  
And you know it's true  
It don't matter what'll come to be  
Our love is all we need to make it through...

Now I know it ain't easy  
But it ain't hard trying  
Every time I see you smiling  
And I feel you so close to me...  
And you tell me:

Baby, you're not alone  
'Cause you're here with me  
And nothing's ever gonna bring us down  
'Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you  
And you know it's true  
It don't matter what'll come to be  
Our love is all we need to make it through...

I still have trouble  
I trip and stumble  
Trying to make sense of things sometimes...

I look for reasons  
But I don't need 'em  
All I need is to look in your eyes  
And I realize...

Baby, I'm not alone  
'Cause you're here with me  
And nothing's ever gonna take us down  
'Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you  
And you know it's true  
It don't matter what'll come to be  
Our love is all we need to make it through...

Oh, 'cause you're here with me  
And nothing's ever gonna bring us down  
Cause nothing, nothing, nothing  
Can keep me from lovin' you  
And you know it's true  
It don't matter what'll come to be  
You know our love is all we need

Our love is all we need  
To make it through...

As the song finished I again looked over at April and was shocked by what I saw. She was doing her best to hide it from the rest of the room but she couldn't hide it from me. Not only did that song affect her, but it had affected her so much that she was doing her best to wipe the tears away. Apparently what Blaine had hoped for had come to pass because he had indeed sang the song for the people in the room that needed it.

April needing it more then anyone else.


	8. Every Rose Has It's Thorn

**Authors Note: **This chapter will be told from April/Megan's point of view. This will most likely happen every few chapters as there is still insight to be had into this chickadee. Thanks for the reading, the reviewing and the like. It means a lot. Also in other news, this will be another musical was supposed to have two songs, but with the length of it, I brought it down to one, to continue in the next chapter. So strap in and let's go for a ride.

* * *

There was a time long ago where I could easily say that I was brave, courageous even. I was different but I was proud of all of those differences and I had more then embraced them. I liked the way my life was then. It was so much simpler. I could breathe without worry, I could feel without regret. I could really live. Something I hadn't been doing for a very long time despite my every attempt at it.

As Blaine was singing, and even before that I was being flooded with memories. None of them good. All of them ones that I wished I had never experienced. I didn't want to be that girl. I had never wanted to be her and now here I sat, and I was her. Even with my attempts at making the world believe otherwise I was her.

It hurt to feel anything. It had gotten to the point now where I just didn't feel anything at all. Unless of course you count the fear. That was the only thing I felt. People would laugh and smile around me and it would be as if I was a stone. With all of the abuse I had suffered I had lost my ability to feel and to empathize with the human race around me. I was empty.

During that song though I began to feel things I had believed long dead. It was like the words of the song were speaking to me. Music has always been able to have that affect on me, at least in the past. It hasn't been able to resonate with me quite that way in a very long time but I long for the time where it did. Just as it did tonight as the man I barely knew sang.

I found myself by the end of it overcome with emotions. All of which I had buried a long time ago but were now coming back with a vengeance. Demanding that they be heard and felt. Being away from him the way I was now, and all of the anger and darkness, it really was starting to heal me. I couldn't explain to you why but I knew that it was. Every second spent not living in absolute fear was one second where I began to get back to being the person I was.

Or at least that's what I believed would happen if only the memories would stop haunting me. This time though it seemed to be one particular one. The one where he had caught me singing instead of doing something for him. It was a sin to focus on my dreams at this point and he found any chance he could to make sure I knew that.

"_Life goes on, while you're miles away and I need you. Time goes on, as night steals the day, there's nothing I can do. If you only knew, how much I miss you."_

_It felt really good to be singing again. I had taken a hiatus a few short months before because I was determined to be the perfect girlfriend and help him achieve his goals first. I always knew I could come back to it anytime I wanted but doing it now, even for a short time as I finished other work, it felt amazing. I was free again. I was me._

_I had thought that I was alone, him having gone out earlier that morning, and from then on I had lost myself in the music. He hadn't even heard me sing but he made sure every chance he got to tell me just how bad I must be at it if I hadn't made anything of it lately. _

_I loved the solitary moments like this one. I could really open myself back up and not be just someones girlfriend. No I could really be Megan Winchester, aspiring singer/songwriter. I could live my dream even if it was only sparingly._

"_When my mind plays these tricks on me, It shows me things I don't want to see, That's why I tell myself, I keep telling myself, Just take another piece of me"_

"_What the fuck are you doing?"_

_I heard the slam of the door just seconds before his voice. I knew I had been caught and I knew that nothing good would come of it. He wasn't supposed to see me this way. No, it was going to cost me big time._

"_Did you not hear me, what the fuck are you doing?"_

_He hit me then. One hard slap to the back of my head. I knew he was standing behind me, so any chance of standing was out of the question. I was completely at his mercy now as any movement I did make would be seen as an attempt to break free of him, something I was not allowed to want or do._

"_I was just singing while I scheduled some appointments baby. That's all."_

"_And what have I told you about that?"_

"_That you'd rather I didn't do it."_

"_Right, so at least you're somewhat smart. Now what happens when you don't listen?"_

_I didn't want to answer this. Honestly what happened was pretty degrading and not something I ever wanted to admit openly. It was bad enough I had to live through it, but to actually acknowledge what he made me do, I couldn't do it._

_When I didn't answer quickly enough he hit me again, on the back of the head, but this time added even more in a sharp push of the chair which then sent me to the floor, the computer chair falling on top of me as my body impacted with the hardwood floor, adding even more insult to injury._

"_Look, you're right where you should be."_

_A piece of shit on the floor again. I knew what he was going to say even before he said it but if he was willing to push me down, maybe he wasn't going to focus on what my punishment for singing while working was._

_I put my hand to my lips, tasting blood on my tongue but wanting to be sure. This wasn't the first time that an altercation with him had caused blood loss, and I'm sure it wouldn't be the last but the fact that I was so comfortable with the taste of my own blood wasn't healthy. As I pulled my hand away, indeed seeing blood coating my fingertips, he spoke again and with each word I knew he hadn't forgotten at all._

"_Now get on your knees and do what good girls do for the men that love them."_

The song hadn't reminded me of that horrible moment from my past, but the emotion that the song conjured had brought it all flooding back. Just hearing music, let alone singing along with it, or feeling what it wanted you to feel was wrong. It went against everything that I had been forced to believe. Yet here I sat, my hands still now wiping away tears, shaken from the memory but powerless to stop its effect.

"April, are you alright?"

Making sure to wipe the last residual tears from my eyes, I looked up and again saw Sam. As much as I want to say I was glad to see that it was him standing there, I wasn't. He seemed to be catching me at my worst in every situation imaginable and this one was like the icing on the insane cake. Part of me wished he had never even come back over.

"Of course. Why?"

"No you aren't. You've been crying and I don't mean to pry or come off like some crazy creeper but I just can't stand it when a girl cries."

What was it about this guy? He could see through even my more thought out bullshit. It was like he had a radar for it. I wanted to tell him he was wrong and that I was actually quite fine, even make up some excuse for my tears that was related to the way his friend had sang it but it was all crumbling down around me. I didn't have it in me to lie anymore.

"The song, it just brought up some really bad memories that's all. Ones I really wish I could have kept buried. It was brilliant though just probably not the best thing for me to hear right now."

It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the entire truth either. I barely knew Sam Evans, there was no way I was going to lay my entire life story or the pain associated with it on him right now. It wasn't that I didn't think he could handle it but it was more about not wanting to come off like a crazy person. Though I'm pretty sure I already looked that way.

"I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure if Blaine knew that he'd be sorry too. His songs when he writes them are like that though. They bring up everything you've been trying to keep buried. He's even done it to me a few times."

I had no idea what to say to that. Was it really possible that like me, Sam also had things he wanted to run and hide from? Was he hiding right now?

"Really?"

"Yeah. We've known each other since high school and no matter what he sings he always seems to find a way to get to me with one of his songs. Apparently tonight was your night for that feeling. I'm sorry that it brought up painful memories though."

"Me too."

He put my coffee down on the table then and reminded me of why he had even come over in the first place. Of course. I'd asked him earlier for a refill and he was now doing it for me as he'd found the time after the onslaught of customers that had come in for the mic night. Surprisingly though, as much as I hated the thought of him coming over at such a painful time for me, I was now thankful that he was there and that I had said what I did because just in speaking it out loud, I was beginning to feel lighter somehow. A feeling I hadn't felt in a long time.

"So he plays the piano and can sing. Is there anything he can't do?"

Sam laughed then and I found it infectious. So much so that I smiled in return. It had been a long time since I'd smiled, let alone laughed with someone, or even been around someone who was laughing that I almost forgot what an amazing feeling it really was. It also helped when the guy who was doing the laughing had his green eyes light up the bigger his smile got. A fact I had been trying not to notice but finding myself unable to do.

"No, don't think so. He can do it all."

"Do you think he'd play guitar for me? If I wanted to get up there and sing I mean."

"I'm sure he could but since that old acoustic up there happens to be mine, how about I play for you? If you wanted to sing that is."

He was offering to help me and I had no idea what to do with it. This could be April Rose's chance to shine. No one knew me here. I could be anything and anyone I wanted without fear and I just had no idea how to deal with it. I wanted to get up and sing, more so then I ever had before, with all of the pent up emotion now flooding through my veins and with his offer to help me do it, I knew it was now or never.

But could I really look past the fear and accept his offer?

"Well I'll help you if you wanna do it. Just signal for me or come grab me. I better get back, don't want to leave Jared alone for too long."

Now was my chance. No one new had stepped forward to sing and if I wanted to break out of my shell and really be someone different yet somewhat still like the real me, I had to do it now. I saw him turn to go and before he could walk away, I reached out to him.

"I think I'd like to sing now, if you really want to help me."

Sam had made his way up to the stage first, not even blinking as I'd told him the song that I wanted to sing and why. It had always been a favourite of mine, one that I would sing in and out of the shower and with the way I was feeling, I really couldn't think of a better song.

As I put the stool on the stage, adjusting the mic stand so it would be down to my level I looked out to the crowd of people that were now waiting much like I had been earlier, on pins and needles for the next artist to sing. Blaine had been right in his earlier statement. All were accepted here and I was hoping that once I was done, that would still ring true.

Sam began playing and I just let the music take a hold of me. I closed my eyes and instead of just singing the song and the lyrics, I felt them.

We both lie silently still  
In the dead of the night  
Although we both lie close together  
We feel miles apart inside

Was it something I said or something I did  
Did the words not come out right  
Though I tried not to hurt you  
Though I tried  
But I guess that's why they say

Every rose has its thorn  
Just like every night has its dawn  
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song  
Every rose has its thorn

Yeah it does

I opened my eyes then, my voice cracking from the feeling I was pulling from the music, readying myself for the next verse, the words already floating by in my head and willing my lungs to sing them. Before I could sing though another voice cut through, and looking over to where Sam sat with the guitar, still very much playing along, I realized it was him singing.

He had heard my voice, he must have and this was his way of acknowledging it silently, helping me. Words cannot even express the feeling I had as I listening to him sing. It was as close to my version of Heaven as you can get. Where it stops being about the person and instead it becomes about the music.

All I saw was the music come to life through Sam and it was beautiful.

I listen to our favourite song_  
_playing on the radio_  
_Hear the DJ say loves a game of easy come and easy go_  
_But I wonder does he know_  
_Has he ever felt like this_  
_And I know that you'd be here somehow_  
_If I could have let you know somehow_  
_I guess_  
_

Every rose has its thorn  
Just like every night has its dawn  
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song  
Every rose has its thorn

I sang with him then, our voices playing perfectly off of each other, mine the higher of the two, while he continued playing and again instead of focusing on the room and all of the people within it that could be judging me, I just closed my eyes and let the music take control again.

Though it's been a while now  
I can still feel so much pain  
Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals  
but the scar, that scar remains

I know I could have saved a love that night  
If I'd known what to say  
Instead of makin' love  
We both made our separate ways

But now I hear you found somebody new  
and that I never meant that much to you  
To hear that tears me up inside  
And to see you cuts me like a knife  
I guess

We finished up the song together, neither of us focused on the other, just on the music and by the time we were nearing the end I knew that I was right where I belonged. This is the Megan Winchester of old. Or rather the April Rose now and now that I had begun to find her again, finally allowing myself the luxury of following my own dreams, I knew I never wanted to let it, or the feeling coming from it go.

Every rose has its thorn  
Just like every night has its dawn  
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song  
Every rose has its thorn

And there was only one person I could thank for it.

Sam Evans.


	9. Stutter

**Authors Note:** Last music chapter for awhile. Thanks for the attention this fiction gets. It's back in Sam mode now. Remember to expand your imagination for this song as I'm using a Darren original song as an Original Character song. Sort of the way Glee wrote the song that was apparently "Marleys". Get it now? Yep. On with the show!

**Music Note:** Song used within this chapter is **Darren Criss – Stutter. **Pretty clear I don't own this one folks, but it's an amazing song, so find it and download it. Go..NOW! XD

* * *

Of all the coffee shops in all of the world that she could have walked into and sang the song I had made famous before my audition years before for New Directions, she had to walk into mine.

This would have been the perfect time for me to debut my Humphrey Bogart/Rick Blaine impression given the way I felt after hearing the song choice she had wanted my help with. That song was special to me on so many different levels and not because Finn hearing it so many years ago had led me on the path to where I am now. No, it was one of the songs I first taught myself how to play on the guitar and one I still held close to my heart and here April was now, having the same connection herself to the song.

Singing with her was such an insane feeling. I had gone from wanting to hear her sing so badly to being the one up there with her, playing the song and sensing when her voice began to crack and fade that she needed my help. Help I was more then happy to provide for so many reasons. I hadn't had the pleasure of singing that song again since my days in high school and getting to do so now, with a beautiful woman singing right beside me, it was amazing.

We sang well together. That can't be said for many people, the only exceptions I know of being my old friends Rachel and Finn, and my two very best friends Blaine and Cheryl. I had been told, by Blaine a few years before that when you sing with someone that you care about, the rest of the world seems to fade away and the music just comes to life like magic. That was definitely the feeling I had from my time singing with April. Her voice was soft, yet strong in parts when it needed to be and everything that came from her lips just flowed easily, melodically even. I was sure after singing with her that she could make even the most horrible song turn around on its axis and be beautiful.

The crowd that had accumulated over the time since we'd begun the show weren't exactly on their feet in a standing ovation for us but they were most definitely clamouring for more. I wasn't sure it was that they wanted more from me, from her or from the both of us but either way, I was finding myself unable to deny them what they wanted. Though this time, I wanted it to be her that they heard and not me.

While singing with her was terrific, I was still in the frame of mind that with her voice, I wanted to hear her, on her own. The music seemed to resonate with her and I knew that if anyone could pull of a singular performance it was her. Nobody else in the background but her, and whatever it was that she would want to sing.

For the first time since I'd spoken to her tonight there was a smile on her face, one that I knew wasn't faked. She was alive in this moment up here on the stage, just as I was, and I wanted to make sure that moment lasted as long as it could for her. No more faking for the world to see. No I wanted April Rose to give all of herself over to the people sitting out in front of us and more then that I was selfish because I wanted her to give all of herself over to me as well.

"How does it feel?"

She looked at me then, the smile still written into her facial features, making her eyes, which were already shot to the heart deadly on their own, that much brighter and more noticeable which only made the way I felt whenever I looked into them that much worse.

"That was amazing. Oh my God Sam, thank you so much. You were right."

She threw her arms around me then and hugged me, a reaction I hadn't been expecting but more then welcomed. If I was truthful with myself I would admit that I had wondered what having her arms around me would feel like. What holding onto her, keeping her safely wrapped up in me would do to me and it was so much more then I imagined. It took nothing at all for me to wrap my arms around her and hug back, equally as hard, the feeling of her body pressed to mine affecting me from my head to my toes as I did.

"Why stop now?"

As she pulled away she searched my face, confused as to what I was getting at. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm not sure there is anyone else here tonight aside from maybe my friend Cheryl that will want to get up here and sing so why not ride the way you feel right now and sing again?"

He watched her as she so obviously contemplated it. He knew he was losing his mind with this woman because every change in facial expression she made, was almost like a punch to the gut. Though not in a bad way. It was like seeing everything as beautiful for the first time in a very long time.

_Could I really be that lonely that this is how I deal with it? _

"You really think I should sing again?"

Of course he did but he wasn't going to just jump right up and say it. He knew that with this girl he had a habit of speaking too soon and he didn't want to seem to excited here and do it again. He was suffering from foot in mouth syndrome more so then he ever had before and he had to tone it down if he wanted her to stay and not run.

"Well do you want to sing again?"

"Honestly Sam, I haven't sang in what feels like forever. I just couldn't but getting up here and doing it, putting the fear aside it was the most amazing feeling I've ever felt. So yeah, if its okay, I would sing again."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

She smiled again and it tore itself right through me. She was in her element and if that was what it was going to take for her to open up then I was not going to stand in the way. I liked the way singing made her open up and I wanted to continue down that road as long as I could before time ran out.

"Your guitar actually."

_My guitar?_

"Wait, hold up a second, you play? Why didn't you say anything? You could have easily done that song on your own."

"You didn't ask." she stated matter of fact before motioning for the guitar again. "Can I use it?"

I passed it to her. Of course I did. Who was I to stand in the way of her wanting to use my guitar. Anything that got me closer to hearing this girl sing, I was all in.

Without thinking I began to make my way off the stage, to let her have her moment but before I left I bent down and kissed her on the top of her head. I had no idea what I was thinking as I did it, only that I wanted to wish her luck in the only way I knew how. I had only done that one time before and that had been with my ex girlfriend Brittany but doing it again now, it just felt like the most natural thing in the world.

"Knock em dead."

I made my way back to where Jared, and now Cheryl and Blaine were standing, behind the counter, all waiting patiently for April to finally take the stage and make it hers. Though this time, not only was she singing for a room full of people, I believed she would be singing for me too and knowing that, made me smile, both inside and out.

"Awe our little Sammy's growing up."

Leave it to Cheryl to have caught the entire exchange on stage and comment about it. Try as I might not let it get to me though, I felt my cheeks begin to flame up and I knew I was blushing, which was only going to make things that much worse.

"For the record Sammy, I totally ship you and that girl."

April chose that moment to speak into the mic, moving the stool she had been seated on only moments earlier closer to the mic stand. Her voice was nervous, there were moments of cracking as she spoke but once she did, even Cheryl and her comments couldn't break through the barrier of sound my mind had created. I heard April and only April.

"My name's April and I'm new here. I wrote this song almost three years ago and I've never let anyone hear it before. But someone told me that it was a good thing to be courageous so that's what I'm going to do. I hope you like it."

Remember that time?  
When you wouldn't talk to me?  
You wouldn't talk to me  
All night

Remember that song?  
And all the words we'd sing?  
Well here's a song I sing  
All right

Remember that way?  
How you'd never lie to me  
'Cause you'd never lie to me  
No way

You could be faking it  
God, don't be like that  
I don't like the way you act  
'Round me

So baby come on, come on...

As I stood behind the counter, my friends surrounding me as I listened to this woman sing, I stood there in amazement. This wasn't a song that had been done by an artist before so that you knew the way it was supposed to sound. No this was pure, raw talent at its finest and hearing her sing it, bringing the words to life, the emotion behind them all evident in her eyes as she sang, I was blown away.

The only other person that I knew that could make an original song sound quite that way was Blaine and judging by the look that my good friend had on his face as he listened to the song that she was singing, he felt much the same way as I did.

April Rose was talented.

Oh, don't you tell me no  
There you go again  
You're ten out of ten  
Sorry, did I just s-stutter?

Won't tell you what you know  
There you go again  
You were never my friend  
You were never my-  
You were never my lover! No.

I knew that this song was personal to her. Watching her sing it, the reactions evident the more she sang, there was no way it couldn't be personal. There were no tears this time, but the angst she poured into each word was evident. Maybe what Cheryl had said was right but maybe she wasn't running from a family that had abused her. No maybe she was running from a lover who had hurt her.

I have no idea where that idea came from but the more she sang the more I felt it. This song was written and directed at whoever that person in her life was and instead of feeling done now that I thought I had figured out what was going on with the mysterious April Rose, I instead found myself even more drawn to her and wanting to know more. More then that I found myself drawn to her because I wanted to protect her.

Remember that night?  
When I saw you standing there?  
Dark eyes and dark hair  
It's just you

Remember the way?  
How you were way out of line?  
And I was way out of time  
For you

And I got your number  
Right next to your name  
But it ain't no thing, no  
No it ain't enough

And I've got your word I know  
But it's all I'll get  
Trying to forget  
Your kind of love

So baby come on, come on...

Oh, don't you tell me no  
'Cause there you go again  
You're ten out of ten  
Sorry, did I just s-stutter?

Won't tell you what you know  
But there you go again  
'Cause you were never my friend  
You were never my-  
You were never my lover!

I was falling for this girl with every note she sang and played and there wasn't a god damned thing I could do about it. I barely knew her, only things I thought that I knew but could easily be wrong about, but all I wanted in that moment was to be back up on that stage with her, the way we had been minutes before, as close to her as I could be.

I had felt things for girls before in my past, it was no secret given the amount of relationships I maintained in high school alone but this time was different. There was something different about this girl. Maybe it was how broken she appeared to be and how very badly I wanted to fix all of her broken parts and make her whole again. It could have just been that she was the first girl in awhile that didn't immediately come on to me and that was holding my attention because of the intense loneliness I was feeling.

Whatever the reason, whatever the cause I just knew it as easily as I knew how to breathe.

I know you could be better  
Don't have to waste my time  
It's not like I need you more than  
I need me and mine

But I know that you want it  
Trying to get you on it  
Baby we could fuck the rights  
Turn around and wrong it

Spare me your convictions  
The promises you keep  
I've got a better proposition  
And the friction that you need

Don't you tell me that  
You don't want to  
Don't you tell me that  
You don't want to

Oh, don't you tell me no  
'Cause there you go again  
You're ten out of ten  
I'm sorry d-did I just s-stutter?

Won't tell you what you know  
But this is the end  
You were never my friend  
You were never my-  
You were never my lover!

I was falling for April Rose.


	10. Taking Chances

"Earth to Sam. Can you please come back down to Earth with the rest of us. We miss you."

I heard them calling for me of course. I wasn't that far gone but with my mind had just admitted, I felt I needed the right amount of time to process it. Could you really fall for someone that quickly? Wasn't it best to be the other way around. Where you meet someone who intrigues you enough to want to learn more and you spend every free moment you can learning and then fall for them? If that was the case then was I really falling for April or was I just falling for the vision of her that I'd painted in my head.

She intrigued me, there was no question about that and just in this short night alone I had managed to learn little things about her, mostly pertaining to her singing ability but things none the less. I liked what I was learned and I wanted to learn more but this burning sensation in my chest, the one that screamed at me to go to her now, that shouldn't be there if I was playing this right.

What was going on with me? Was this what it felt like before someone actually lost their mind? Could I stop it? I suppose the better question was, did I even want to stop it. None of this made sense to me. None of the other relationships I had been through in my life had felt quite like this, or at least this fast and if I was honest it scared the hell out of me but I couldn't put the brakes on.

"Sammy come on. You're freaking me out."

Feeling the breeze and the shadow of a hand in front of my eyes I finally broke free of my thoughts and back to the reality of where I was. Work. Open mic night, with Cheryl, Blaine and Jared.

"Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Not important right now. What is important is, where the hell did you go just now buddy?"

Before I could answer I took a look around. I had been out of it much longer then I had expected because April was no longer on stage, and I couldn't find her. Someone new was in her place and singing, this time with pre recorded music backing them. The reality of the situation took hold. I was so busy thinking about what was going on with me and now the very person that was making me think those thoughts was gone.

"Sorry guys. I guess I just spaced for a minute."

Where was she? Had she attempted to say goodbye before she'd bolted?

"More like you spaced for 15 minutes man. You doing alright?"

"Blaine, leave him alone, can't you see whats going on here?

I turned towards Cheryl then, wondering where she was going with what she had said. She couldn't possibly know what was really going on with could she? I know I hadn't done the best job at hiding it but I also hadn't entirely made it that obvious. I mean all of the thoughts had been inside of my head, unless I was now making facial expressions to go along with them, in which case I was probably screwed hours ago.

"Nothings going on guys. I just got into the music and spaced out. That's all."

Cheryl came up to me then and stood on her toes putting her mouth to my ear. What she whispered to me then made me realize that she did indeed know what was going on inside of me and more then that, that she seemed to be understanding of it. No more jokes. She was as serious as a heart attack now.

"She's outside."

"Thank you." I answered back immediately. "Jared, you think you can take over for a few minutes. There's something I've gotta do."

After receiving his approval, and with one last smile at Cheryl, silently thanking her for her support, I made my way to the door. I had no idea what I was planning on doing, but I knew that I had to do something.

When I noticed April no longer on stage or anywhere within the confines of Crimsons I had been afraid. I hadn't wanted her to leave without at least being able to say goodbye to her. Yes we shared an art class which would mean that I would be seeing her for sure Monday morning anyway but I wasn't quite ready given my reaction to her singing, for her to leave for the night. Two days seemed like a really long time apart for a reason I had yet to explain to myself.

Scanning the parking lot, I found her. She was hidden on the benches to the right hand side of the shop, and if I hadn't really been looking I might have missed her. She was bent over, face in her hands as far to the side of the bench as she could get.

She might have wanted to be alone and me walking in on her like this might have been a violation but in that moment I didn't care. With what I thought I knew about her, I didn't exactly want her spending too much time alone, especially out here at night. It wasn't a scary neighbourhood or anything but it was just an innate feeling inside of me not to want her to be alone.

"April?"

She turned toward me then and I saw it. The wetness coating her cheeks and the puffiness around her eyes. She had been crying and seeing it instantly affected me. I felt the slow burn in my stomach again. I had no idea what had made her cry but I damn sure knew that she didn't deserve to be. No, whoever had made her this way, deserved to be the one with tears streaming down their faces. No one should live with this much fear within them. It was heartbreaking.

She began wiping her eyes quickly the closer I came to her, in a lazy attempt to hide it from me even though I was pretty sure that she knew I'd seen it. I wanted to reach out and stop her but with how uneasy our few touching instances had been the last thing I wanted was to set her off further or worse, make her run.

"Sam, I'm sorry. I just got a bit overwhelmed in there and needed some air."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I just didn't want you to leave without saying goodbye."

"I wouldn't have."

Something about the way she said that sent flutters through my chest. Hearing her tell me that she wouldn't have left without saying goodbye meant that in some way I had gotten to her too, even if only in a friendly way and it made me feel good. That maybe there was a chance I could get closer to this girl after all.

"I don't want to push you, but I can see that you've been crying. Is everything alright?"

It was a risk, bringing it up but I had to do it. I couldn't ignore it.

"Just overwhelmed. I haven't gotten the chance to sing like that in a very long time. It took a lot out of me."

"Please don't lie to me."

"I'm not? Why would you think that?"

It was do or die time. I could admit what I believed about her and risk her running away or worse, or I could remain silent and just play dumb. I had spent too many years as the dumb jock and when I left McKinley for college I was determined not to be labelled that anymore. Knowing that made the decision easy for me. I had to take the risk even though it might end up doing incredible damage to both me and her.

"The day we met, you backed away like I had physically hurt you. Tonight you flinched when I said you'd regret not singing. You're out here crying now. I've seen nothing but fear in your eyes since the very first time I met you. You're lying. It's more then just being overwhelmed."

Silence consumed us then and the longer it went on the worse I felt. It had gotten to the point where I believed it might have been better if I had just played dumb.

"You're right."

"Why were you crying?"

"I can't tell you that. Sam, I think you're amazing but I can't. I just can't go there with you."

She made a move to get up then and my hand instantly came out, holding her in place, stopping her in her tracks. Another move I was probably going to regret if she was indeed an abuse victim but a knee jerk reaction at its finest. I couldn't let her leave. Not yet.

"Please let me go."

"I can't do that."

She was crying again and now I was the cause of it. I wasn't letting her go, making me just as bad as whoever she had been running from in the first place.

"Please don't run from me. I won't hurt you but I just don't think I can handle you leaving. At least not yet."

I reached out and using my thumb, wiped away the tears that were rolling down her cheeks. Everything I was doing seemed to be on instinct alone and even if I had wanted to stop I couldn't. I was completely powerless in that moment.

"I can't talk about this, not with you. Not with anyone. You wouldn't understand."

I knew that at any moment now, she would make another attempt to leave and I wouldn't be strong enough to hold her back, because I was truthful when I said I wasn't going to hurt her which meant I had put my strength in check the minute I began talking to her, so I did the only other thing I could think of and I used my words.

"I was homeless. I was living in a car, and then in a hotel and I even worked as a stripper for awhile. I might not be dealing with what you are, but I've been in some pretty horrible situations for someone my age. So try me."

I have no idea why I told her any of what I did. I had lived my life up until that point keeping all of my personal issues pretty close to my chest and not admitting them to anyone,even when people would find out about them anyway. I just didn't have it in me to spill out my darkest secrets for the world to see. With April though, in an attempt to get to her understand that I wouldn't judge her, and more then that, to keep her there with me just a little longer, I was willing to do whatever it took.

"Why do you care Sam? I mean really? You barely even know me."

She had a point. One that had played itself out in my mind a dozen times already tonight and one I still hadn't come up with an answer for.

"I don't know why I care, I only know that I do. I can't explain any of this but I have to know you. I have to help you."

There it was again, my heart spilling out of my chest and into my words. Me taking yet another risk knowing that at any given moment she could bolt from me but praying so hard inside that she wouldn't. I moved toward her then, and the rest all seemed to blur together. I wasn't in control of my body anymore, something else was, something stronger.

"Let me help you."

Standing as close as two people could be, with no other lighting but the moon glowing brightly above us, I touched her face then, running my fingers across her jaw line, with my fingers moving it up, and with no further thought involved, I closed my eyes and moved my lips to hers until they were connected.

It was the most natural of moments, the most fluid of movements but powerful none the less. I had no idea what was possessing me to do it but I knew that in that moment it was the only thing left that I could do.

I kissed her.


	11. Say What You Need To Say

**Authors Note:** The problem, and no really its not an actual problem is that when writing a Glee fiction, given the type of show that it is, it's entirely possible to write an entire long fiction with songs attached. So in saying that, as much as I wanted to keep this next chapter basic and bare of music, it will not be. It will contain a song. The only real difference is, this one is chapter related, and not actually being used by the characters to sing. Thank you for anyone reading, reviewing, and the like. It means a lot.

**Musical Note:** The song used in this chapter is **John Mayer – Say**. I own nothing, but damn this song. The feels are insane.

* * *

**Take all of your wasted honor**  
**Every little past frustration**  
**Take all of your so-called problems,**  
**Better put 'em in quotations**

**Say what you need to say _[x8]_**

It was no secret that I'd kissed girls before, a lot of them really but no kiss before this one seemed to register anymore. Not the way this one did. It didn't last long, because almost as soon as it had began, April had pulled back but it had left its impression none the less. My lips still tingled from the feel of hers on them and if I had been finding it hard to focus before, it was more so now. All that could register was my desire to do it again.

"That can't happen again."

Well there it was. The reality words. Words I hadn't ever heard before when kissing a girl. Most guys would believe in that moment that they had sucked at kissing the girl and this was her way of letting them know it but I knew differently. Not because of ego but because of common sense. She was going through hell on Earth and the last thing she needed was yet another complication.

"It can though. Happen again. If you really want it to."

"What I might want or not want is irrelevant."

I admit it, her saying that made me happy. It was in some small way a validation for me that she had indeed been in the kiss with me, the way it felt, the way it just flowed. I wasn't alone in this, even if I was maybe feeling more in the moment then she was.

"I'll take that answer."

"Sam." she sighed and I couldn't help smiling. This was the way I wanted her. Not focused on the fear, not focused on her pain but exactly this way. Focused on me and how I was annoying her. Sure, I didn't to actually be making her upset with me, but in that moment I'd take anything if it erased the fear, even for a few seconds.

"April."

As I said her name I watched as her lips curled up into the faintest of smiles. I had broken it down, and in much the way I had been able to do with people in the past, turned it into something amusing. The seriousness of the moment, and even what we had just done was not gone, but it no longer seemed to linger like a dark cloud. No the mood was definitely lightening.

**Walking like a one man army  
Fighting with the shadows in your head  
Living out the same old moment  
Knowing you'd be better off instead,  
If you could only . . .**

**Say what you need to say _[x8]_**

Or at least I had thought it was. At least until she spoke again and everything came right back around to where we had been when this all began.

"It started about five years ago. I had just moved to Michigan, more then ready to begin focusing on my dreams. Ready to leave my mark on the world. I had struggled when I was younger, with my own self esteem and belief in my abilities but it was then that it all changed. As afraid as I still was, I was willing to do whatever it might take to make my dreams come true."

She was opening up to me. Maybe me lightening the mood the way I had done really had done the trick. She had been so afraid to tell me anything, to let me in before and now here she was, allowing the wall to come down. Maybe not all the way but in that moment, with as badly as I wanted to know her, I would take anything she was willing to give me.

"I met him and fell instantly head over heels. Things were so amazing for the first year or so. Maybe more. I wish I could tell you when everything went downhill but it's been so long now, everything is such a blur. I had taken on looking after his career and put mine on hold, mainly because it was almost too much work for me to do both but it also didn't help that he put it down every chance he got. It started out verbally, him berating me at every turn when he didn't get what he wanted or things weren't going his way, then quickly turned into something much worse."

My stomach was tied in knots listening to her. She had fallen in love with a man and not only had that man not been a real man to begin with, he had also used his own strength against her, both physically and emotionally. The more she told me, the more my blood began to boil over. I was angry, not only for her but that there were still ass holes like this allowed to roam the earth. If you didn't want to be with her the right way, why make her life a living hell? Why not just move on from her?

I wanted to say what I was thinking, I wanted to let it out before it hit a fever pitch but I knew that the minute I did, she would shut down. It was taking everything in her to open up to me this way, so the last thing I wanted to do was stop it before it had really even begun.

"He would do things to me, make me do things to him, that made me sick, degraded me and made me feel like the exact thing he used to call me. I loved him, and after every fight, every altercation he would change, and become the man I fell in love with all over again. It was such a viscous cycle but I stayed because I just didn't think I deserved any better. I had really begun to believe what he would tell me and I was slowly changing into someone I didn't even recognize anymore. The last fight was the last straw for me. It was like I had finally woken up and knew that I deserved better, that I needed to get out before I wasn't around anymore to beat on."

My blood ran cold with every word out of her mouth. With the way she had made it sound, there was not only physical abuse but there was also sexual abuse, something he had never in his life come into contact before, aside from the one time that Ryder had opened up in Glee about what had happened to him. I had treated him poorly, and his situation then, I was damned sure not going to do it again. What she was implying wasn't right and it was making me sick listening to it. Knowing that it had happened to her.

No wonder she was broken, and afraid of her own shadow every second. No wonder she didn't believe in herself. When she had spent the last five years of her life believing that she was exactly what the man in her life believed her to be, she should not be expected to know anything else.

**Have no fear for giving in  
Have no fear for giving over  
You'd better know that in the end  
Its better to say too much  
Then never say what you need to say again **

I couldn't take hearing anymore. I had heard more then enough to make me want to go violent on this person. I had gotten this way before, but never quite this dark. I never believed in killing someone before but in that moment, I couldn't say that I still felt the same. All I could feel was an overwhelming urge for vengeance and revenge for what had been done to the girl that now stood before. But she wasn't done.

"He would have killed me Sam. So I ran. Home. Back here. I had grown up around here and even though I knew it was a risk, I had nowhere else I could go that I would feel comfortable. Though being here, telling you all of this now the way I am, I can't say I'm feeling all that comfortable anymore. Before it was just me that knew about this. Anyone else knowing, if he finds me, will only bring more pain, for everyone."

She had run here, to get away from him. That was the reason for the constant looking over her shoulder, the fear in her eyes, the way she seemed to just crawl inside of herself every time she talked to someone. As I stood there and really took in everything she was telling me, that she believed that now that I knew I would also be in danger, I realized that in just that night alone, I had been no better then the man she had run from. I had pushed her into telling me, whether she would agree or not and I began feeling horrible.

"I'm sorry April. I should have listened to you when you said that you had reasons you couldn't tell me."

"No Sam, don't be sorry. I still believe that telling you will only bring more problems, but I've never said it out loud before. I've never actually admitted what was going on to anyone and getting it out, it feels good."

Was it possible that I really was doing what I wanted to with her and I was helping her? Was that what she was telling me? In an effort to calm my now rattled nerves though, instead of delving deeper into just how dark things had gotten between her and the man she had run from, I went with a lighter subject.

"What was your dream? You said that you went to Michigan to live your dream. What was it?"

"I wanted to be a singer songwriter."

I should have known that of course. Given the way she lit up on that stage, the way she seemed to let her walls down so easily when she was lost in the music, just the same way that Blaine did years before and was still doing now, it was just something that could have remained unspoken. It was that obvious.

**Even if your hands are shaking****  
****And your faith is broken****  
****Even as the eyes are closing****  
****Do it with a heart wide open**

"You want to be a singer songwriter yet you're taking an art class that has nothing to do with what you're long term goals are?"

She sat back down on the bench then and buried her face in her hands, pushing her hair from her face before speaking.

"Truthfully, I took that class, and other classes like that so if he ever does come here looking for me, there is less chance of him finding me. I don't want to be found Sam. When I ran, I ran for my life and there can't be any looking back."

I understood that. Doing what you had to do to survive. While our situations might differ, they were very much alike in that one aspect. I had done whatever it took, including stripping to do what I needed to do for my family and I never looked back anymore, even though there was embarrassment attached to it, and she was doing much the same thing. She was doing what she needed to do to hide from him and survive. The very basic of human instincts.

Before I could come up with something to say though, she spoke again.

"So a stripper huh?"

I laughed then, thankful for the much more lightened topic. What I had been through had happened so long ago now that I no longer felt any shame from it, so as she asked the question, I just found it funny.

"Yeah. I had other menial jobs but they never seemed to pay enough for what the money was for, so one day, when it was put in front of me, I ran with it. I mean I figured I'd been given the body for a reason, using it wasn't breaking any rules and it helped out my family a lot more then the normal job would have."

"Any regrets?"

"No. Not a single one. I would do it again if I had to. What about you? Any regrets?"

I wanted to know if she had any regrets regarding a lot of different things, but mainly, if she regretted coming to Ohio to hide out again, or if she regretted opening up to me the way she had done, or the way I had pushed her to, depending on how you looked at it. I just wanted some kind of validation that what I had done, what we were now doing was something that she wanted, just the way that I did.

"No Sam, I don't have any either. Unless you count the last five years of my life. There is definite regret there, but as for where I am right now, in this very moment, I can't say I have one single regret."

Sitting down beside her then, pulling her instinctively into my arms, as close as she would allow me to, I kissed the top of her head again, just as I had before she had performed her original song for the room full of customers mere hours before.

"You do that a lot don't you?"

"Hmm, whats that?"

"Kissing me on the head."

"Yeah, I guess I do. I'm sorry. I don't really know why I do it."

She cuddled closer into my chest then, and the feel of it happening, her burying herself in my chest was almost too much for me to bear. It had been a very long time since I had experienced this sensation and I wasn't sure there was a word that was appropriate for what it was doing to me in that instance. It just felt natural, good, and like the most relaxing, safe feeling in the world.

"Don't ever be sorry Sam. It's nice. Different, for me, but nice."

My emotions, my feelings even were running over, my head was going to explode from the sheer magnitude of them if I didn't do something about them soon. So not wanting to waste another moment, feeling that again it was the right time, i brought her face up from my chest, so I could really look at her. I knew the affect those eyes would have on me, but in that moment I more then welcomed it.

I brought my lips to hers again, instant fireworks going off inside of my brain all the way down through my body as our lips touched. I was no psychic but if this was the way it was going to feel every time I kissed her, I think I might have just found the one piece that had been missing from my life and there was no way I was going to give it up, not for anything.

It was better this time though, the kiss and it had nothing to do with me. No it was better this time simply because of her. She had proven that I hadn't been the only one feeling something because she kissed me back, deepening the kiss and in that moment, even though we may have had a threat looming over our heads at any given second, something had become crystal clear.

I was falling in love.

**Say what you need to say _[x24]_**


	12. Catching Up

**Authors Note:** This chapter is gonna jump forward about a week. It will make it easier for me to write, instead of just continuing with the same night. I don't feel that I should label it as such so if you're wondering why its suddenly not Friday night anymore, well here is your answer. To the reviewers that I got off that chapter, thank you, and yes the Winchester name is because of Supernatural (I'm sort of obsessed with Sam...the other Sam lol) As for her name, in a few chapters, April will no longer show up, it's here for the time being though so I'm sorry. She is most definitely not April Rhodes (I can't believe I didn't think about that before now) This will also be a lighter chapter, even a bit shorter, as the huge stuff is coming up. Anyway, on with the show shall we?

* * *

If you had asked me a few weeks ago if I would be standing here now, given the route my life had been taking up until that point I would have laughed at you. I suppose its a really great thing that I am not psychic because there really is nothing remotely funny about the turn my life had taken.

After that night at Crimson's, the talk we'd had outside, the way April had opened up to me it was like my life had taken the fast track to ultimate bliss. I had been struck with this smile that was stuck in the on position. I saw the world around me differently. It also helped that when Cheryl brought up Blaine, sharing something he'd done or said the night or day before, I no longer felt the emptiness in my chest.

It was such a smooth transition for me. I knew it couldn't have been easy for April of course. She was still just as afraid as she had been when she had arrived on campus but with me now with her as much as possible, the moments of sheer dread were father and fewer apart. I didn't give her the chance to be afraid and when she would have been the one watching her own back before, I was now doing it for her. Some might say even more so.

There were moments in each day, where we separated for our individual classes, some of which I'd talked her into changing, as the ones she had been hiding under did nothing to foster following her dreams. Something that I very much wanted her to do because for far too long she hadn't been and the time had come now, for that to end and something new to take place.

With as much time as I had been spending with April over the last few days, Cheryl and I had forgone our routine of going to classes together and there was a small part of me that missed her. We hadn't really spoken much since that Friday night and I knew that somewhere deep inside she must be dying wanting to know what had really taken place that night.

Today, after making sure April had gotten to her musical theory class on time and safely, was going to be that catch up time. I had free time between classes, as did Cheryl and we both knew that if we didn't take advantage of it then we wouldn't get to do it again, at least not without Blaine in tow.

As much as I enjoyed days away from my place of work, it always seemed that without even thinking about it I always ended up back there. Today was no exception. I had a cheque to pick up, and there was no better time then now, and with Cheryl along for the ride, we could sit quietly for awhile, catch up and have coffee together, the way it had all began when we'd come to college here. Just like old times.

"Same order as before?"

"You know me so well Sammy."

The person behind the counter, the daytime staff, of which I didn't know took the order and I made my way back to the table to sit with my best friend. It was time to get all of her questions out of the way. The sooner the better. Though in truth given the subject matter, I wasn't exactly wanting to run in the other direction this time. Talking about April made it almost as good as being around her, so I welcomed it.

"So are you finally going to tell me what happened after you ran out on us Friday night?"

_And we're off._

"I didn't run out. You're the one that told me where she was. So if anything you told me to go."

"Semantics. Now spill Sammy."

"You were right, at least in part. Or we were right, considering I had kind of figured most of it out on my own just by watching her, after you gave me the idea of course."

"I didn't want to be right about that."

"I know, but you were and after practically forcing myself down her throat, I got her to open up to me. That's what you missed Friday."

I wasn't entirely sure how much I wanted to tell her given that what April was dealing with was such a private issue and there was still that fear that if the guy came looking for her here, that it was putting anyone that knew the real story in danger. Maybe not the same danger as April herself, but something equally as scary and not something I actually wanted to happen.

"So she told you everything?"

"Most of it. I think there is still some that she's holding onto but given everything she did say, I figure I'm pretty lucky I got what I did. I don't need to know it all."

"How do you feel about it?"

This is where things became murky for me. The way I felt about everything that I had heard that night changed, and it changed frequently. I went from being protective of her, to an immense anger that was almost too strong to contain. There were times that I wanted to find whoever it was that had done this to her and hurt him the way he had done to her and containing it was becoming harder and harder.

When all of that was done though and I had moved past the anger, the protectiveness, and the sadness that she has been through it at all, I was left feeling powerless. I realized in those moments that there was really nothing more that I could do for her then to be there for her, anything more might be pushing it and I just felt lost. Like I should know what to do and do it for her but I just couldn't.

It was just something I had never experienced other then sticking up for Kurt back in our McKinley days. That was as much experience as I had with any form of abuse and even then, they were nothing alike, not really.

"I don't know how I feel Cher. I don't know from one minute to the next what she wants me to do, or rather what I should do."

"You care about her though right? Like her having been through this doesn't change how you feel?"

"Not even a little bit. It doesn't work like that. I know there is more to this, that there is a lot she still isn't telling me, her reactions on Friday prove that but as much as I want to know it all, so I can help her, I just can't push it."

"What do you mean, reactions?"

"I can't shake the way she acted when she met Blaine. It was like she had see a ghost. She shut down though she tried her damnedest not too show it. I don't think Blaine even noticed it but I did and I can't come up with a reason why she would react that way to him."

"Hmm."

I watched as Cheryl went into think mode. Her face scrunched up almost into a ball and she truly focused her mind, trying to come with an answer. It didn't happen all that much but having seen it before, I knew it by heart.

"Blaine is like a puppy for crying out loud. I can't imagine anyone ever looking at him like that. I mean when is he ever not smiling about something?"

There it was. Cheryl had a way of somehow bringing a pet name for Blaine into every conversation she had. It never bothered me though. Given what they had been through to get to where they were now, she had every right to be sickeningly cute about the man she loved. As I sat and listened to her now though, I didn't feel that now familiar pang of jealousy the way I had felt previously. No, I found that it didn't even bother me.

_That's because if things progress the way you want them to then you'll be giving April those very same pet names._

I couldn't argue with myself on that point. Even though April and I still hadn't reached the point where I could say we were dating, we were on path that seemed to be leading to that, though slower then most other couples and I had no doubt that eventually I would be doing the same thing as Cheryl was, or at least I wanted to be.

"Yes Cher, the world knows that Blaine is your puppy, but you're right. Blaine is the most easy going guy I've ever met, so her reaction just makes no sense to me. Maybe I'm just reading into things that aren't there."

"Okay so taking everything that you learned Friday out of the situation, how does it feel, being with her?"

"Honestly?"

"Of course. No lying here."

"Like I'm whole. When Brittany and I broke up, I didn't think I'd ever feel that way again, the way I did before the breakup but I'm sitting here now and its back. I no longer feel jealous of you and Blaine, of other couples. I no longer have the notion that I'm going to be alone forever."

"Whoa. Really?"

"Yes really. This might seem weird or too soon, but if she opens herself up to me and we do end up getting together, Cher, this could be the forever and always girl."

When I had first come to school here, and met up with Cheryl, in one of our first conversations she referred to her love for Blaine, as a Forever and Always kind of love and it had stuck with me. Anytime after that, where we'd talked about relationships, we always referred to what I wanted as the forever and always kind of love. This was no exception. I knew what I was saying and I knew I meant every word of it. April was beginning to mean just that much to me.

"Jesus Sam."

I know how it sounded, and given the way Cheryl was reacting, I could see that it was shocking her too. I didn't care though. I was feeling this way and no ones reactions, even that of one of my best friends could change it. Losing my mind or not, it was what it was.

"Now I really do need to meet this girl then. You should bring her back here Friday. We can totally have a double date. Finally!"

I had already decided that the next time I met up with April, most likely at the end of the day the way we had started doing a few days before, that I was going to find out if she would come to the open mic on Friday. Not because I wanted to double date, in fact that was the last thing on my mind, but because I loved the way the music affected her and I wanted to have her with me, around it. For two people that loved music as much as we both did, it seemed like the perfect way to spend a night together. No pressure, just fun.

"Yeah, I'll talk to her about it."

"You do that, and Sammy, it's not crazy. Yeah okay it might be a little fast to some people but remember who you're talking too. All it took me was three weeks to know that I was head over heels in love with Blaine. I think I knew it that first day and just refused to believe it. So no judgement here. Just do me a favour would you?"

"Sure, if I can."

"Invite me to your wedding."

Not only was Cheryl telling me that she supported me and the declaration I had just laid on her, but she was taking it on step further and looking toward the future. If the way I felt was moving fast, Cheryl had just taken it up a notch to super speed.

"Now whose taking it too fast? How about I just promise to let you meet her on Friday? Will that make you happy?"

"Ecstatic! It's a date. There's one more thing though."

"What's that?"

"Be careful Sam. With everything you know, and how you feel, just be careful."


	13. Reflections

**Authors Note:** There has actually been a couple of requests for back story on Cheryl and Blaine, as they frequently appear within this fiction. So for those people that asked, go to my page, its about 4 stories down from the top and its called Against All Odds. It was the first fiction I ever wrote for Glee and one that I hold pretty close to my heart as it was my first story written in about 3 years. Take a read and then you'll get all the info you need for them appearing in this story. That said, lets get on with the show. This chapter will be from April's perspective (Megan) so there's your heads up.

* * *

So much has happened in such a short period of time that I don't even know where to begin.

Only a couple of weeks ago I was firmly planted in a living, breathing nightmare with no real light at the end of the tunnel. I believed myself to be stuck there, with no real chance of escape. I had reached the point where even if there had been escape, there wasn't the energy needed for one anymore. The one thing that had changed all of that was my sheer will to want to live.

Sure I didn't have that much to live for anymore. Or at least at that point I believed I didn't. I was estranged from my parents, and older brother, it having been years since the three of us had even spoken. I had no real friends that weren't also friends of his. I was locked up tight in my own nightmare, alone. The only thing in my life that I still wanted to fight for, that I knew I needed to live for was my dream. That dream made by a little girl years previously that one day she would use the talent that God had given her and change the world with it, one person at a time. It was there, even though it had been buried in recent events. Still there and still as strong as ever. It was the one thing I had left to hang on to, to give me the will I needed to survive this nightmare of my own making.

So I pulled every last ounce of strength I had and I made a run for it, changing everything on the surface that needed to be changed in order to make this work. I had made my fresh start. I was no longer Megan Winchester. No I had walked right into April Rose and though still plagued by the pain, the memories and haunted by the life I'd lived for the last few years, I was safe and I was truly becoming April, the way I needed to be.

Enter Sam Evans. The art student and football player by day, singer and knight in shining armour by night. He was such an unexpected and even in the beginning a little unwanted surprise. I could say that he was exactly the way I described him originally but that wouldn't be true. There was so much more to this guy then just the football player, blonde hair, blue eyes, jock image that the people around us saw on a daily basis. He had seen things, been through things and somehow, without me even trying, it pulled me to him instead of away from him the way I needed to be.

I knew that getting close to anyone was a risk I wasn't willing to take. I made that decision before I ran and then again while running. Anyone that I let close enough to me, to see even small parts of the real me was in danger, whether I wanted them to be or not. I knew just how evil he could be when he was angry, the last thing I wanted was for anyone else, especially Sam now, being on the receiving end of it. Not when they deserved so much more then that. I might have put up with the darkness willingly for as long as I had, but there was no reason anyone else should.

Fate seemed to have other plans though, because with as much as I was trying not to get close to anyone, somewhere along the way I had failed and I had become attached. When I wanted to run again he wouldn't let me, not in the violent way, but in the way that I wasn't the only one becoming attached under the surface. I wasn't the only one powerless to stop what was brewing under the surface since that very first meeting in front of the art class. He needed to follow it through and as much as I tried running, I wanted to see it through too. I needed to know why now, when it was the worst time in the world for feelings to develop, that was exactly what was happening.

So I stayed, and I opened up to him. Making sure of course to keep names out of it. To keep actual details of what I had been through quiet. I couldn't tell him everything even though I knew that if there was anyone that was willing to take it all, it was Sam. I wanted to believe that people wouldn't be able to handle it, that what I would tell them would eventually make them sick and they wouldn't look at me the same way again but with Sam, it wasn't something I could believe. With the way he pushed me, the way with even just a look it was like he could see right through me, it was more then evident that he was strong enough to shoulder it and that he wouldn't go anywhere.

Letting my barriers down felt good. Like a load was being lifted off of my shoulders after being there for so many years that I could no longer garner the strength to pull it off myself anymore. The flood gates opened and even though I was scared, I felt lighter once I had told him as much as I had. True to form he took it all in and the only thing he wanted to do was protect me. I could tell there was more under the surface but the only feeling that he would voice, was the one that wanted to protect me. Something I hadn't been shown in a very long time and had no idea what to do with.

When he kissed me that first time, I froze. Not because I wasn't right there with him but because in that moment it seemed almost inappropriate. It shouldn't be happening. Him kissing me, and liking it meant that he would want to do it again, and all I could see was end result of that. Being found and Sam becoming collateral damage. Something I just couldn't have happen even though the way I felt kissing him, how safe, warm and complete it made me couldn't be denied.

For days after that night, he walked me to and from classes. Grabbed lunch with me in between and sometimes even dinner. We spent an enormous amount of time together, but the more we did, the more I learned about him. The things he had been through that made him more open then most to accept my situation. I learned about who he was as a boy, and the man he had grown up into and for the first time in years, I imagined this was what it was really like to date someone. Or at the very least to explore feelings for someone. It could really be this easy, time just passing by as the conversation flowed. I felt normal again.

Sure I wasn't being entirely honest with him. He believed me to be someone that I wasn't but the parts of me other then my name and maybe my physical appearance, he was learning about, they were the real me. They were Megan. Though every single time he called me April, as each passing day went by, I wanted to scream at him to stop. I wanted to tell him the truth even though in doing so I knew he would walk away. No one wants to be lied too, even if its for the reasons I was doing it for, and living with the knowledge that I was doing that very thing to this more then amazing guy, it was enough to eat me alive. Much the way the abuse I had run from used too.

I knew that I was developing some pretty strong feelings for Sam, ones that at some point I was going to have to face. I also knew that if I wanted this to be the real thing, and not another wrong turn on the road map of my disaster of a life, that I had to tell him the truth. I couldn't hide behind April Rose forever. The sooner the better. I found myself becoming so attached to him that even the thought that he might walk away from me once he learned that I had been lying to him scared me to death. Being around him the way we were lately, it was becoming routine and I feared what would happen when that routine was gone.

He had asked me out earlier. A double date with his two friends from the Friday before at the coffee shop and while being around his friends worried me, especially given all that I had confessed to Sam previously, I knew that if I wanted to keep up the charade of being April, this brand new person, the best way to do that was to accept the date and act as normal as possible.

I also wanted to say yes though because I wanted to be around him. I felt alive around him, almost human again and more then that, the dreams that I had let go of years before, to please someone else, were coming alive again just by being around him. So I said yes, to the date, to spending time not only with him but his friends and I found myself looking forward to it.

So if I had accepted and April Rose was about to go on her first real date, why wasn't I happier? Why wasn't I embracing what was happening with more enthusiasm? I knew there was only one answer as to why I couldn't entirely let go and embrace the moment.

Him.

It was more then just him though. It was what would happen when he did find me again, what the end result would be and even more then that, there was just one more lingering question.

How much time did I really have left?


	14. You

**Authors Note:** This chapter is going to be a combination of a fluff piece, in the way that its going to be pretty light and breezy at the beginning but will finish in a completely different manner. So there's your warning. Though if you blink at the end you might miss it. So hmm..don't blink? Lol Nah, seriously, enjoy. As for the rating change, because of the subject matter at least in terms of Megan's past, and then what is to come up in future chapters, I felt that for that reason it should be changed. As sort of a warning for anyone that may be bothered by that type of thing.

**Musical Note: **The song used in this chapter is **Framing Hanley – You.** I don't own it, the band does, and what a band they are. #epic

* * *

I had everything planned out. Tonight was going to be perfect if I had to die trying. It had been such a long time since I'd done anything like this and for that very reason, I had to make sure that everything happened the way I imagined it.

April had said yes when I'd asked her out a few days prior and every moment since then I hadn't been able to wipe the grin from my face. The range of emotions that I was going through was so hard to explain but all I knew for sure and for certain was that I was happy. For the first time since I'd become single years before, things actually looked like they were looking up and I couldn't be more ready for it.

We had agreed to meet here at Crimson's. Having cleared it with the owners, and having Jared and one of the morning people covering for me, I had managed to snag the night off, making this date night, even if it was with Blaine and Cheryl, a reality. Agreeing to meet this way worked out for both of us as I had been her shadow for a week and we were both desperately in need of a break. Even if it was for only a few short hours.

"I thought this was supposed to be a date night? So where is your date Sammy?"

"Not even five minutes in the door and she's already on about April. Welcome to my world buddy. Now you can deal with it."

Watching as Blaine rolled his eyes I couldn't help but laugh. Knowing Cheryl the way I did, after all of this time I knew that most likely she had done nothing but focus on the double date aspect the entire way over here with her boyfriend and he was more then happy to push it off the first minute he could.

"Don't worry Cher. She'll be here. She knows how anxious you are to meet her."

If I was truthful as much as April knew that this would be a double date and that it was mostly at the insistence of Cheryl that it was even happening at all, I was also mildly worried about how she would handle it. She had been so closed off, out of fear for so long the last thing I wanted to do was put her into any situation that would make those barriers expose themselves again.

She'd opened up to me last Friday and then a little bit more every day since and I wanted to keep things going that way because I wanted to learn everything that there was to learn about her and this situation now, especially with the reaction to Blaine that she'd had previously, it concerned me. Instead of moving forward the way I wanted to, we might just go in the opposite direction.

I felt the tap on my shoulder then and as I turned and took her in, her blue eyes sparkling bright, her lips brought up into one of the biggest smiles I'd ever seen her wear before, I knew we were all about to find out just how she was going to handle it. She was here.

"Hey. Everything okay?"

I had been asking that of her a lot since her admission and now was no different. When we had to spend any amount of time apart, my mind was always focused on her. Making sure that whatever she had to do, she was doing it safely and without fear. It had become almost second nature to check on her, even going so far as to text her whenever I had a spare second free. Not only did I believe I was helping her, but at the same time helping myself. Otherwise the worry over her well being might make me sick.

"Yeah. There was a party starting as I was leaving in my dorm and getting out there was beyond hard." She leaned in closer to me and whispered her next words. "You can relax Sam, I'm really okay."

Touching her cheek, I leaned in and kissed the top of her head, almost out of habit and my heart melted inside my chest as I saw her smile even brighter. It happened this way every time I did this but the affect was always the same. I was beginning to live to see that smile.

"Hey there I'm Cheryl."

We were separated then as Cheryl made her presence known. I had known this was coming, but for a few brief seconds, I had thought we'd get just a little more time together. It would seem that my best friend had other plans.

"Hi, April."

"So nice to finally meet you. Sammy here stole you from us last week before we could properly meet. I'm so glad he got you to agree to it this week."

"I kind of think that was more me then Sam. It really is nice to finally meet you though."

Cheryl hugged her then and I felt myself tense the moment they made contact. Not out of jealousy but out of fear. April was still learning to adjust to her life being away from abuse, and any form of touching usually made her freeze and back up. I was sure Cheryl would be understanding of it but it didn't make me worry any less.

It was obvious that Blaine also noticed my reaction as he was by my side instantly. "I know you're concerned about tonight man, but don't be. No one here is going to hurt her and I'm sure she knows that. Take it easy."

"Easier said then done."

"You can't keep doing this to yourself man. She's got to be able to handle things on her own, as they come, or she won't ever heal. Look at the two of them. They're absolutely fine, and April had no reaction to Cheryl's hug at all. It's all good. You need to relax."

He was right, and I knew it. I had to really hear it and listen otherwise I was going to end up doing more harm to both of us then good. I wanted to protect her from everything, to the point of almost smothering her and before it got any more out of hand I needed to do as Blaine said and relax. Or I wasn't going to have the strength when the real danger did present itself.

"So are the two of you going to go another duet tonight?"

I put my focus back on to the conversation around me, just as Cheryl asked the question. I hadn't given any thought to what we were going to do tonight other then just spending time together, but now that it was out there, it made me wonder if we would indeed be singing together again.

"I don't think so." April answered, the smile never leaving her face. "I think I'm going to sit it out tonight and let other people do the singing. What about you and Blaine? Sam tells me that the two of you sing well together. Am I going to see that tonight?"

"Who knows. We end up doing something practically every week when we're here. Blaine more then me, but still. We'll see. It takes the fun out of it planning it to death don't you think?"

"I agree. So I guess that just leaves Sam then."

I hadn't really been paying attention to the conversation around me, the actual words anyway. I was amazed at just how at ease April seemed. She was openly talking with my friend, like they hadn't just met five minutes before and there wasn't a ounce of fear showing on her face. Not the way she had been the week before. It made what Blaine had said even more important. I really needed to take a step back and let her handle herself.

"Earth to Sammy."

"Sorry what?"

"I swear he did this last week and it made sense. I mean he kept spacing out when you were singing, but now, with you right here and actually talking to him, it makes no sense."

"Gee thanks Cher, because I couldn't have made myself sound crazy all on my own."

"Doesn't seem crazy to me."

I felt it then, under the table, the faintest of touches as her hand came to rest on top of mine. She squeezed it gently, not taking her eyes off the table and the people around her, and I felt myself immediately relax. She was letting me know that everything was alright. She wasn't going anywhere.

Slipping my hand out from under hers, I placed it on top and interlocked our fingers, giving her the faintest of squeezes back. It was one of the most natural experiences in the world for two people but for me it was making my entire body explode on contact. Just further proof that when it came to this woman, I was certifiably insane. The way she was made me feel in any given moment, was unparalleled.

"So buddy, you singing tonight?" Blaine asked bringing the conversation back to where it had all began and away from the fireworks shooting off inside of me. I was thankful for the distraction.

"Yeah I was thinking I would."

"Something you been working on?"

Whenever I felt the urge it was not unheard of for me to grab my acoustic and write music. It wasn't music that I let anyone hear, but it was still music. Blaine knew about it because he had walked in one day when I had been in the choir room doing that very thing. It was the one and only time anyone had heard anything I'd made myself. I hadn't been working on anything recently that was my very own though so the answer was easy.

"Nah. Think I'll just turn a song I heard into an acoustic number. My usual."

"I'm sure it will be great."

I know that logically no human being can be perfect. I am of the belief though that there can be a person out there in the world that can be perfect for you and with April I think I had found her. Not only was she doing her best to make me feel at ease when I was worrying about her, but she was also being supportive. I'd had people be supportive of me before, but nothing remotely close to this. The way it made me feel. It was just perfect and exactly what I needed without even realizing that I needed it.

"Well it's that time again. Another open mic night here at Crimson's. So put your fear aside and if you've got a song to sing, be it your own creation or your take on another creation, let your star shine bright."

The way Jared opened up the musical portion of the night, was nothing like mine but it was impressive. He enjoyed these nights almost as much as I did even though he didn't ever openly sing. Just as it was with me, he found the night magical. Lately though it had been more then just the music making the night magical, at least for me.

I had been working on a song. Not one of my own creation, but one that I had heard repeatedly over the last week and felt that I needed to sing. If I'm honest I had been looking for just the right song to sing that night, given what this night actually meant and I believed myself to have found it. I only hoped that as stood and made my way to the front, where my acoustic was waiting for me, that April would feel the same.

"Normally I wait for the end of the night to do this, but tonight I feel like changing things up. I haven't been able to get this song out of my head, and once you hear it I'm pretty sure you'll figure out why. So April, this one is for you."

**If you're still up for chasing dreams  
I've got a bottle, two glasses and a backseat.  
And a lot of things to resolve  
If you've got the time at all **

Teaching myself the chords, making sure that I didn't miss a beat had been easier then I had expected. It was like as I was learning the song that it was guiding me, moving me, so as I played it now, for the first time publicly, it was almost second nature, moving from one part to the next.

**I'm not one to be much different  
Than who I really am  
I lived my life for way too long  
Trying to please everyone else.  
Sometimes I should probably  
Just bite my goddamn tongue  
Will I've said too much a few times  
But how much is enough**

**For you**  
**'Cause I don't want to lose you**

**I was thinking about telling you  
I was in love  
I was in love with you **

I knew that the words would affect her. I knew given the declaration that I had made at the beginning of the song that all eyes would be on her, a risk that I had taken given what she was going through but one that I was rewarded for as I focused my eyes on her while I sang. Her cheeks were just beginning to turn the brightest shade of pink but she never took her eyes off me for a second. Nor did the smile ever fade from her face.

If the look and reaction were any indication, she was not running from the feelings I was now laying on the table in front of her and it warmed my heart, making me feel even more secure, knowing it. Feeling it. She wasn't going anywhere.

**No palace of words will make this better  
If there's deceit in every letter  
You came to me with a hope for a future  
And I came to you with a weighted life**

**For you**  
**'Cause I don't want to lose you**

**I was thinking about telling you**  
**I was in love**

Stepping outside of the box and doing something that I'd never done before, I stood from the stood then and continuing to play the song, I made my way down to the table where she sat, surrounded by my two best friends, both of them all smiles. As I reached her, I played the final few bars of the song, by heart, and where I had kept my eyes closed singing before, now they were wide open and trained only on her. **  
**

**I was in love with you  
With you**

**With you  
I'm in love with you **

As I finished the song, my eyes still not leaving hers, I began to move the guitar, to pull it over my head, prepared to put it back onto the stage for the next person, but before I could begin she took me off guard and she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and not wasting another second she put her lips to mine and she kissed me. Hard at first, but then softening after a few seconds of contact.

While I had hoped that the song would speak to her, that she would hear what I was trying to tell her, baring my soul the way I was, I hadn't even begun to expect this kind of reaction. She was such a private person, holding everything she was thinking and feeling inside unless she was being pushed to open the door, to let down the barriers and this was completely unlike what I come to expect.

As I pulled away I looked at her, really took all of her in again, and was amazed to find the smile on her lips again, the one that had been there since the moment she arrived that night and hadn't disappeared for a second since.

"Do you really mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"What you sang to me."

"More then I've ever meant anything in my life. April, I know its fast but-"

Before I had the chance to continue she put her finger to my lips.

"Sam, don't say anything else."

Out of respect for what she had asked of me, instead of answering I just nodded my head in understanding. I had no idea where this was going, but I found that in that moment as much as I normally would have torn it apart in questions, I didn't care too. I was going to take whatever was going to come next.

"It is fast and it's scary and there's a small part of me that wants to run right now but I'm not going too."

"Please don't run."

"I won't." her words came out in barely a whisper, almost as if she was keeping the conversation between the two of us even though our friends were more then close enough to hear the entire exchange but were also remaining deathly silent. "I feel the same."

"You what?"

"I feel the same way, as what you said."

"You, you love me?"

Before she could answer there was a commotion at the table, one that was impossible to ignore. Looking up for just a split second, April's eyes following along with me, I noticed instantly what the commotion was about. Someone had shown up at our table.

My hand still resting on April's leg I felt her instantly tense up, her body, which had been well heated, warm before was now beginning to turn incredibly cold, more so with each passing second. She immediately wrapped her hair around her face, much the way she had done the first night she had come into the coffee shop, something I hadn't missed. She brought her head down then, closer to the table and I instinctively pulled her to me. I had no idea what made me think of it but I knew in that moment that whatever was going on, she needed my help with.

Whispering softly to her, as I watched my friends talk with the new occupant at the table, I buried her face into my chest.

"Do you need to get out of here?"

She nodded against my chest, obviously not trusting her own voice, or wanting to arouse anyone else's curiosity and I immediately pulled myself up from the seat, guitar still hung around my neck, making it impossible to bring her as close to me as I needed her to be in that moment.

"Hey Blaine, we're gonna head outside from some air, we'll be right back."

I wanted to keep things as natural as possible and given the way we had been speaking before the interruption, us needing much needed time alone shouldn't make anyone suspect anything. Or at least that was what I was hoping for.

"Hurry back man, we got a lot of catching up to do while I'm in town."

"Sure, no problem. It's nice to see you again man."

Moving as quickly as I could, bringing her around to the side of me that wasn't in plain view of everyone at the table, I moved her toward the door. Her body was so cold now, hard, almost like metal. I had no idea why this was happening now, only that I had to get her out of there and away from whatever was causing it.

The minute we slid through the doors and were standing outside, she pulled away from me and made a run for the spot where I had found her only one week before, the spot where she had confessed everything to me and all of this, what we were now feeling had began.

I was left with only one question though as I watched her run and immediately picked up my pace to follow her.

Why did her blood instantly run cold the minute Cooper Anderson had arrived at our table and what if any part did it play on what she had been about to tell me?


	15. The Truth

**Authors Note:** There are times when I want to write angst and do so in a tolerable manner even though they cover horribly hard subject matter and other times where it just takes the very life out of me to do so. I feel that I need to say this right off the bat, but please, reader discretion is advised at least for a portion of this chapter. I'm about to take myself into a very dark place while writing it and then you while reading, so heads up. The dark parts will be written third person as this is primarily a Sam POV chapter. On with the story.

* * *

"_Get on your fucking knees right now, you stupid; moronic bitch. You need to pay for what you've done!"_

_She had no idea what she had done this time only that she was paying for it. He was being especially cruel this time, not wasting any time or words on her and just getting to the most vulgar of parts. She heard his fly unzip and watched, her breathing caught in her throat as his pants fell to the floor. She had been here so many times before, but this time, it just felt even worse. _

_He grabbed her head then and pushed her mouth down onto his dick, shoving it as far down over, making her choke on it in the process. Forcing the bile that had come up in her throat back down, not wanting to upset him further she serviced him as he required her too, sick to her stomach with each passing second as she did it. _

_Before he could climax though, he pushed her away from him and she began sucking in air, as much as she could as quickly as she could because from here, she had no idea where he was going to take her next. He had never shoved her off of him before, so the rest was now a mystery. A mystery she wanted n part of but couldn't escape from. _

_He grabbed her chest then and not wanting to waste time pulling her clothes off her in the proper way, the way she had always been told that a man should do with a woman that he cared about, he opted instead of rip her shirt right from her body, discarding it to the floor like it was nothing. Very much the same way he did to her on a frequent basis. _

"_These, they belong to me. Not to anyone else. Not even for them to fucking look at. No, every part of you belongs to me and you better not fucking forget it."_

_He jammed his other free hand down her pants then and while she struggled with him, moving her legs , pushing them tighter so that he couldn't access her more private of parts, she was more then a little powerless to stop him. He was determined to have her, more determined then she'd ever seen him so fighting him was pointless. _

_Removing his hand from her breast he slapped her hard on the left hand side of her head. "Stop fighting me. I own you, don't you get that?"_

_**If I could just get him to back off for a second, I could kick him and try and make a run for it. **_

_It had seemed like a good thought at the time, but he was giving her no opportunity to be able to do what she really wanted to do. No, instead he had completely covered her now, both of them on the floor, and he was ripping the pants from her body, dealing with them about as easily as he had with her shirt only moments before. _

_There really was no escape from this horror now. He had her locked in place, and he was going to make her pay, the very same way he had only a few short days ago. She had been a very bad girl, even though she had no idea what she'd done, and he was going to show her in no uncertain terms just how bad she really was. _

_No escape, only surrender and praying with everything in her that she would pass out from this so she wouldn't have to relive it ever again._

_He pushed himself hard all the way up inside her and she screamed in agony with the pain that was now making its way from the point of entry all the way through her body. He was ripping her apart and he knew it and worst of all, he didn't care. In fact, he more then enjoyed it. The fear on her face, the pain rippling through her body and the tears that were now so heavy they were staining the very floor they were laying on. _

"_I saw the way you looked at my brother, too bad for you he doesn't play for your team isn't it? If he did you would have gotten him alone and fucked his brains out. You're not good enough for my brother, you're not good enough for anyone. When the fuck are you going to realize that. You're just shit on a shoe."_

_Reality hit her then, the reason for his anger. They had gone to dinner with Blaine only hours before and while he was delusional in his facts of the way she had been with Blaine that night, she knew there was no talking him out of it. The damage had already been done and all she had done to earn it was smile at the brother of the man she loved. Loved even when it cost her her very own self respect and dignity._

"_Say it!"_

_Choking back the tears she opened her eyes and looked directly at the man above her doing the unspeakable to her. _

"_Say..say what?"_

"_Tell me what I wanna hear."_

"_You're the best man I've ever been with. You're the only man I want doing this to me. Cooper Anderson, you're king."_

* * *

I had no idea what to do. She had asked me a few minutes before to walk her back to the dorm room, that she couldn't stay at the coffee shop and wanting to do whatever it took to make her feel comfortable again, I was more then willing to do it.

Things had only gotten worse after we had walked out of Crimson's. She had broken down on me, falling to the ground as she lost control of her breathing and began crying. I had never seen anything like this and every idea that I came up with to try and make it better, just didn't seem like it would be enough but it was breaking me apart from the inside out watching her go through it alone.

I wanted her to speak as we walked, to say something, anything really that could give me some indication of how I could help her. Just walking with her the way I was only made me feel like shit. Here I was, this big tough football player, that no one ever dared mess with and when the girl I was in love with was falling apart before me, I wanted to cower in fear. The complete opposite of what I should have been doing.

We reached her dorm room quicker then I would have liked and it took everything in me not to ask her if she wanted me with her. She fumbled for her keys, her hands shaking uncontrollably and I immediately reached out, my own hands barely stabilized and put them over hers gently, sliding the keys out from under her and putting them into the door, unlocking it and then pushing the door open, allowing her the retreat she needed.

She ran into the room but instead of turning back to thank me or to politely ask me to leave her alone she took me by surprise by doing the exact opposite.

"Are you coming in or are you going to stay out there all night?"

It didn't take any more then that for me to enter the room and shut the door behind me. I looked at the made up bed on the other side of the room from her, wondering instantly where her roommate was and when she would be coming back. I wasn't sure that April was in any state for her roommate to see. Or at least that was what I assumed. With as closed off as she had seemed to be upon first meeting, it wasn't a far stretch to believe she had kept her roommate as in the dark as everyone else.

"You sure we're alone?"

"Yeah, she parties all night on the weekend. We're alone. At least until about 6 AM anyway."

Questions were floating through my mind, a dozen every second and I knew now was the time to ask my questions to find out how I could help her, or to even just listen to her if she wanted to open up to me again but I was locked in a standstill with myself. I had no idea what the right move to make was. I had never experienced anything close to this before. This was a hell of a lot worse then being homeless for a short period of time, or even stripping to make sure your family never went homeless again. I was at a complete loss.

"Thank you Sam."

"Don't thank me. There's nothing to thank me for. You needed help and I saw that and helped. That's it."

"It's more then that and you know it."

She sat down on the bed and patted the spot beside her, another move that given everything she was experiencing shocked me. The fact that even at her worst she was reaching out just that small little bit and allowing me close to her shook me to my very core.

"What happened back there April? One minute we were in our little world and things seemed so perfect and out of nowhere it turned awful. Was it something I did?"

"You can't really think that can you? Sam, no. Just no. It had nothing at all to do with you."

"Then what was it? What happened?"

"He was there Sam. He found me and he was there."

He. There was only one person she referred to that way.

The guy that had done this to her for years, making her become the broken woman before him now, he had apparently been at Crimson's and it hadn't even occurred to him until now? He wanted to smack himself but knew that right now wasn't the time, so instead he focused back on the conversation.

"He was there."

"Yes. I let my guard down for one second. I wanted to enjoy this one night with you and your friends but I knew that was impossible. It's always impossible. I don't know why I even bother running from him anymore when he just finds me and takes me back anyway. It's only going to be a short time before he's here and I'm gone."

"Over my dead body. You're not going anywhere with him ever again April. You might have done that in the past but I'm involved now and I won't let him hurt you again. Ever again."

"You don't know what he'll do Sam and I can't risk you getting hurt. I just couldn't live with myself if something happened to someone I cared about because of me. I won't let it happen. I'd rather go and face my fate head on then ever let someone I love get hurt."

"Someone you love?"

I knew I was being selfish, turning the conversation the way I had but when those words had fallen from her lips they were the first things I latched on to. I couldn't just let it go. No matter how selfish it made me.

"Yes Sam, someone I love."

It hit me then, out of nowhere and having nothing to do with the words she had just admitted to me. Her reaction to Blaine a week beforehand, the instant panic attack she had experience when Cooper had come up to their table in the coffee shop. The way she hid her face with her hair and instantly put herself like a child into my chest to block herself from sight. The person she was running from, it wasn't just someone random guy, no this was someone I knew.

The person abusing April was Cooper Anderson. I knew it as easily as I knew my own name and birthday. There was no other plausible explanation. Cooper had done this to her.

"It's Cooper isn't it? You're running from Cooper."

She nodded, almost to afraid to trust her voice and a part of me died inside. I had met this guy when he had showed up at McKinley years before. I hadn't had much interaction with him since as he had moved away a year later to try to be a more serious actor but the Cooper I did remember was nothing like the man that April had described to him. I just couldn't wrap my mind around it.

"I know him."

"I know. When you introduced me to Blaine I knew that you must also know Cooper. Another reason I didn't want to open up to you. I can't put you in danger Sam, especially against someone you know."

I didn't care about any of that. Yes I was having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that someone that was related to docile and caring Blaine could be capable of such darkness but I didn't care about my own well being anymore. I believed her, every single word she'd told me thus far, not being given any other reason not too and I still wanted to do nothing but protect her and I had meant it when i said that he wouldn't be hurting her or anyone else anymore. Even if that person was Cooper Anderson, the abuse was going to end even if I had to end it myself.

"Cooper beat you, he raped you or at least I think he came pretty close, physically anyway. I already know he did it emotionally, and he made you fear for your life. Is that right?"

"Without telling you every single detail, yes. All of that."

I stood from the bed then and made my way over to where a dresser stood, perfumes, and makeup covering it. I let everything that she had told me flow through my mind again, from the very beginning, as well as things I had witnessed myself and it just made me sicker and sicker inside going through all of it. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to make him pay for the horror he was putting this woman through.

My anger got the better of me and I slammed my first down on the dresser, throwing the makeup, the perfumes and other assorted female items to the floor upon impact. It was only when I heard April scream in fright that I realized I had done the one thing I didn't want to do. I was scaring her.

"I'm so sorry April, Jesus I wasn't thinking."

I wrapped my arms around her then and pulled her to me, as close as I could manage, feeling her tensed up body relax the longer that I held her in that position. After a few minutes of just saying silent, unmoving in the same position I felt her arms wrap around my back, pushing herself even closer to me, so much so that I could feel her breath on my skin and I felt my own anger begin to dissipate.

I might not have known what to do in that very moment but what I had done seemed to be working. She was breaking down her walls again, calming her breathing and her mind and I was releasing all of the anger I felt, just from touching her this way. We were calming each other. Saving each other.

It was only when the hard knock came on the door that we broke apart and through touch I felt her tense up again.

"That's probably Cheryl. I told her a few days ago that you had a room over here, she probably figured out the rest herself. Its her way."

"He'll be with them."

"I know, and I'm not going to let him even see you. Just trust me alright. I'm going to go answer it and make them go away."

"What about Blaine?"

"I'll deal with Blaine in the morning. He doesn't go back to school until Sunday night anyway. More then enough time for me to get him alone. April I know you're scared but please just trust me."

As she nodded and gave me the permission I needed to answer the door, and deal with whatever faced me on the other side of it, I did my best to push down the anger, knowing that if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to do what I'd promised her when I'd asked her to trust me, which was keep her safe and not blow it all.

The only thing in that moment that kept me sane was knowing that I was doing exactly what I had wanted to do from the start. I was helping her, the beautiful woman that I'd had to find only after knocking her down and the woman that I was in love with. Nothing else mattered to me anymore.

Only her.


	16. Secrets and Lies

**Authors Note:** I've been going over when the right time to drop the name would be, and I've figured it out, It's probably going to be this chapter or the next. It all depends where these characters take me. I'm actually starting to see April Rose as April Rhodes as well though and I think it's going to drive me nuts soon lol. So expect that here soon. As for my state of mind after writing the first half of that chapter, well it affected me, and in a way where I had to actually not write the rest of the day after writing it. It's a place I didn't want to go but had to given the way I wanted this story written. This won't ever be a mainstream Glee fiction, I know that better then anyone, it's not all roses, sex, and love. The fact that it's being looked at at all though, that means something, so as always, I thank you. Any and all of you that do read it.

* * *

Have you ever had one of those moments, where your brain just seems to process too much information and goes into an almost shut down mode?

As I opened the door, and made my way out as gingerly as I could, making sure that April and anything that might have stuck out about her being here was hidden, that was exactly how I was feeling. I knew what I would find on the other side of the door, as had April and we weren't disappointed.

Cooper was there, smiling as he always did whenever I had been in his presence, Blaine and Cheryl with him. I knew that any second the questions would start but I wasn't entirely sure how I was going to handle it. All I knew was that I had to get them out of here, away from this room and April and I had to do it quick.

I still couldn't believe that what she had been through had been caused by someone that I knew. Someone that I had spent even a small amount of time around. I would have had an easier time believing that space aliens had invaded the Earth and done this to her then I was having believing that the person behind the abuse was Cooper. After spending so much time with Blaine, knowing the way he was inside and out, I had always been of the assumption that his brother was pretty close to the same, even if he did seem to have more of an ego then the younger Anderson brother.

"Sammy, is everything alright?"

The minute she spoke I hoped that she wouldn't give too much away. Everything from this point on had to be dealt with gingerly, the abuse, what April was going through, it couldn't be brought up.

"Yeah, she just really sick and wanted me to bring her home."

"You sure?"

"Yes Cher, I'm sure. She just wants to be alone to sleep it off. So let's get out of here. We can go back to Crimson's if you want."

"Actually, Cooper thought we could all go grab a drink and catch up. With the way the night turned out, April being sick and all, we just figured we'd change it up a bit."

As Blaine spoke, letting me in on their plan, I knew that if I let it happen then I'd never be able to get Blaine alone. Before any of this went any further, I knew that I had to get him alone and tell him what his brother had done. Or what he was at the very least being accused of.I had no idea what I was doing, and I needed help. I had always been able to go to Blaine before, with my deepest; darkest secrets and I hoped this time would be no different. It was more then that though, Blaine deserved to know what was going on.

Looking at Cheryl, seeing her standing there smiling the way she was, I knew that I also had to do this for her. If Cooper really was the monster that April had said he was then the next logical person close enough to face that kind of evil was her. Blaine needed to know what was going on so that he could protect Cheryl from it if the time ever came. I'd hope that Cooper wouldn't be that obvious with it, having kept April quiet for as long as he had, but anything was possible now. Who really knew how close to the edge this well kept and put together guy was.

"I'm not really up for a night of drinking. Sorry guys."

"You're worried about her aren't you?" Cheryl asked me, pulling me away from the brothers and off to the side of April's door.

"Yes Cher."

"She isn't sick is she?"

"No, she's not."

I knew where this was going, the only question now was, could I say it all out loud. Could I really tell Cheryl all of what I had been told, to warn her, to keep her safe or at least get me closer to Blaine and away from Cooper, so that I could tell him? I just couldn't bring myself to do it. The words were stuck on my throat.

"Are you going to stay here tonight?"

"Yeah I think so. If she wants me here, then I'm not leaving."

"Oh Sammy, she better realize just how lucky she is."

Lucky wasn't the word I would use for it. There was nothing lucky about what April was going through in that room right now. What she'd been going through all night since Cooper had walked back into her life. The life she had been trying to build away from him. No she was far from lucky, even though I knew Cheryl meant it in a much different way.

"I'm the lucky one. Look, you should go, have fun with Cooper. I mean I'm sure he's not in town all that long, being a famous actor and all. I'll be alright here."

"Are you sure? Look Sam, I know I'm usually all jokes and stuff but you don't seem like yourself. Something more is going on. I hope you know you can tell me anything and it won't go anywhere, not even to Blaine if that's what you want."

Here was my shot. I could tell her that Cooper was the man that April was running from, and I could ask her to tell Blaine, so that I could get my friends away from him and then we could all work as a team and figure this out. I wouldn't have to deal with it and all the choices it brought up on my own. I had never experienced this before and every word that I said, I was checking over and over before I even said it. One wrong move and it could cost April a lot more then just being found. It affected her very life.

"There is something going on. Something big and I want to tell you but right now, I just can't. I can't risk anyone else finding out."

I motioned to Cooper as I said the words and she immediately picked up on it and nodded in understanding.

"Okay, so we'll go out with Cooper, drop him off wherever and then Blaine and I will come back and you can tell us whats going on then." She hugged me tight then and whispered in my ear as she pulled me close "Don't worry Sam, her secrets safe with me."

She pulled away then and made her way back over to Blaine and Cooper and I followed suit. Just hearing her say what she'd said put me at ease. At least for one more night, April was safe. Protected. I didn't have to worry about anything happening to her. Cheryl and Blaine would see to that just by being themselves.

"You sure you don't want to come with us man?"

A look passed between me and Cheryl and before I could speak, she spoke first. "Do you remember when we first got together, how we would kill for the alone time? Well now its Sam's turn baby. He needs to be here with her. I already promised him that we'd see him in the morning."

Passing Cheryl a look, silently thanking her for saying what she had, saving me from having to come up with that excuse or any other on my own, I said my goodbyes and breathed a sigh of relief as they all began walking down the hall of the dorm, further away from me and even farther away from April. She was safe, at least for another night. A night that I couldn't let her spend alone.

It might have been over protective, it might have seemed crazy but with Cooper as close as he was, I no longer cared about how it looked or what affect that the way I was might have on the two of us. All I cared about now was keeping her safe, and making sure that until Cooper was gone from Ohio again, she wouldn't spend another minute alone.

She was laying on her bed, on top of the blankets when I entered the room again and making sure that her door was locked up tight, I went to her, sitting just on the edge, watching her, choosing not to say a word.

I had seen things tonight with her. I had watched her go from the open, smiling, bright woman that had gotten over her fear of everyone and was willing to be open with my friends and even with me, to a frozen, hard, closed up tight mess. I had seen her breakdown. Go from standing on her own two feet to needing me just to be able to get herself back up off the ground. It was like seeing the April before the abuse and then the April after the abuse all in the span of a few hours and it was scary. I don't admit to being scared by much but seeing her relive everything, the way she had both outside the coffee shop and again here in her room, it filled me not only with anger, but fear as well.

The worst part was not knowing what to do with any of it. When one gets scared, don't they run, or at least walk away from the thing that frightens them? Isn't that the way that the brain deals with it instead of facing it head on, at least in some cases? I wanted to do that, I wanted to back away from this thing that I didn't even begin to understand but I knew I couldn't. As much as I was scared of the unknown, I was even more scared of the unknown without her.

"Are they gone?"

Her words were barely audible as she still had her face buried into her pillow but I had no problem making it out.

"Yeah, they're gone."

"Thank you."

"I told you, you don't need to thank me."

Silence filled the air then and I just sat and enjoyed it. For a few short moments I could actually breath in the air around me, take stock of the situation I was faced with, something that for the past couple of hours I hadn't been able to do. In a situation like this I was sure that silence was never a good thing but for me, I couldn't have been more thankful for it. I needed a chance to regulate myself after everything I'd been through as I was sure, did April.

"If he's here then it means I need to go."

That wasn't what I had been expecting. "What?"

"I ran Sam. I knew he would come looking. I knew I wasn't going to be able to get too comfortable anywhere for any amount of time long term. I need to go. I can't stay here. Not when his brother is here and it's even more reason for him to stay in town and keep looking for me."

She was right and I knew it but I couldn't agree with her. When she had admitted everything to me a week ago, and then even more so tonight, I knew that her leaving was an option that if she really wanted to escape Cooper the way she claimed to that she'd have to constantly keep herself moving but I just couldn't handle it happening. Even if it was the right thing for her to do, it wasn't the right thing for me. I had finally found her, I couldn't just let her go again.

"Then we'll leave together."

"Sam, no! I'm not letting you leave your life here, your friends and family to run with me. I put myself in this situation, I knew what was going to happen there is no way I'm bringing you into it too. I just can't do that."

"I'm not asking you. I'm telling you. You're never going to have to go through this alone again. I don't care about my life here. All I care about is you. We can figure everything else out later when we get settled somewhere he can't ever find us."

I knew what I was doing. I was putting my foot down and not accepting anything from her. It wasn't the first time I had done this. Talked myself into a situation that otherwise I wouldn't have done because I had worked it out in my brain that it was what needed to be done. I didn't want to put pressure on her, but I couldn't let her run anymore. If I was honest, I couldn't let her run from me. It hurt me just thinking about it.

"Sam you're not thinking clearly. There is still so much that you don't know. I can't let you do this."

"I'm thinking clearer then I ever have before. I don't care if there are things I don't know. You can tell me on the way to wherever we're going. You can't do this alone and I won't let you."

She shook her head, not accepting what I was telling her and I knew I was pushing it. Up until this point I had practically been walking on egg shells with her, not wanting to upset her or make her pull away from me after trusting me enough to open up to me but I just couldn't do that anymore. This situation wasn't going to get any better, there was no magical ending envisioned here, and I had to make her see that my way, what I wanted to do was best.

"You're not going to make this easy are you?"

"No sweetheart I'm not. You're stuck with me."

"If you're determined that your way is best then maybe I need to tell you everything and then you can tell me if you still want to give up your life here and go on the run with me."

"What else is there to tell me? I already know the worst of it."

"Yes, you do, but you don't know everything. Sam, even with as much as I've already told you, I've still been keeping things to myself, things that may change your mind about me and what you're willing to do for me."

"What are you talking about? Nothing is going to change my mind about you. I don't care what you're keeping from me."

"You say that now, but you might not when you hear everything I have to say. Sam, I've been lying to you. I didn't want to lie but I did it and I can't let you keep doing this without knowing the truth."

My heart dropped into my stomach. She had been keeping things from me, that was no surprise as I'd expected that, but lying to me. What in the world could she have been lying to me about?


	17. Nameless Shapeless Faces

**Authors Note:** It's here. The time has come. I'm finally going to make April Rose (yeah see, I almost typed Rhodes) disappear. She's served her purpose, but its time to get down to reality. FINALLY! Lol. For my constant reviewer FicTranslator, thank you, not only for the review, but for actually saying more then just "wow that's awesome", you do give me things to think about and even more things I can focus on. So I appreciate you. You should know that. Much respect :)

* * *

The silence in the room was deafening. April was going to tell me everything, including things that she had been lying to me about. Things that she believed that I needed to hear so that if I was still intent on following through with the plan I had made in my head, that I could do so informed. I had been honest with her when I'd said that there was nothing that she could say that would change my mind but the minute she said that she'd been lying to me, I felt myself backtrack.

It wasn't that I was expecting her to be entirely honest about everything given her situation, because I wasn't but I had thought that if there had still been things of importance that I needed to know that she would have been able to tell me by now given how I'd been with her. How I still was with her. Knowing that there were things she was keeping from me or even lying to me about, it just didn't sit well. It made me sit up and realize that even though I'd made myself believe I knew this woman, I really didn't know a thing about her.

I didn't want to doubt her, I didn't want to even let my mind go there for a second but if she felt that what she was withholding was lying to me, then how did I know that anything she had been telling me was the truth? Doubt was beginning to form and there was nothing I could do about it, especially with her being as silent as she was.

"Are you sure you want to hear this Sam?"

Was I sure? Well no, actually I wasn't sure of anything but I couldn't exactly tell her that. I didn't know if I was ready to hear this or not. I only knew that if I wanted to move on from this moment, with this woman then I needed to know it, even if what I heard would hurt.

"Yeah, I'm sure. You want to tell me, you have to tell me, so I think you should just do it and we'll deal."

"When I came here, when I ran, I had to change everything about myself. Not the core things about me of course, the things that the rest of the world couldn't see. I'm still me on the inside but everything else, everything you see right now. It's all a lie. It's not the real me."

"What are you talking about?"

She pointed to her hair, running her fingers through it and began speaking again. "This colour, it's not real. What I mean is, its not mine. Not really. I dyed it the day I ran, so it would make me harder to recognize. I changed the way I dressed, so that the way he remembered me, wouldn't be what he would find if he came looking." She pulled at her shirt, and then cast a look down towards her pants. " I wear glasses, not all the time, but sometimes, and you've been with me all week, have you ever seen me with them?"

"No."

She had changed her physical appearance and she believed that to be a lie. If what she was going to tell me was going to be this easy then right now April Rose had nothing to worry about. She had run from someone who had been abusing her, wasn't changing yourself one of the first things you did? I didn't have experience with it, but I could assume that it was normal. If this was the worst of it, then it didn't change my mind at all. She had been doing what she needed to do so that she could be free.

"I had to do whatever it took to become someone else, to become something else so that Cooper couldn't find me easily. I always knew he would find me, I've tried running once before, but I had hoped that this time, I'd have a much better advantage at keeping myself hidden."

"I understand that. Look April, if you think that changing the way you look is going to make me look at you differently then you're wrong. If you hadn't done all of that then I'd be more concerned."

"That's not all of it Sam."

My stomach dropped again the minute she spoke the words. As much as I had been hoping that this was indeed all of it, deep down I'd known it wasn't and that whatever she was about to say next was going to be the worst of it. She had only started off with the obvious to soften whatever blow was about to come. The waiting was killing me though, I just wanted her to spit it out already.

"Just tell me."

"The person you've been getting to know for the last almost two weeks, it's not me. Or at least not the real me."

Now she really had me confused. "What are you talking about? Because unless you've got a twin somewhere, I think the person I've been spending all of my time with has been you."

"No. I'm sorry. Of course, you've been with me."

"Then what are you trying to say April? Just tell me because all of this beating around the bush is killing me."

That's when the bomb dropped and I reached the point of no return. The point where I had taken in more information then my head and my heart could process and I just broke.

"My name isn't April Rose. It's Megan. Megan Winchester. I'm an aspiring singer from Michigan, born and raised in Lima, Ohio. Cooper isn't just my boyfriend, he's my husband. One stupid night a couple of years ago, we took a trip to Vegas, and I did the unthinkable. I married him, hoping at the time that in doing so, making myself his, in every way I could think of would stop the way things were."

Megan. Not April, the way I'd believed her to be. No her name was Megan, and given everything she'd just told me, she wasn't even Megan Winchester anymore, she was Megan Anderson. Cooper's wife. I was in love with a married woman.

"Is..is that everything?" I managed to choke out, needing desperately to know that there wasn't another bombshell about to be thrown my way. In that moment I knew that I couldn't stand to hear anymore, it was hard enough processing what I did know now.

"Yes, that's all of it. Now you see don't you Sam? I'm his property, the way he always tells me I am. I can't let you throw your life away to help me. I just can't."

I needed to breathe. Everything she had just confessed was flowing around in circles in my head and I hadn't taken a breath since it all came out and I knew now that I needed to breathe before I passed out. This was all too much. She had been right when she'd said she was lying to me. She had been married, and she wasn't even who she said she was. She was someone entirely different. I didn't know what to think, how to feel. I was just numb.

I backed off her bed, away from her, feeling the pain through my chest as I did so. Even with everything I'd learned my body and my heart didn't want me to walk away from her but in that moment I didn't know what else to do. Everything that I had believed, might not have been a total lie but she had been keeping two very big things from me, lying to me about them even though I knew I had more then proved she didn't have to hide from me.

"Sam.."

"You're married?"

"Yes."

"To a man you say abuses you?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry Apr...Megan, I just can't be here right now. I need some air."

I was standing at the door now as I forced the words from my lips. It wasn't a lie, I was smothering myself in this room right now and I needed to get out before it did even more damage.

"Please don't leave.."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to say, or what to do. You weren't kidding about keeping things from me, lying to me. I think I've heard enough. I need to just go. I can't do this right now."

I ran then, not really running but making my way out of the room as quickly as I could. As far away from what I'd heard as I could get. This woman, the woman I knew I loved more then anything and had every reason to hide and keep things secret, had been lying and keeping things secret from me, something that deep down I'd hoped she would never do. I understood it, even though it hurt, but I also knew that I needed to process all of this and I couldn't do that while in the room with her, her eyes on me begging me to give something I wasn't entirely sure I could give.

The minute I hit the air finally out of the dorm, I fell to my knees on the grass and felt the effects of everything I had been going through for weeks just flood through me until the tiniest of tears fell. I had never been here before, this on edge, filled with so many varying emotions. It had been forever since I'd even allowed myself to cry and yet here I sat now, doing that very thing and at a complete loss as to where to go next.

I wasn't just at a loss, I was completely torn in two.


	18. Numb

**Authors Note:**So my rate of speed in terms of updating. Well that's pretty simple. When I decided I wanted to run with this idea, I made a mental road map in my head. Nothing really specific like chapter per chapter, but an overall kind of feel. Such as, I knew that I wanted to reveal Cooper before revealing her name change, that kind of thing. Not sure what chapters that would happen in, but knowing that I wanted to do it that way. If I have the basic road map in my head, then filling in the streets so to speak along the way is rather easy. If I get a few minutes, then I sit down and I write. Each chapter takes about an hour to just run with, and then some time after cleaning it up (though to my epic fail I do miss some word errors. Spell check randomly misses some stuff lol) then its instantly put in here to update. if I get more time then usual, there is more then one update per day. So that's how I work. I would venture to say though that in translating fictions, your work is harder then mine. Because that takes an amazing amount of experience and patience. So you have my respect in that regard, I don't know if I could do that. So I'll stick to writing :D So wow, speech in the authors note, lol on with the show! :D

* * *

I don't know how long I was laying on the ground that way, I only know that it was in this position that Blaine and Cheryl found me, what turned out to be hours later. It was a miracle that no one that had passed me by had seen me and called the campus security, or worse, the police. I suppose I should have been thankful but being thankful was the farthest thing from my mind.

I could hear them talking to each other only a couple of feet from me. I was privy to every word yet couldn't come up with words of my own. For the first time I was speechless. I had nothing left in me to say. They were worried, I could tell that much just from the limited body language I could witness from my position but I just didn't care. I didn't want their concern, I wanted to be left alone.

It took every ounce of energy in me to breathe. I hadn't experienced anything like it before but I was pretty sure I was heading for a total and complete breakdown, if I hadn't already reached it already. It shouldn't be having this much of an affect on me, that I knew deep inside but I was powerless to stop it none the less.

"We need to get him out of here. Whatever is going on we can't let anyone else find him like this."

I felt myself being picked up by the arms shortly after Blaine spoke the words and summoning the words I tried to speak but found that no sound was coming out. I had nothing left. I had finally reached my breaking point.

"Hang in there buddy, we're gonna take you back to your room. You're fine. We're not going anywhere."

So much caring, and yet they had no real idea what was going on. I knew that now that I had both of them alone, no Cooper in sight that I should tell them what had been going on, earlier in the night and what was happening now but I still couldn't. My brain couldn't even begin to process it let alone share it with anyone else.

After dragging me for a few feet on their own, with no help from me, or my uncooperative body, I managed to summon up enough strength to where I could make the rest of the walk on my own, without their help. I still hadn't said anything but I was pretty sure from the way they were reacting to the ease on themselves that they were thankful that I'd at least managed that much.

There wasn't all that much distance between my dorm room and that of the dorm I had just left so we were there in mere minutes, and once there, in my room alone more quickly. I threw myself down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, not trusting myself to look at my two very concerned friends for fear of having to answer things I wasn't quite ready for.

"What do we do? We can't just leave him like this."

"We need to get him to talk and if that means staying here all night then that's what we're going to do."

"Something must have happened with him and April."

The minute the name came out of Cheryl's mouth I suddenly found my voice again. Hearing her say the name so easily turned my stomach. They had no idea just how wrong they were.

"Megan."

"Sammy..what did you say?"

"Her name's not April, its Megan. She lied."

I have no idea where I was finding the words, as I still felt as numb here on my bed as I had in front of her dorm room only minutes before but there they were. I couldn't let the lie continue. She hadn't wanted to do it, and now, neither did I. My friends deserved to know the truth.

"Okay. Megan then. Did something happen with Megan? Did you two fight or something?"

"No."

"Sammy, you can either tell me or I can go back over to her dorm and ask her myself. I can tell something happened, and I can tell it was bad but we can't help you if you don't open up."

"I don't need help. I don't need anything."

"Cheryl's right man. It's us, we're your best friends. We've heard and been through worse together, and we can deal with this too. Just tell us what's going on."

Somehow, something Blaine said to me got through. I had been wanting to speak to him so badly earlier in the night and I was reminded of that as he spoke. I was also reminded of just what my intention in talking to him had been. To warn him, to make sure that he had Cheryl protected. He was right, I did need to open up and I had to do it now before something happened and I didn't get the chance. Or worse yet, before Cooper Anderson made another unannounced appearance.

"She lied to me man, she lied to everyone."

"Alright, I figured that much already. Why don't you start from the beginning?"

They surrounded me now, Cheryl wrapping her arms around me, and Blaine close on the other side, open and willing to listen. I had them exactly the way I needed them, so if I was going to explain everything then there was no better time then that moment. The only problem was, how do you explain to someone that their brother has been spending the last few years abusing someone when you're finding it hard to believe yourself?

"Apr...fuck, Megan I mean. I know everything now."

"Everything how?"

"She was abused, beaten, raped, emotionally and physically. She ran here to get away from him and changed everything about herself to do it. Tonight though, it all came back."

"Came back how?"

"He found her. Well, I don't think he realizes that he found her yet, but while we were at Crimson's he showed up and she saw him. It was bad. I brought her back to her room, and she told me everything."

"Wait, she was face to face with her abuser tonight? How is that even possible, we were with her the entire time and if we weren't you were. Did you see him?"

I knew it would be this way, so many questions being thrown at me, with the way I was explaining it, it was to be expected but with the rapid fire way they were coming at me I felt myself wanting to shut down again but didn't. I knew that I couldn't do that. Even with as screwed up as I was, she deserved better then that.

"Yes, I saw him. In fact you all saw him."

"Who is it Sammy? Who did this to her?"

"It was Cooper. Blaine, it was your brother. Jesus Christ, your brother has been abusing her for years."

I had dropped the bomb and just saying it out loud, lifted a huge weight off my shoulders, one that I hadn't even known I'd had. Yes I had been keeping it hidden inside, waiting for the right time to tell Blaine, but I hadn't realized just how big of a toll it had been taking on me until the actual words were out.

"No, see that can't even be a little true. Cooper is the calmest guy I know. He would never put his hands on a woman that way."

"Except that he did."

"No, I don't believe you. Cooper wouldn't do something like this. She's lying to you, again."

I knew that he had a point. That if she was willing to lie to me about her name, and even the fact that she was married, that it was possible she would lie about all of it but I knew that wasn't the case here. I believed her, through it all, despite what she'd confessed to me earlier in the night and I wasn't about to back down from it. Cooper had done this and now I just had to make Blaine see it.

"Dude, you know I love you and that I don't start shit unless I really believe it to be true. Think about it. You haven't had contact with him in forever. It's been like what, 5 years or so right? So isn't it entirely possible that he's been this way and you'd have no idea?"

"I've seen him, and even his girlfriend a few times over the last five years. I'm telling you, this April/Megan girl isn't the girl, and the one I did meet was most certainly not looking like she was abused."

"Who actually goes around looking like they're abused when they're in the middle of it with no escape Blaine? Come on. I've never been through this in my life but I have to assume that they're not going to go around family and wear a big neon sign screaming abuse victim."

He went silent then and I knew I had him. He was no longer arguing every other second. No this time he was really giving it some thought. Going over the words I'd said, wrapping his mind around it the same way I had been trying to for hours. Whether he would come to the point where I was now, I didn't know but at least he was opening himself up and thinking about it.

"What did you say her name was?"

"Megan. Megan Winchester, but Blaine, there's more."

Cheryl moved away from me then and made her way over to where her boyfriend sat, immediately wrapping herself around him as closely as could be allowed. With what I was telling him right now, he most definitely needed her support more then I did. He was having to come to terms with what a family member of his was capable of. That was no easy task.

"Megan was her name. But shit, I've seen her, she looks nothing like the Megan I met."

"Give Megan brown hair, give her lighter blue eyes, and different clothing. Also change up the hair style in your mind Blaine. Could that be the girl you met?"

I watched as the reality of the situation sunk in and Blaine immediately put his hands over his face, blocking the shock that was coursing through his system, the same way as it had done with me when I'd heard. He knew that Megan wasn't lying, that the woman that he had met as April a week before was indeed his brother's girlfriend Megan. There could be no more arguing it.

"I never even knew. I looked that girl right in the eye and I couldn't even tell it was her. I had no idea but yeah Sam, if you change all of those things then the girl we all knew as April could be the Megan I met."

Cheryl cut in then. "You said there was more Sammy?"

"Yeah. It's the reason you found me the way you did earlier."

"What is it?" Blaine asked, immediately sitting back up and paying attention again, the initial shock having worn off.

"They're married. According to Megan, she did it two years ago in the hopes that giving herself that way to him would help him feel more secure and stop the abuse."

"He married her? Wow, I don't even think Mom and Dad knew about this, but then again they don't really care to know much unless it pertains to them. Jesus. Sam, did she really tell you that he raped her?"

I nodded. I couldn't speak that out loud. I was already having issues keeping my anger over it in check, speaking it out loud would only bring all of that back again and it wasn't something I was ready to deal with again. Not with as numb as I was still feeling inside.

"Sammy, when we found you, you were on the grass outside of Megan's dorm room, was her roommate inside with her?"

"No, it was just her when I left. After she told me everything, I couldn't handle it and I bailed on her. She was alone."

"I don't want to sound like a bitch here, but knowing how protective you are of her, why would you leave her alone knowing what you know about Cooper and the fact that he is in town this very minute probably looking for her?"

The magnitude of what I had done hit me then, in full force. The very thing that I had sworn to both Cheryl and to myself that I wouldn't do that night, I had done. I had left her alone, knowing that her roommate wouldn't be back until the wee hours of the morning. I had walked out on the woman I claimed to love because I couldn't handle everything she'd told me and I'd basically left her to fend for herself if Cooper did show up. It wasn't just if he would show up though, I knew it as easily as I knew my name that it was only a matter of when he would show up and with her being alone right now, there could be no better time.

Cheryl was right. What had I been thinking doing it the way I had? If anything happened to her because of me walking away I'd never be able to live with myself, upset about she had told me or not. I was better then that. I knew that I had to answer her question but I also knew that any answer I did give wouldn't be near close enough to ease the guilt that was now beginning to weigh heavy on my mind so I opted instead for a different route.

"Where's Cooper now?"

"We had a couple of drinks at a bar, and we said we were gonna come back and pick you up from Aprils. He said he wanted to check out a club and we left him. So right now, I have no idea where he is."

I couldn't explain it but a uneasy feeling swept through me. Cooper was now loose in the town, with no one really sure of his whereabouts and Megan was a sitting duck in her dorm room, just ripe for the picking if Cooper had indeed seen her at Crimson's hours earlier. What if he had seen her there and that was why he had followed Blaine and Cheryl to the dorm? What if right now as we all sat around the room talking the way we were he was hurting her?

"We need to go back to her room, now."

I jumped to my feet instantly and made my way to the door. I knew that there was more then a little chance that I was overreacting and that we'd get there to find that Megan was more then okay in her room but with the feeling that was making its way through my body felt, as strong as it was, I knew that it was more then a little likely that it would play out an entirely different way.

I couldn't believe that I had been so stupid. Despite the fact that the woman I loved was married to another man, that her name wasn't what she had told me from the beginning that it was, it didn't change the fact that I did love her, that I promised her and myself that I wouldn't ever leave her alone again and that as long as I was around, she would never be hurt by him or anyone else again. I had failed her.

I needed to make that right, and as we all made our way from the room, all three of us running as quickly as we could, on the way to Megan, I only hoped that I got there in time to be able to make it right and if I couldn't do that, then at the very least make sure that I kept my promise.

It would be over my dead body that Cooper Anderson would ever hurt her again.


	19. Chalk Outline

**Authors Note:** This is going to be a darker chapter, that being said, will it be as dark as the one a few chapters, probably not, but who really knows. I'm going into that mode and will go wherever it takes me. This will also be a song chapter, but not a singing chapter. appropriate music for the win. This will also be a Megan POV chapter, because I've tried doing it from Sam's but he's not here so it has to be this way. FicTranslator, if you want to spend the time translating this fiction eventually, you've got my okay on it, in fact I'd be honored. Truly. As for the other thing you mentioned, the thought had crossed my mind but I never ran with it lol but now that you bring it up, it seems like a pretty big thing to leave out, though with the way I wrote it, she was just too fearful to tell anyone, even law enforcement. That being said, it's still a great idea. so thank you. So, now that I've written another novel in the A/N, on with the show.

* * *

**Musical Note: ** The song used is **Three Days Grace – Chalk Outline**. I don't own it, nor will I ever claim to, but come on, its an awesome tune none the less.

* * *

I knew it was a risk when I'd done it. Confessing everything to him. Keeping so many things buried for as long as I had was taking a toll on me. I couldn't allow it go on any longer. It had been the right thing to do and I didn't even question that part of it, but in doing so, I knew I was going to alienate the one person that had been seemingly in my corner even before he had known what was really going on.

His reaction wasn't at all surprising. I couldn't ask him to sit there, and take all of that information in on top of what he already knew and just blindly accept it without having it affect him. That would have been asking for the impossible. I hadn't entirely expected him to run though. Silence I could have dealt with, but being alone again, for the first time in weeks, it was something I wasn't entirely prepared for.

No one knew about the marriage. Just Cooper and I. He hadn't been as thrilled by it as I had hoped and once home again, cycled right back into his routine. A routine of anger and hatred. The darkness that no matter what I did to try and prevent it, always seemed to rear its ugly head. It was never spoken that I couldn't tell people that we were now a married couple but the more time that passed, the less people I had to even tell so it just never came up. I never took his name, so while things may have changed at least legally speaking, it never showed itself in any of our daily dealings.

I couldn't lie to Sam anymore though. After coming to terms with the way I was feeling for him and knowing deep down, without him even having to say so, how he felt about me there was just no way I could put this out of my mind and just not tell him. He had every right to know it all, especially if we were feeling as serious as I believed us to be. I knew that it would be enough to make him pull away from me and maybe even stop feeling for me altogether, but I couldn't just pretend it wasn't there. That it wasn't a barrier standing in the way of what we may have become.

Hiding my name from him had been easy. I looked at it much the same way as I looked at changing my appearance. It was what had to be done to keep me safe. To make sure that even though he may find me again, he wouldn't be finding me as quickly as he might have had I kept my name the same.

Seeing Cooper tonight, the ease in his face, the way he smiled before Sam had whisked me out of there and back to my room, it was like seeing the Cooper of old. The man I had fallen in love with all of those years ago. The difference now being that I knew differently. I knew that behind that smile was something sinister and that no matter how big he flashed that grin, it wouldn't change the monster that he was.

Being here in Ohio again, after years away, surrounding myself with the people that I had, it had somehow made me stronger. Not strong enough to fight off whatever may be coming for me now that he was back in town, but made me strong enough to know that the way things were with him, I couldn't go back too. I had to do whatever it took to make sure that I was never brought back into that darkness again. Though given what had just happened between Sam and I, which had now left me alone, the way I'd been when I'd arrived in town to begin with, I was finding it hard to summon that new found strength. I was at a loss.

**I've been cursed  
I've been crossed  
I've been beaten by the ones that get me off  
I've been cut  
I've been opened up  
I've been shattered by the ones I thought I loved **

Hearing the knock on my room door, almost like someone was out there answering my prayers, I immediately jumped for the bed and went towards it. Ever since Sam had walked out what felt like hours earlier, the one thing I wanted more then anything was for him to come back, to walk back into the room and tell me that no matter what I had told him before, it wasn't going to change what was building between them and that he wasn't going to leave ever again.

That vision was so paramount in my mind that when I opened the door, for a few seconds I didn't even register that the person standing there wasn't Sam the way I had been expecting. No, it was someone much, much worse. The very person that I was going through all of this for.

He was there. Cooper had found me.

Without so much as a hello, which I hadn't been expecting anyway, he pushed me back into the room and made his way in, stopping only long enough to slam and lock the door. Leaving us completely alone and me completely at his mercy.

"Megan, Megan, Megan."

"Cooper..."

"Oh so you do remember my name! That's..comforting."

He took a step toward me and my natural instinct kicked in. I immediately backed up, keeping space between us, backing right into my roommates dresser harder then I'd been expecting. As he took his next step, I knew there was only two things I could do. Defend myself and try and make a run for it, or let him have his way, the way I had so many times before that it was almost second nature.

I rushed at him then, still a few feet between us and I used all of the body strength I could muster to hit him, to try and take him off his feet. It would seem though that he had been expecting me to try something close to what I'd done because he immediately put his hands out and the minute our bodies connected, he grabbed my hair as tightly as he could and with his knee, hit me hard in the stomach, bringing me down to my knees on the carpeted floor.

"I see someone's gotten a tad bit braver since our last encounter."

**You left me here like a chalk outline  
On the sidewalk waiting for the rain  
To wash away  
(Wash away)  
You keep coming back to the scene of the crime  
But the dead can't speak and there's nothing left to say anyway  
All you left behind  
Is a chalk outline **

"Go...to...hell."

"Oh sugar lips, I'm already in hell. Being with you would do that to any man. Do you realize how much trouble I had to go through to find you? You didn't make it easy on me. You know what happens when you don't make things easy."

Oh I knew exactly what he meant by that but for the first time in what felt like forever I wasn't going to let him see that I knew. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me break. After coming face to face with him almost earlier in the evening and the subsequent break down after it, there was no way I was going back to that place. He would have to kill me first.

He grabbed my hair again, tighter then before and yanked me back to my feet, placing one hand on the back of my neck tightly as he looked into my eyes, his other hand now trained on my arms, so that I couldn't use them to fight back. Content that he had me where he wanted me, he used his body strength and pushed me back until I hit the wall, no way to break free. It was then he moved his arm straight across my neck, starting softly, but progressively pushing harder until every breath was a struggle for me.

I began seeing the black spots form in front of my eyes and wanted nothing more then to close my eyes but as my eyes began to fall, he used his other hand to make sure they didn't.

"Now now Megan, none of that. I want to you see exactly what I'm going to do to you. What your punishment is this time. Make no mistake, it won't be like any of the other times. No this time you've been a very bad girl and you need to pay."

**I've been cold  
In the crypt  
But not as the cold as the words across your lips  
You'll be sorry baby  
Some day  
When you reach across the bed where my body used to lay **

I pulled my hand up and tried to push him away from me but it was pointless, as the amount of air I was losing was tearing down whatever strength I thought I had. I managed to get my hand in his face long enough to weakly push against it, but it didn't even make him budge. I really was at his mercy, just as I had been so many times before.

"That's right, just stop trying to fight. It will go much easier if you don't fight."

He pulled me from the wall then and tossed me with minimal effort onto my bed and I knew deep inside what was coming. He was going to teach me a lesson and he was going to do it by using what he believed to be his one great asset, after his strong looks. He was going to use his dick. I knew I needed to fight but even with the ability to suck air back into my lungs, I still hadn't gotten strong enough.

I heard the zip of his pants before I saw it, a noise I was more then a little familiar with. There was another noise though, one I hadn't heard before but one that scared me none the less. Moving his arm, as he climbed on top of me, I felt the coldness against my neck and I instantly realized what the unknown noise had been.

Cooper had a knife to my neck.

**You left me here like a chalk outline  
On the sidewalk waiting for the rain  
To wash away  
(Wash away)  
You keep coming back to the scene of the crime  
But the dead can't speak and there's nothing left to say anyway  
All you left behind  
Is a chalk outline  
All you left behind  
Is a chalk outline**

**(All you left behind...)**

This man, the man I had promised myself to, a couple of years before, to love and cherish for the rest of my remaining days had a weapon to my throat and was threatening to use it, even if it was unspoken. The man that five years before I had met, fallen head over heels in love with and couldn't even wait to begin a life with. He was dangerously close to the edge now. The edge where the end result would be him taking my life.

I had known this day was going to come, which was the reality of why I had run in the first place but I had allowed myself a few days respite, where I had come to find out what it really means when you love someone, how you actually should treat someone and what real life and real love should really be like. I didn't want it to end like this, not before I had a chance to let Sam know just how much knowing him had changed me, made me a better person then the shell I had been when I'd walked, or rather bumped into his life weeks before.

I couldn't let it end this way. Not yet. Not when I had so much more to live for.

I screamed in agony as he stripped my pants off and entered me, roughly as was his usual. I struggled against the knife and felt the blade break my skin, realizing instantly that I was one step closer to the end. Using my arms I hit him, with everything I had, even though it didn't seem like nearly enough, trying to push him off me, but failing. He pushed deeper inside and I felt the pain like an explosion that hit all the way to my head.

"Stop fighting Megan. Just accept your fate."

"No..Cooper, No."

His full body weight was on me now and with that I gave up all hope that things would turn around for me and I'd be able to escape this nightmare. I felt the blade go even deeper into the cut that was already made on my neck and as I surrendered to the horror, I closed my eyes, doing the only thing I had left to do which was try my hardest to block it out.

"Open your eyes you stupid bitch!"

Slapping me, the stinging instantaneous on my face, I refused to give him what he was screaming for. No. I wasn't going to open my eyes and look at him violate me again. He might have me where he wanted me, doing what he wanted to my body, but he wasn't going to get my mind too, not anymore.

He hit me again and I almost faltered but stayed firm. I couldn't look at him and I wouldn't. He was going to have to kill me before I caved to him anymore.

As he continued with me, violating me in ways he had never even thought of before, I just focused my mind on the one good thing I wanted to remember if he was going to kill me. The last week of my life had almost seemed like a dream come true and there was no way, he was going to ever be able to take it from me. So as the darkness came to claim me, as everything faded to black, I focused on the only thing I had left that I gave a damn about.

I thought about Sam.

**You left me here like a chalk outline  
On the sidewalk waiting for the rain  
To wash away  
(Wash away)  
You keep coming back to the scene of the crime  
But the dead can't speak and there's nothing left to say anyway  
All you left behind  
Is a chalk outline **


	20. Inside It's Raining

**Authors Note:** So with as much as I've written thus far with this story, I have to say, that I see an end in sight. I've pretty much done everything that I set out to do with it, other then the last few chapters. So look for it to be wrapping up sometime soon. I'd like to be able to continue this well into forever, but you can't continue beating a dead horse. It just doesn't work. That being said, it's not over yet, so let us move on to the next instalment.

* * *

If I didn't get into that dorm within the next two minutes I was pretty sure I was going to break the glass in the door with my bare hands. The three of us had made our way back over here, in record time, but were now dealing with the fact that unless someone came along that had a key card that worked, we were stuck here.

The amount of fear and anger that were coursing through my veins since we'd left my room was off the charts. I was running on pure adrenaline now, praying so hard that I thought my head might explode from the sheer force of it. Praying not only that Cooper hadn't found her but that if he had he hadn't hurt her. I don't think I would be able to live with myself if he had.

Blaine had been trying his brothers cell ever since we'd left and there was still no response. The radio silence on Cooper's end only made me more fearful for Megan. For what she had waiting for her if she opened her door to anyone other then the three of us.

"This is driving me crazy. I've walked by this dorm how many times in the last few months and seen how many people? Why is it now, when I need to get the hell in there, it's like a god damned ghost town?"

"Still no answer from Cooper. I must have left him at least ten messages now. Where the hell is he?"

I knew it had to be hard for Blaine. Coming to terms with the fact that his brother was someone other then what he believed him to be. I also knew that he hadn't quite wrapped his mind around it yet. Which was the reason for that many calls. He was calling in hopes that at least once, Cooper would pick up and they'd be able to put all of this to bed. That he wouldn't be what I had accused him of being.

I loved Blaine like a brother but he needed to accept the facts, and soon because someones life was hanging in the balance. Now was not the time to want to see the good in people. The only thing this situation called for now was swift action, something that was most definitely not happening unless they could find a way into that dorm.

"Cher, find me something. I'm gonna break the glass."

"Sam no. Give it another couple of minutes. If no one comes then we'll call campus security and they'll let us in."

What she was proposing was valid but I didn't want any part of it. I know that both of them were finding it hard to believe that things could be this serious but it was, serious and it needed to be treated as such.

"Call security then, right now, because I'm not waiting another minute. I will break the door down."

I watched her as she immediately went to Blaine, grabbed his phone and began dialling. Trusting that now they were taking me even more seriously then before, I went back up to the front door and began pounding on it, doing the only thing I could, the only thing left to try. As I pounded on the door I began yelling through it.

"If anyone can hear me, open the door right now. Something bad is gonna happen if you don't!"

Waiting a few seconds and backing away from the door just in the off chance it opened, I waited. The guilt was just washing itself over me and the fear was compounding it, making it even worse. I had been through some horrible situations in my life, and forced my own way for some of it but it was nothing like this. I needed to get into that dorm almost as badly as I had needed to help my family back in high school the way I had. It was life or death, but this time, I had to prevent the latter.

Security showed up then, whether because of Cheryl's call or because a student had heard the commotion I had created and had called them, either way, whatever the reason I was thankful.

"You boys wanna tell me what's going on out here?"

I rolled my eyes. I'm not ashamed of it either. While he was going to show up and ask a bunch of pointless questions, Megan could be inside being hurt by Cooper, something I wasn't just going to sit by and allow. As it turned out Blaine stepped up to the plate, ready to give the security guard what he needed.

"My best friend," he said motioning to me, who by this point was in a full blown pace. "His girlfriend, she's a student here and a resident of the dorm, she's been having a rough time lately and we're more then a little worried about her."

"What do you mean son?"

"We think she might hurt herself."

As far as lies go, it wasn't the best one I had ever heard but one that I knew would work. With the amount of issues that campuses all over the country were having with teenage suicide and domestic violence, it would be one of the only things we could say that would validate our need to get into the building. I was never more thankful for Blaine as I was in that moment. He had just given me what I needed.

"Alright come on, but stay with me. We'll go check on her, make sure she's okay but then I want all of you out of here, regardless of what she wants. I've had more then one call about you in the last little while."

As he gave us access, I immediately jumped the stairs, taking them almost five at a time until I reached her floor. I stopped then, looking behind me to see where Cheryl, the guard and Blaine were and found them about fifteen stairs behind me.

"Go Sam, just go, we'll catch up with you."

Listening to Cheryl, I ran, as fast as I could until I saw her room door, complete with messages on a board, messages obviously meant for her roommate. For the second time that night I began pounding on another door. When nothing came, I put my ear to the door and I listened. I was hoping that it was nothing, that she just wasn't answering because the stress of the night had caused her to sleep, but somewhere deep down inside I knew better.

Call it a sixth sense, call it intuition, call it whatever you want but I knew something just wasn't right. I could feel it in my bones. Megan was in danger and if I didn't get in that room soon I was going to explode.

The others had finally caught up with me, as I pounded for the second time on her door, urging her silently to open it. That was when I heard it, it was faint but I was sure I'd heard her. What sounded like a moan.

"Anything Sammy?"

"She's in there, but she's not answering." Turning to the guard, I looked him hard in the eye, only inches from his face. "Do you have a master key?"

"Yes but if we go in there and she isn't in distress it could cause some serious backlash."

"And if she's in there fighting for her very last breath and she dies because you're more worried about your fucking job then the personal safety of a student, you're going to be on the hook for her death. Which sounds better?"

With that the security guard pulled his keys and unlocked the door. I was thankful that at least the man had the good sense to know which decision was best. Pushing my way into the room, I instantly smelled it. Most people claimed they couldn't smell blood but I was different. I had always been able to smell it, it smelled like a mix of rust and iron and right now my senses were bathing in the scent.

That's when I saw her, laying across the bed, blood dripping in slow droplets from a cut on her neck, as well as small cuts across her arms, and her stomach. Also visible was her half naked body, at least from the top up. Her bottom half was completely bare and seeing her this made my stomach sick. There wasn't much more of this I could handle. Finding the waste basket, I emptied my stomach while Blaine and Cheryl entered the room slowly, Blaine flying across the room quickly.

It occurred to me then that Megan wasn't alone in the room. On the other side of the bed from where she lay, was none other then Cooper, and as I made my way closer I heard him make the same sound I'd heard only seconds before outside of the door.

It hadn't been Megan that I'd heard. No because Cooper had left her broken and bleeding on the bed.

"Jesus...Cheryl, baby, call the police!"

My mind was swimming with what was laid out before me. I knew that given the way Megan was, I should go to her, be with her, and make sure that she wasn't dead but I couldn't do it. There was a fire burning in the pit of my stomach and knowing that Cooper was laying on the floor, still breathing while it looked like Megan wasn't, it just made me angrier by the second.

I got down on the floor where Cooper lay, Blaine to his left and I got in his face, all the blood rushing to my head as I did. I raised my fist and not caring that Blaine was practically in the line of fire, I began hitting the older Anderson brother. He wasn't going to be leaving this room breathing if I had anything to say about it. No, I was going to make him pay, for Megan, for me and for anyone else that he'd ever hurt.

"Sam stop!" Blaine pulled at me, screaming, trying with everything in him to get me off his brother but failing as I was too strong. I was at least a foot taller then Blaine and a lot more filled out. If he wanted me off his brother that badly he was going to have to find another way to do it. I continued pounding as he screamed at me again. I couldn't hear him as well though because the blood pumping in my brain, my anger spilling out into violence, had filled the room with only a loud thump, which I couldn't be sure was from me or from Cooper as I viciously attacked him.

"You stupid ass-hole. You want to beat on a woman, well now you're gonna pay for it. You want to make her pay for your own stupidity, well for every time you smacked her around, violated her sexually, I'm going to pound on you."

Lifting my fist for another barrage of punches, I felt two strong arms wrap themselves around me and suddenly I felt a breeze as I was practically lifted through the air, only feeling the ground once I'd been placed at the door.

"I know you want to kill him son, but that won't help anyone right now. We need to get your girlfriend to a hospital. With the amount of wounds I'm seeing, she's losing too much blood to survive much longer."

_My girlfriend. Megan_. _The entire reason I was here._

It all came rushing at me then, leaving her alone to be attacked again by the man she had been trying so desperately to get away from, coming into the room and heading straight for Cooper and not for her. The complete disregard I'd showed her. The guard was right, I needed to get my priorities straight. This wasn't about Cooper or my hatred of him for what he'd done, this was about her.

As the paramedics came into the room, the seconds feeling like hours, they surveyed the scene they were dealing with and immediately went to work on Megan. Strapping her to the gurney, the spoke to each other, giving orders, preparing themselves for transport. As I watched them load her up and leave with her, there was only one thought running through my mind.

I'd failed her.


	21. Sleepless Nights

**Authors Note:** This will be a shorter chapter then others before it, but hopefully just as good. Consider this a filler chapter, in the mind of Sam before I pick up and continue the way I planned in the next couple of chapters before ending it. To any and all that have reviewed and will review from this point on, I thank you. It truly means so much to me. On with the show shall we?

* * *

I remember a time in high school, where a friend of mine had been the subject of extreme bullying, resulting in death threats and even him having to change schools for a time. It was in those times that I allowed myself to get violent, and not think about the ramifications of my actions and even the actions of the other people in the fight.

It was happening again now, though on a much larger scale. Except now I had to face the end result of the reaction I'd had, and every action that followed.

I remember thinking back then, that if there was one person, just one that could stand up and be a voice for the voiceless, as Kurt was then, then maybe we all could put an end to the bullying, the anger and other emotions that boiled under the surface for so many of us. That maybe that voice of the voiceless could change the way high school had been run since the beginning of time and maybe implement some form of change.

I had wanted to be that voice but instead I had chosen during that time to use my fists instead of my head and more importantly my voice. It's said that one learns from their mistakes but in my case, it seems I'd never even acknowledged that something needed to be changed.

Of course Cooper deserved what happened to him. I don't regret a second of that, but as I sit here now, a week after spending the night in jail for the damage I did to the elder Anderson brother, it's forced me to really look at what I've been doing with my life, and the affect me not dealing with certain issues will have on the people around me.

I wanted so badly to be Megan's protector, to be the one person that would stand up when she couldn't and fight back, that I let it overtake my better judgement. While I think she needed me to be that person for her, she also needed me to be her voice. I should have told someone that night even, after she'd told me who was behind the abuse. I should have taken her with me, even with the impact of her bombshell and I should have gotten her help.

That's what a real protector does. They stand up and use more then their fists and their testosterone. They become a voice for the otherwise voiceless, and they do the right thing. Something that in a lot of ways I failed at.

I haven't been to see her. Even now, knowing she's in that hospital room, fighting for her life, at least according to Blaine, I still can't get up the nerve to go and see her. That night, seeing her lying on the bed that way, blood soaking through her bed and onto the floor it had shaken me to my core. I don't think I've been able to recover from it. I feel like I let her down that night, walking away from her the way I did and I don't think any amount of sitting by her bedside can ever make up for it.

I had the chance to be that person, the real person she needed me to be, and that I want to be for not only her but for the world, for all of the people that are going through things that they can't deal with on their own and I failed at it. All of it. It's hard not thinking about how much better off she may have been if she'd never run into me that day. It's really all that can occupy my mind.

Cooper was taken to the hospital that night, and after a night of observation was released into police custody. Given what we had all walked in on, and with what I had been able to tell them about what Megan had told me previously, they felt they had enough to arrest him. I should have been happier about that given that every minute he spent behind bars now was another minute that he wouldn't be terrorizing Megan but I was finding myself at a loss to feel anything about it, least of all happy.

I was just at a loss. I had served no real purpose for this woman that I claimed to love and I knew that being there for her now, would only serve to make that better but I couldn't bring myself to do it. In the rare times over the last week that Blaine, Cheryl and I had had a chance to talk, it always came back around to our guilt. Blaine believed himself guilty for not noticing something sooner whenever he had been in his brothers presence and with as close as Cheryl was to him, she fed off of that and made his guilt her own. I had my own reasons for feeling guilty in all of this which really didn't help matters.

I'd called her family, thinking that in some small way, they would want to be there for their daughter but nothing had ever come of it. They had apparently given up on their daughter years prior and had no reason now to change it.

The only good thing to come out of all of this was, they gave their consent for divorce papers to be filed in lieu of Megan being conscious to do it herself. Which meant that once she did wake up, she would be free of Cooper, even if never entirely free of what she had gone through for all of those years. I was pretty sure the memories would haunt her for a lifetime, it was only natural with what she had experienced.

I know I've been throwing myself a pity party for a week, not putting my focus where it really needs to be but honestly, I do believe that after everything that's happened and what I actually put into motion that night walking away, that she would be much better served being as far away from me as she could get. I can only cause her pain, or at least force her to remember something she should finally have the ability to forget.

If I'm honest with myself though, I was falling in love with her from that very first meeting in front of the art class and walking away would be the single hardest thing I'd ever have to do in this lifetime. I've been in love before, I'm so naive as to think that she is the first girl I've ever had these types of feelings for because she's not but the magnitude of the feelings, that is what cannot be compared to what I have been through with people previously.

I would have gladly died for this woman if given the chance. Hell I even begged God to switch places between me and her so that I could go through this and spare her. There is no doubt I would have laid down more then my life to make sure she lived and did so happily. Which makes all of this even more painful. I can still imagine a life with her, a happy one too. I can imagine waking up and seeing those peircing blue eyes every single day for the rest of my life and being forever thankful for it. There are times where those images are so strong it's hard to think of much else.

Blaine tells me that I should be at the hospital with her. That even though he feels he needs to be there too that the real person that she needs is me and I know he's right and I want to be there so badly that it hurts but I can't go there because I I know that all I will see is her laying there, her body broken and beaten and remember just how much of a failure I was to her.

Even with a week going by, I still haven't dealt with my own issues from what's happened. I haven't been able to come to terms with any of it and move on and until I can do that, I don't think me being there for Megan would do any good.

She deserves better then that.

Better then me.


	22. Unbreakable

**Authors Note: ** I had originally written this authors note to say that there would be two more chapters after this one, but given how I want them to look, I may have to turn it into three. That being said, thank you for hanging in there with me, the people that have, I truly appreciate it. This will be a Megan focused chapter, so flip modes for POV now, so you know what's going on. It's also a musical chapter, but not through singing, just a fitting song I think. So there's that. On with the show.

**Musical Note:** The song used is **Fireflight – Unbreakable.** I don't own it obviously, this is just a strong freaking band and I wanted to share it given the content.

* * *

I'm in a room, surrounded by machines, all making their own version of noise, no one machine less annoying then the next. The room is cold and even pulling the sheets up around me as high as I can as often as I can does nothing to limit my exposure. I'm alone, and even the slightest movement when I make it hurts. People come in and out quite frequently when they think I'm not aware and I just watch them, through just the smallest crack in my eye.

Doctors, nurses, and even a couple of people that claim to be specialists. I've seen the boys in blue, coming in only to be told that there's been no change in my condition and that they need to come back at a later date. Since I've been awake I have seen so many different people but there has been one person missing through it all and I have no idea why.

Blaine has been there every night, making sure I have what I need, talking to the doctors and nurses, keeping up on my condition and never wavering from my side. I'm sure some people would be concerned about that since other then one night, at least from what he's said to me while I've been feigning sleep, Cheryl hasn't been there with him. I know differently though. I know why he's here and also why he can't seem to leave even though he'd be better served walking away.

I'm no longer the only person involved that has been abused by Cooper. No, now it affected us all in ways that we needed to deal with. Blaine was living inside his head with his guilt over what happened. I'd heard him talking to Cheryl on occasions so I know this to be true. He feels he should have known more, done more to prevent what had taken place before and then on that fateful night well over a week ago. He'd be wrong though, because he couldn't have prevented it anymore then I could have foreseen it happening all those years ago.

I have no idea how I know the time, given that the drugs they keep giving me keep me pretty out of it most of the time, but since the minute I woke up three days ago, I've been keeping track of the things the people around me say and I've come to learn just how long I've been here and why.

When I first woke up, I didn't remember anything from that night. I had no idea how I ended up here, and even the reason why. I was at a total and complete loss. The more days I spend here though, the more comes back to me, and its hideous. It's also amazing I'm even here at all. I remember clear as day the way the blade felt going into my neck. How even knowing that I'd still tried my best to fight. The way the blade had felt when he had placed it up inside me, as I was on the cusp on blacking out. I remember all of it. What I don't know is, how I ended up with all of this bruising everywhere else on my body. It was a mystery and one that I needed to solve.

The bruising around my arms and even the upper part of my chest made sense, it was all from what had taken place when Cooper had shown up at my room at the very start. There were cuts though, across my abdomen, on my arms, along with bruising and other discolouration that I just couldn't explain or make sense of. Had Cooper continued his assault long after I'd passed out and if so, how far had he gone? Was I ever really going to be the same again? Would I recover from this?

**Where are the people that accused me?  
The ones who beat me down and bruised me  
They hide just out of sight  
Can't face me in the light  
They'll return but I'll be stronger**

As soon as I felt strong enough, on one of the rare times I was awake, I had decided to ask Blaine. There was so much I didn't know and even though I knew the horror that he was going through, he was really the only person that could give me the answers I sought. Well him or a doctor, but I wasn't quite ready to open myself up to someone I barely knew, even if it was in a medical capacity. I just couldn't. With Blaine though, because of what his brother had done, we were connected.

Getting answers from him proved harder then I expected though because in order to get to the heart of the matter, you had to first get past the barrage of apologies he just couldn't seem to stop giving. It was actually worse then I'd imagined for him as he really had taken it all on himself.

"I keep replaying the times I'd met you, looking for signals or signs that something was going on. Trying to see what I missed. If I'd seen it I could have stopped all of this. God Megan, I'm so freaking sorry."

"Blaine, you didn't see any signals or signs because I didn't give any. I didn't do anything but continue living through it and keeping it buried inside myself."

"Why didn't you just tell me? Or tell someone if you couldn't trust me?"

"At first I didn't think anyone would believe me." I stopped then, using the support of the machines help me maintain my breathing. With the damage done to my throat, every word was like walking through fire. "I just went inside of myself. I didn't think anyone would believe, or understand so I dealt with it, on my own."

"You tried running before though right?"

"Once. He found me after a day away and I was brought right back into it all over again."

"Why did you run this time then?"

They were hard questions, the ones he had for me, but every hard question had an answer, no matter how brutal and the only way to move on and heal from all of this, was to face it head on. Over the last few weeks, I had become strong enough, in mind and heart to know that.

"He was going to kill me. The abuse was more severe then ever before, the marriage not doing much to change it. After an attack one day, I looked into his eyes and knew that when I died, it would be at his hands and I knew I had to get out."

I watched as Blaine took in my words, running his fingers through his hair before placing his face in his hands and sighing. As hard as all of this was on me, being the victim of it for as long as I was, I sympathized with Blaine now. I wasn't the only victim because he was one too. Cooper had fooled us all.

"It's like I never really knew my brother at all."

I knew now was my chance. I had to get answers or at least more pieces to the blank puzzle of my mind from that night. Now that Blaine had taken a breath and the room had gone silent, I spoke.

"How much did you see that night Blaine? I mean, what did you see Cooper do?"

"Nothing. We came in and you were already passed out, losing blood fast, and he was on the floor, almost doubled over. Whatever happened, happened before we got there."

Well that answered more then I thought it would. Whatever had happened after I had passed out, most likely even more horrific then what I had been through when awake, was going to remain a mystery unless and until Cooper told someone what he'd done to me which knowing him the way I did, would never happen.

"You want to know something Megan?"

"Sure."

"Part of me wishes that I hadn't gotten the guard to pull Sam off my brother that night. That I had let him continue until Cooper was dead. With as angry as Sam was, I know that's what would have happened and the only reason Cooper is even alive right now, and in jail is because I still felt some form of loyalty to him."

**God, I want to dream again  
Take me where I've never been  
I want to go there  
This time I'm not scared  
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable  
No one can touch me  
Nothing can stop me **

How many times had I said and done that exact same thing where Cooper was concerned? How many times had I gone back willingly even, knowing that it would never change because I loved him, because I felt loyal to him and didn't want to leave him alone. Some people would see me and even Blaine as sick given the way we felt about him even knowing what he was capable of but the truth is, we were just being human. Cooper meant something to the both of us, despite how dark he really was and at the end of the day, we wanted to both be able to say we were the reason he changed, that he became a better man.

I knew that was impossible. He may be able to change over a long period of time but for right now and for the five years before it, it just wasn't possible. He had to want to change and given how far he had really taken things, there was no doubt in my mind that he wasn't ready to do that. I was only thankful now that he was somewhere that he couldn't hurt anyone ever again. Me included.

"He's your brother and no matter what he did, that doesn't change. You love him, you will always love him. Blaine, I don't blame you for that, for any of it. This was me and this was him and no one else."

"Then why do I feel so sick, for feeling the way that I do?"

"Because you're human, but Blaine, you've gotta stop blaming yourself."

I saw things so differently now then I had even a few weeks prior. I was stronger now then I ever was, my actions that night proved it. I was changing, I wasn't the same wallflower he had taken advantage of anymore. I was more then that. I wanted to be more then that and it was showing itself in small ways already. We were all blaming ourselves for what happened that night. Me for opening the door and not fighting even harder, not seeing his movements coming, Blaine for not realizing what was going on sooner and Sam, though given that I hadn't seen him since earlier that night, I had no idea just how far Sam's guilt ran. Only knowing that it was all misplaced.

I was alive. I was broken, there was no doubt about that but if it hadn't been for Sam, Cheryl and Blaine, I wouldn't be where I am right now, getting the help I need and seeing this part of my life play out more positively then it had in years. I wouldn't be me if it hadn't been for them and the time had come for them all to realize it and stop letting the fear and guilt consume them.

**Sometimes it's hard to just keep going  
But faith is moving without knowing  
Can I trust what I can't see?  
To reach my destiny  
I want to take control but I know better **

"Why isn't he here Blaine?"

I know the question was out of left field but I also knew that Blaine would know who I was talking about and would most likely even understand my need to know. To have answers.

When I woke up, the first person on my mind had been him. In such a short period of time we had been through so much together and I had become attached to that. More then attached if I was truly honest with myself. I was in love with this guy, who for two weeks had made it his mission to protect me, not only from Cooper but from myself. I needed to see him, I needed to see that he was alright and not having him here to do that, it was beginning to wear on me more then I wanted to admit.

It had always been a risk, him not wanting anything to do with me after all of this was said and done. In keeping things from him, even for a few extra days, I had put the wheels in motion where he would want to run as far away from me as his legs could carry him and I knew I had to come to terms with that, live with the consequences of my actions but there was still a small part of me that hoped for something better.

For him to be here by my side.

"He feels like he failed you Megan. That in leaving you alone that night he put this all in motion. He feels that all of this is his fault. We're all taking blame for things, but Sam is actually lost in it. He can't see around it. It's become more a part of him now then breathing. I've tried getting him to come here, to at least see you, before and after you woke up but he couldn't do it. He feels he's serving you better not being around."

**God, I want to dream again  
Take me where I've never been  
I want to go there  
This time I'm not scared  
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable  
No one can touch me  
Nothing can stop me **

"He's wrong."

"You know that, and I know that but until he knows that, nothing is going to change. I've known him for a long time, and the one thing I know about him is, he's extremely protective of people that he cares about but when they get hurt, he takes on their pain as his own until it close to kills him. He's just that way. What happened with you, coupled with the way he feels about you, well it's broken him Megan."

I didn't want to hear that. I didn't want to hear that going through all of this with me had broken him. That this guy, a truly beautiful human being, inside and out was now a shell of his former self because of me and what I had brought him into. I didn't regret much in my life, only a few things, but this one surpassed all of them. If I had just done things differently a couple of weeks ago, we wouldn't be where we are now.

"So that's it then."

"God I wish it wasn't but right now, given the way he is, I think you're right."

It shouldn't be happening this way. I was safe now, away from Cooper, away from the darkness that had consumed my life for the past five years. I was finally free to be able to pick up and rebuild, even though it wasn't going to be easy and I realized as I sat there, that I didn't want to do that rebuilding alone. Not when I could be doing it with someone that truly loved me and that I loved just as much in return. It just couldn't go down this way.

"Can you do me a favour?"

"Anything."

"Can you tell him something for me?"

"What's that?"

"Thank you."

"That's it?"

"No. There's more but.."

It hit me then. If I wanted to make sure that Sam got the message, everything I wanted to say to him then I had to think bigger. I had to step out of the box and instead of making Blaine do it, do it myself, through Blaine.

**Forget the fear it's just a crutch  
That tries to hold you back  
And turn your dreams to dust  
All you need to do is just trust **

"Can you pass me that pad and pen over there?"

As Blaine did as I asked, I knew what I had to do and I began writing, not slowing down a second, making sure that everything that I needed to say to Sam would be contained within these pages. So that when everything was said and done, I could know moving on that I had said and done everything I needed to do from this moment forward. As I finished up a few minutes later, I looked it over once more before passing it to Blaine.

"What do you want me to do with this?"

"Give it to Sam. It says everything that I need to say. Even if things are meant to be this way from now on, at least I know that I said everything I needed to say. Can you give it to him?"

"I'd like nothing more.

The truth was, there was so much more to be said then just your average thank you. Over the last two weeks, having spent the time that I did with Sam and gotten to see a different way of life, I had come out of it a much stronger person. That if I could survive this, and still come out standing, then I could face anything and be stronger for it. I was no longer afraid of what the next days, or weeks would hold for me, only how quickly I could get to them. That was because of Sam and as Blaine left the room, hopefully on his way to find Sam and deliver the letter I'd written, I only hoped that the words I'd spoken would break through.

That even when the time came for me to walk away and start my life anew, that Sam could do so as well, free of the guilt of not doing enough and with the knowledge that not only had he changed someones life for the better through it all, that he was loved for it as well.

**God, I want to dream again  
Take me where I've never been  
I want to go there  
This time I'm not scared  
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable  
No one can touch me  
Nothing can stop me**


	23. Letters To You

**Authors Note: ** I'm a believer, though wasn't always one, that love takes longer then just a few hours, days or weeks to really bloom but as I've always known over the years first as a fiction reader, and then a fiction writer, its hard to create a love story and not have it move at least slightly faster then I would believe a real life love would. That being said, yes, this looks and even feels incredibly fast, and given the way life really is, I have to believe it would take more time then this, for Sam and Megan both to reach the point where they are now after only a couple of weeks but its fiction for a reason right? So for this world, it works. Truth be told, writing this from day one was hard for me, but somewhere along the way, I ended up falling in love with them falling in love and I haven't looked back since. I'm awfully proud of this story with an edge, and as I begin wrapping it up with this chapter and the chapters after it, I just want to say thank you again for sticking with it, even in its darkest moments. You are all truly a blessing.

* * *

_Sam, _

_I know what you're going through right now and I don't write this to make anything harder but I think there are some things that you need to hear. I would have liked to have said all of this to your face but since I am not being given that option, I'm choosing instead to do things this way. Before you read any further, please close your eyes. Take a deep breath and imagine me there with you, as I say everything else that I feel needs to be said. _

_First and most importantly, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being there when not another soul in this world was, and for showing me a world where I didn't have to be afraid anymore. A world where I could be me without fear, or judgement. Thank you for showing me beauty in a world that for so long I had believed to be a dark and lonely place. For giving me your strength without even realizing it when mine was at an all time low. _

_I know that you're blaming yourself, in very much the same ways as Blaine himself has been and the exact way that I did for five years. Please know though that you have nothing, and I do mean nothing to feel guilty about. What you did in the week leading up to what happened that night only helped, not hindered. I am here because of your faith in me and your strength and will and your ability to never give up even when you are being dealt the strongest of blows. _

_I'm alive Sam. I'm more alive then I have ever been and it is all because of you. So in the dark moments where you blame yourself for walking away from me that night, please remember my words, my own voice saying them because if you don't, then the darkness truly wins and that is something I will never be okay with. _

_After everything, you came back to me and there will never be enough words to express just how that makes me feel. _

_Despite how it all started, or even how it all ends, I know one thing to be true in all of this. I love you. It hasn't always been something easy to deal with given everything I've been through and what I face on the horizon, but it is the one thing that no matter what path our lives take, will never change. _

_I have no doubt that you will change the world, you will make a difference because I'm living proof. You changed me, inside and out and it's because of you and you're never say die attitude that I am even here to write this to you at all. _

_So take a breath, close your eyes again and as you do, let the guilt have the chance to wash away. Being replaced with the feeling of accomplishment, of love and adoration because those are the real things you should be feeling. Be proud of yourself Sam Evans, because you truly are a superhero. Not only that but you're my superhero._

_I love you and I will love you until the very last note of the very last song plays. _

_Megan _

I closed the note, rolling it around between my fingers, letting her words wash over me, yet again. Blaine had delivered the note over an hour ago and in that time I must have read it ten times. It was marked not only with stains from what I believed were her own tears, but becoming marked with my own. Once started, it would seem the floodgates were having trouble closing.

She had said all the right things. Sure, a lot of it was much the same as Cheryl and Blaine had been telling me for days now, almost weeks if I really thought about how fast time seemed to be moving, but there were things she had said that they hadn't. Yes, she had shared her feelings with me, but more then that, she understood what was happening with me and was even forcefully accepting that things may never be the same.

The guilt and the shame I was feeling over not being there for her that night was taking me over and she knew it, asking me instead to focus all of that energy where it needed to be. In knowing that even if I had walked away, I had come back and she was living and breathing because of that very action. Something that I hadn't had a very easy time coming to terms with.

She was alive because of me, and she believed me to be a superhero for her. Someone who she felt would change the world. Wasn't that the very person I had always wanted to be? First with my parents and siblings and then with the glee club, Kurt and now her? Hadn't that been the very thing I had been hoping to accomplish for all of these years?

Was it really possible that I had done it even with the missteps along the way? Could I really be the person she saw me as?

Reading the note the first time had been a struggle, it getting easier with every repeat, but I was still having a hard time coming to terms with everything that had happened and everything she had said. For the past week or more I had built this wall of shame around myself, of guilt. One that couldn't just fall easily. One that was going to take work and effort to break down.

I knew it had to happen, that I couldn't continue living this way as I was finally starting to get on my own nerves but I didn't have the first clue what to do to completely banish that wall forever so that I could move on the way everyone, including Megan wanted me too.

Staying away from her was hard, each day proving itself to be even harder then the first and there were times, even now, after reading this note that I wanted to go to her and I wanted to make it right. I loved her, no; I was in love with her and I knew that being around her made me a better person, even if I had failed her. So my mind; my heart; and my soul, it wanted to gravitate towards her and the light she could bring to the darkness I was now finding shelter in but something stopped me.

I couldn't go back to her broken and expect her to fix me given everything she had lived through. It wouldn't be fair to her. She still deserved better then that.

There is a part of me that believes that Blaine had been hoping that Megan's words would get through to me. That in some way it would unlock the door to what I had living with for the past week and was more then that disappointed when it didn't. What he didn't realize is that her words had gotten to me, more then anyone else's could have but I couldn't act on it.

The conversation from earlier, as I finished reading the letter the first time around, still played paramount in my mind. I couldn't help but feel that not only was I letting her down, yet again, but that I was also letting down the guy I trusted most in the world right along with her.

"_She really wrote this?"_

"_Every word. At first she just wanted me to tell you thank you but after a couple of minutes, she realized that there was a lot more she wanted to say."_

"_Wow. Okay."_

"_Is that really all you have to say?"_

"_What do you want me to say Blaine? What would make you feel better here?"_

"_That whatever she said to you in that note got through to you, the same way she's been getting through to me about my own baggage about all of this. You're not the only one affected here man. We all are."_

_I knew that he was right. I was being selfish in the way I wasn't acknowledging that everyone else held some portion of pain in the situation but right now, dealing in the singular, with my own pain was the only way I could cope. The only way I could stand without falling apart. _

"_I know that."_

"_Do you Sam? Do you know that or are you just saying whatever you think I want to hear?"_

"_I KNOW IT! Jeez Blaine."_

"_Fine. If you know it then is there anything you want me to tell her when I go back tonight to visit her?"_

_If I was honest, there were so many different things, feelings and emotions that I wanted to convey to her after reading her words but I knew that I couldn't ask Blaine to do it. That I just couldn't let them flow from my mind and go back to her. I just wasn't there yet. Not the way I really think she wanted and needed me to be. I was still too much of a mess._

"_No, don't say anything to her."_

It was in that moment that I knew I was beginning to lose him. That Blaine was having a hard time standing by me as I pushed him and the woman I loved away. I knew it was wrong, that there was so much going on inside of me that if they knew they might be able to help with or at the very least understand, but I just couldn't open up and let them see it.

I just wasn't there yet.


	24. Love In A Hopeless Place

**Authors Note:** This is going to be a very long chapter as opposed to the other chapters before it. It will contain two songs and a whole lot of writing. It will also have two different perspectives, POV if you will, starting first with Megan, then after a divide marker in the chapter, Sam's. That being said, there will still be one more chapter after this one, so be on the lookout for that one sometime tomorrow as I have yet to write it. Thank you for any and all attention this fiction has received. I appreciate it.

**Musical Note:** Two songs, of which I own neither. **Bon Jovi – Thank You For Loving Me & Framing Hanley – Fool With Dreams. **If you haven't heard them, give them a try.

* * *

Well I was here again. Where it all began for me. The place that three short weeks ago, I thought I would never see again. I had lived through unspeakable horrors, coming out stronger then ever and standing here now, I was a completely different person but in only the best of ways. I was standing here again as Megan Winchester, not as the persona I had hidden under months before. More then all of that though, I was free.

I had been released from the hospital and back into my dorm only two weeks prior and more then well on my way to physical recovery. As per the terms of my release I had been given an appointment with a therapist and taking the opportunity, I had already been in to see her and while I wasn't quite where I wanted to be, I was getting there emotionally. The scars of my past may take forever to heal but the point was that they would heal. Time no longer mattered because I no longer feared it. Or at least the lack of it. No, now I welcomed the time, because there seemed to be for me an unlimited supply.

Adjusting back into college life was easy, as I had always hoped I'd be able to do this again and having the chance now, I dived in with both feet and found myself thoroughly enjoying it. I felt like a kid again, experiencing real life for the very first time and there was no turning back.

I'd seen him around campus, when he didn't think anyone was watching. He went from class to class, not really deviating much off schedule. After returning to Crimson's I had come to find out he'd up and quit his job only a week or so before I'd come back. He was still hurting and knowing that and not being able to do anything more then I'd already tried to do, well it broke my heart. I wanted so much more for him and seeing him crawling up inside of himself instead of back out into the world was devastating.

During that time, after being pushed away by him, Blaine and I had gotten closer. On the weekends when he could make it down to see Cheryl, the three of us spent an enormous amount of time together. Blaine often said the way we all hung out reminded him of the way Sam had been with them before he had pulled away. I couldn't ease their pain in that regard but I did know I was more then thankful to now have these two amazing people in my life. I didn't know where I'd be without them.

So when Blaine had suggested making our way back to Crimson's for their Open Mic Night, I was more then open to the idea. So much had changed in such a short period of time and getting back into real life the way I was attempting meant that I had to open myself back up to actually doing things I enjoyed again, one of which had always been music. With the threat of Cooper nullified; at least until he made his first court appearance in a month, I knew it was my chance to follow my own dreams.

As I said, I was free.

In fact, ever since Blaine had mentioned coming back here, I had begun working on song choices that I could sing. It was like putting a kid in a candy store the way I began throwing myself into my dream again. So many songs, and so little time had become my motto as I poured through hours and hours of music, searching for just the right song.

As I sat at the table now, surrounded by my new best friends, I knew that the choice I had made, well it had been the right one. Both Blaine and Sam had told me on my first visit here that there would be no judgement inside of these walls and as I sat and waited for the night to begin, I felt secure in that statement.

There was only one thing missing from this picture of my life though. The one thing that had it been there would have truly made this night, these last few weeks worth it.

Him.

Sam Evans.

Despite all of my talk of being okay with him moving on, us going our separate ways; not having him around really was hurting me inside. I was still haunted daily not by nightmares of my past the way that most would expect, but by the dreams of a future that I had imagined from the very first time Sam had touched me. Not having him here now, when I was doing so much better made the experience emptier then I'd ever wanted it to be.

The night would still go on of course, as the days before it had moved on but it didn't make the want and need to have Sam here beside me any weaker. In fact it just made it stronger. Being here now, in the place where we'd admitted so much to each other; opened up even, I was more open to feeling the loss that his absence provided.

"Are you sure that you're up to this Megan? We can always find something else to do."

There he was; Blaine Anderson; resident mind reader.

"I'm sure Blaine. My therapist says that in order to truly move on from everything I've been through, including the failure with Sam, I need to face the things that I fear the most. In this instance, the places that I fear the most. I need to do this. I need to be here."

"It feels off though doesn't it Meg? Not having him here I mean."

I nodded as Cheryl spoke. Of course it felt off but if I wanted to make it through this night in one piece then I had to stop allowing myself to focus on it. It wasn't doing anyone, at this table or otherwise any good focusing on it the way I was, and the way it so obviously was with Cher and Blaine as well.

"Did you finally manage to choose a song?"

"I was pretty horrible with that wasn't I Cher?"

"You were, but seriously, with as often as I stayed up late talking with Blaine or even Sam about music, I really didn't mind doing the same with you. As long as it helped and you found the right song then I'd say it was time well spent."

"It was time very well spent. Without having you, and even Blaine here with me the way you have been these last few weeks, I don't think I would have ever come to terms with everything let alone find just the right song to express it."

"You could have just written your own."

"Yes Blaine I could have, but then I would have been stealing your spotlight and I wouldn't dare do a thing like that."

Laughing with them, it was so foreign to me at first. The first time it had happened I just assumed the sound coming from my body was being put there by someone else, or else there was a laugh track playing somewhere at just the right moments. I hadn't laughed in so long I'd forgotten how truly good it felt and doing it now was no exception.

Another part of life that I was beginning to feel and enjoy again. It seemed that was happening with a lot of things and all I could do was sit back in amazement at being able to experience all of it.

We listened as Jared opened up the night, and watched with wonder as two people instantly took to the stage and sang their songs. I noticed that there was a piece of equipment mysteriously missing as each performer took the stage. Sam's guitar which from what I had been told and seen for myself, had been such a staple for Crimson's was no longer where it had taken up shop for as long as he had worked there. There was another one in its place of course but it just didn't look the same knowing that it wasn't the one with the memories attached.

After the second patron finished on the stage, I stood. If there was going to be a good time for me to get up there and sing, there was no better time then now, though I couldn't help myself as I stood, scanning the room hoping that the one person missing from all of this was actually here somewhere and would hear me sing.

As I reached the stage, watching as Blaine and Cheryl clapped and gave me thumbs up from the table I had just vacated, taking one last look around the room as I did, I took my seat on the stool, complete with the newly planted guitar that even though needed, felt nowhere near familiar. He wasn't here. As I began the opening notes of the song I closed my eyes. He may not be here but that didn't mean that I wouldn't be singing this for him none the less.

**You're a diamond, how I found you I still don't know.  
But now I got you and I'll never let you go.  
If your hearts a pocket looking for some change.  
My heart makes lots of sense  
Just stay quiet, Breathe deep, Breathe out, Breathe slow.  
Don't say a word.  
Let our eyes speak and they will tell you...**

**I'm a fool with dreams, and not a lot of things.  
I swear that I will be all you need.  
Don't give up on me.  
Give me one more day.  
Don't give this all away.  
We'll be fine, you'll see.  
Just don't give up on me. **

As I sang I let my mind take me back. For the first time though, the memories I let my mind take me back to weren't bad ones. No, they were the memories that no matter where life took me, or the rest of us, would stay with me forever.

_"Well do you want to sing again?"_

_"Honestly Sam, I haven't sang in what feels like forever. I just couldn't but getting up here and doing it, putting the fear aside it was the most amazing feeling I've ever felt. So yeah, if its okay, I would sing again."_

_"Then what are you waiting for?"_

_"Your guitar actually."_

_"Wait, hold up a second, you play? Why didn't you say anything? You could have easily done that song on your own."_

_"You didn't ask." I stated matter of fact before motioning for the guitar again. "Can I use it?"_

_He had kissed me then, lightly on the top of my head. The sweetest of gestures._

_"Knock em dead." _

**I'd be lying if I said that I'm not terrified.  
How the hell can I do as they say, and take this all in stride?  
Does this come with an instruction book?  
If so I need to have a look.  
Just stay quiet, Breathe deep, Breathe out, Breathe slow.  
Don't say a word.  
Let our eyes speak and they will tell you...**

**I'm a fool with dreams, and not a lot of things.  
I swear that I will be all you need.  
Don't give up on me.  
Give me one more day.  
Don't give this all away.  
We'll be fine, you'll see.  
Just don't give up on me.  
Don't give up on me.  
Don't give up on me. **

_"Why were you crying?"_

_"I can't tell you that. Sam, I think you're amazing but I can't. I just can't go there with you."_

_I made a move to get up then and his hand instantly came out, holding me in place, stopping me in my tracks._

_"Please let me go."_

_"I can't do that."_

_"Please don't run from me. I won't hurt you but I just don't think I can handle you leaving. At least not yet."_

_He reached out and using his thumb, wiped away the tears that were rolling down my cheeks. _

_"I can't talk about this, not with you. Not with anyone. You wouldn't understand."_

_"I was homeless. I was living in a car, and then in a hotel and I even worked as a stripper for awhile. I might not be dealing with what you are, but I've been in some pretty horrible situations for someone my age. So try me."_

_"Why do you care Sam? I mean really? You barely even know me."_

_"I don't know why I care, I only know that I do. I can't explain any of this but I have to know you. I have to help you."_

**I know you're scared inside, but baby so am I.  
It gets so hard to hide.  
I'm not going no where.  
I'm not going no where.**

**I'm a fool with dreams, and not a lot of things.**  
**I swear that I will be all you need.**  
**Don't give up on me.**  
**Give me one more day.**  
**Don't give this all away.**  
**We'll be fine, you'll see.**  
**You'll see, You'll see...**

In such a short period of time there had been so many moments between us. Moments that to me were life altering and ones that I will never forget about. Not because I can't forget about them but because I don't want to ever forget. Those moments with Sam impacted me in ways that changed me. Made me stronger and to lose them would be as heartbreaking as losing him had been and was.

**I'm a fool with dreams, and not a lot of things.  
I swear that I will be all you need.  
Don't give up on me.  
Give me one more day.  
Don't give this all away.  
We'll be fine, you'll see.  
Just don't give up on me.**

**Don't give up.**

As I opened my eyes, singing the final chorus, I looked out into the crowd and saw Cheryl and Blaine, on their feet already, just waiting for the moment when they could show their support and it was in that moment that I knew I was blessed.

It was in that moment, as they began clapping that I saw it. Or I thought I saw it. There was the faintest movement in the corner that had attracted my eyes away from my friends and once I locked onto it, I realized that I wasn't imagining what was right in front of me. It was indeed what I had thought it was. It was him.

Sam was here.

* * *

The first thing I thought about as I watched her sing was how at home she was up on the stage. How lost in the music she was and how that look suited her. Despite it all, she did have the voice of an angel and even with time passing the way it had, nothing; even my own mind; could have kept me away from hearing her do what she loved one more time.

I had fought coming here tonight. Not that there was anywhere else that I needed to be because there really wasn't. After reading her letter the way I had, for as long as I had, and not responding, choosing instead to push her and Blaine and even Cheryl as far away as I could, it had left me with limited options in terms of what I did with my time. Not that I cared much because with the way I had been feeling, it worked well.

For the first time in my life I had gone so deeply inside of myself that I couldn't see the way out. I had tried pulling my head out of my ass so to speak but I really hadn't wanted it bad enough. I had grown so accustomed to the blame; guilt, and shame that I welcomed them as regulars in my day to day life. The Sam Evans of old had died and had been replaced by this empty shell.

I had believed that the way I had been feeling would remain that way forever which made coming here tonight even more pointless of an endeavour but one I had made none the less because as much as I didn't want to admit it, I couldn't stay away. In coming here tonight though I had learned something, for the few short minutes since I'd walked through the door and it was getting to me.

That feeling of emptiness; inability to feel; that I believed would be with me forever could be altered. It had been altered because while Megan sang, for the first time in what felt like forever, I didn't feel quite so empty. She could break through it.

I knew this of course, her letter had broken barriers when she had written it to me weeks prior but it hadn't been enough to bring me back to the way they all knew I could be and should be. No, at that time I was still locked so deeply inside of my own despair that nothing could break through. Apparently now though, things had changed because the more she sang, the words hitting a spot in my heart that I had felt was frozen solid, I began to break.

My plan had been to come in and go unnoticed, leaving after seeing if she would perform and no one being the wiser. The best laid plans though have a chance to go awry and this was no exception. As I moved from my position buried behind numerous people that were standing around, all deep in conversation, I felt eyes on me and upon looking up, I realized that they weren't just any pair of eyes. They were her eyes.

The eyes that instantly warmed my frozen heart on contact. The eyes that I swear were looking right through me, seeing the most intimate parts of me that I had been keeping hidden for so long. The way they had many a time before.

She was as beautiful tonight, eyes shining, body glowing as she had been the last time we had been in this same room together. Singing, being in the company of people that were just like her really brought out the best in her and she lit up the room even more then it already was just by being in it.

I saw her begin to move towards me and I instantly made my way back through the people I just left behind. I may be feeling things I hadn't allowed myself to feel the last few weeks but that didn't mean I was ready for what was coming. No, I still had something I needed to do before I could let that happen. I only hoped that she would understand. Hurting her again, the way I knew I had when I had stopped seeing her without so much as a word of explanation was definitely not something I was prepared to deal with right now. It was actually the last thing I wanted.

As I backed away from her, almost running from her I felt it. The battle of wills going on between my head and my heart. I had come here with a purpose, I knew that but my heart wanted more then that. It wanted it all. It wanted what I had been denying it for weeks, following my head instead.

It wanted Megan.

_Who are you kidding Sammy? You love the girl, you always have. Stop denying it._

It was true. All of it.

I did love her, so much in fact that even being this close to her was causing me to react in ways that I hadn't thought I'd feel again. I was breathing heavier, my heart ached more and I couldn't resist looking in her direction now even though I was backing away from her at the same time. No matter how much time passed, and what had happened between us; what I had been told by her, it didn't change the fact that she affected me. That her every action caused an equally strong reaction in me.

It didn't change the fact that I loved her.

It was then that I knew what I had to do, and making my way through the sea of people and onto the stage, in the opposite direction of which Megan was headed, I was going to do it. No more running, no more denying, no more anything. I didn't listen to Blaine, I didn't listen to Cheryl and I most definitely didn't like to Megan but I would be damned if I kept ignoring myself.

I had to do this, not only for the people around me, the ones I cared about but I also had to do it for someone even more important.

I had to do it for me.

I took the mic stand, lifting it up to my level and immediately put the guitar around my neck, making due with the fact that it wasn't mine. It didn't matter what musical instrument I used though because all that mattered was the music that it would create.

"This is for you. Yes you."

I began playing then and immediately lost myself in the music. Lost myself in the memories.

**It's hard for me to say the things  
I want to say sometimes  
There's no one here but you and me  
And that broken old street light  
Lock the doors  
We'll leave the world outside  
All I've got to give to you  
Are these five words tonight **

**Thank you for loving me  
For being my eyes  
When I couldn't see  
For parting my lips  
When I couldn't breathe  
Thank you for loving me  
Thank you for loving me **

_"I'm so sorry. I need to look where the hell I'm going. I always do that."_

_I wanted to make her feel at ease, to let her know that she had no reason to be staring at me, that much fear in her eyes. We'd bumped into each other but it was nothing that warranted any of what I saw in her eyes, even as I spoke the words._

_"No—no, it was my fault. I should have been paying attention."_

_After grabbing my stuff, pushing it into my left arm, and bending down a little with my right to help her up, I was shaken as she backed away again. I had been around a lot of girls over the last few years and not once had I ever come across a girl that wanted to get this far away from me this quickly. I had no idea what I'd done besides the obvious bumping into her that could make her that fearful of me._

_"You're taking this class huh?"_

_I knew it was cheap and obvious but I had to figure out what was going on here, even if it meant acting like a moron to do it. There had never been anyone, ever that had been afraid to be around me, and I didn't want to start having it happen now._

_"Yeah, just transferred here."_

_"I'm Sam. Sam Evans."_

_She looked up at me then, those eyes, the colour of the clearest sky looking at me. Or the more I thought about it, through me. Her hair, dark in shade covering the majority of her face, almost deliberately, making it hard to see much around it. The fear was still present in her eyes though, but now not as strong. She went from looking at me to looking at my outstretched hand, her eyes clouding over just enough to make them change colour, to an almost glossy shade of grey. She was apprehensive, unsure of whether to trust me or not. Again, not something that I was used to._

_She made use of my arm though, and pulled herself up, again holding my gaze. It was then that she spoke, finally letting me hear her voice._

_"I'm April. April Rose. Nice to meet you Sam."_

**I never knew I had a dream  
Until that dream was you  
When I look into your eyes  
The sky's a different blue  
Cross my heart  
I wear no disguise  
If I tried, you'd make believe  
That you believed my lies **

**Thank you for loving me  
For being my eyes  
When I couldn't see  
For parting my lips  
When I couldn't breathe  
Thank you for loving me **

_"So, got any plans for tonight?"_

_"No, not really. Just me and a few hundred different paint brushes."_

_"Well if you wanna take a break from that, you could stay here for a bit."_

_Even as I said the words I knew they had come out rushed and awkward and I wanted to slap myself, but in lieu of looking even stupider, I opted to beat myself mentally._

___Just what the hell was going on with me?_

_"Thanks for the offer but I really should get back to my work. I'm already so far behind."_

_I couldn't let her walk out. I knew it like I knew my own name. I just couldn't let her leave. I wanted to know more about her, I just wanted to be around her. I had no idea where it was coming from but I just knew I had to see it through._

_"Every Friday we have an open mic night here. It's kind of like Karaoke but without the cheese. It usually gets pretty busy in here later. You should stay. Who knows? You might actually find that you enjoy it more then the art project."_

_I saw something in her eyes then, as I finally handed the drink to her. Something sparked in her when I mentioned the music. It was faint but it was there. I knew I wasn't going crazy even though I was most assuredly losing my mind staring into her eyes the way I was._

_"Open mic night huh? Anyone can sing?"_

_"Yeah. In fact me and my friends, we live for these nights. Even though technically I'm not supposed to given that I'm actually working." _

_I just had to get to her to stay._

_"You know what, you're right, I can take a break from the art project. It'll still be there when I get home, but the music wont be."_

_"So you'll stay for a bit?"_

___Real smooth Sammy. _

_"Yeah, I'll stay."_

**You pick me up when I fall down  
You ring the bell before they count me out  
If I was drowning you would part the sea  
And risk your own life to rescue me **

**Lock the doors  
We'll leave the world outside  
All I've got to give to you  
Are these five words tonight **

The more I sang the more I realized this had been my intention from the start. That when I'd walked through these doors tonight I knew that I wouldn't leave without singing to her and finding just the right song that said everything I was feeling when words were still failing me. I don't know what I had been thinking, walking away the way I did, over something that she had already explained was not my fault. I only knew that I couldn't do it anymore. Whatever I thought was best for her, for me even; it just wasn't.

Seeing her had done this to me. It had caused me to wake up from my self induced nightmare and see things the way they really were. She was safe, she looked more then healthy and she was still here, even though she could have left and gone back her home in Michigan at any time. She hadn't left me and if her song was any indication; on its own or paired with mine; we wanted the very same things. Even with the weeks apart.

I had to take the chance I was being shown. I couldn't let it continue the way it had any longer.

**Thank you for loving me  
For being my eyes  
When I couldn't see  
You parted my lips  
When I couldn't breathe  
Thank you for loving me**

**When I couldn't fly**  
**Oh, you gave me wings**  
**You parted my lips**  
**When I couldn't breathe**  
**Thank you for loving me**

**Oh for loving me...**


	25. Pieces: The End

**Authors Note:** So this is the end, the end of the story, the end of an era, at least as far as me and Glee fictions go for the time being. With nothing new in that regard on the horizon right now, this story ending becomes so much more then just another fictional ending. That being said, to the readers that I have had throughout this story, and the ones that may come upon this later on, I thank you for your support. Without that this may have never been written and I appreciate it more then you know. In a backwards kind of way this is going to be a music chapter, but not in the typical ways. You'll see what I mean as you read, but for informational purposes know this. The song is by a band and not written by me but will be used in the context of it being an original song by one of the fictional characters within the story. This will also be from Sam's point of view. Ending the way it began and all. Enjoy! On with the final act of the show shall we?

**Musical Note:** The song used within this chapter is **Red – Pieces**. I do not own the song nor any of rights to said song, its just brilliant and honestly with the way things have gone with this story, I believe pretty damn fitting.

* * *

Have you ever had one of those moments where life seems to be moving around you but you're still? Frozen in space and time, fixated on something or someone that almost has you under a spell, and any movement in one direction or another will make it all just fall apart?

As I finished my song and just took in the people around me, this is what I experienced. I felt her before she actually came into view and once I had, there was no cutting the invisible cord between us. The cord that even through all of our time apart, was keeping up tethered together.

I watched her as she made her way towards me, our eyes not leaving each other for a second. Time had seemed to slow though as what normally would have only taken a few seconds, seemed to be passing in what felt like hours. With every step she took in my direction she was breaking the distance between us, both physically and emotionally and my only wish was that time would move again so the walk she was making, the bridge she was crossing to get to me could happen sooner.

I came down off of the stage, headed toward her, moving myself in and around all of the other people that were sitting and standing about, no attention being paid while something so monumental was happening right around them. As I found myself in a clearing, away from the groups of people, away from the noise they were all creating I stopped and just waited.

She reached me then and without even a seconds thought she wrapped her arms around my neck, tighter then she'd ever done before in our brief time together and I found myself instantly doing the same, only tighter. Now that she was here, in my arms again, I couldn't and wouldn't let her go again.

"You're really here."

Her words, whispered so breathlessly into my ear warmed me. My first real feeling of warmth in so many weeks. A feeling I had missed more then I'd been able to let on and yet another thing I wanted to grasp onto and never let go of. It wasn't so much that she'd said it, but that it had been exactly the same thing that I had been thinking and she had been the one to manifest it from my mind without even realizing it.

"Where else would I be?"

I felt as her grip around me tightened and I answered back in kind. I knew that we needed to talk and that in order to do that we were going to have to break away from each other, or at least out of the embrace so that we could do it but I wanted nothing more in the moment then to just continue holding her. The longer I did, the more real this would become to me.

The fact that after the last few weeks, she was here, in my arms the way I had always wanted her to be and she wasn't going to leave. Holding her this way, gave me a safety that I didn't even know I needed and I just wanted the chance to enjoy it for as long as I could before it was taken away, in whatever form it would be.

"Sam..."

Her voice was low, yet still somehow melodic even though the way she said my name was deeper then the way she'd said it before. The open ended way she said my name made me think that she had something she wanted to say but was unsure of whether or not to do so and while I knew that I should tell her that it was alright to say what she needed to say to me, I was unable to voice the words myself to tell her.

Everything that had happened had been leading us here to this moment in time, where we'd be in front of one another again, no more secrets or reasons to hide. It was just the both of us, in our own ways going through the motions of healing. Neither one of us willing to say die and let go.

"Walk with me."

She pulled out of the embrace then, placing her hand into mine and lightly pulling me towards the door. Feeling the ache as the space between the two of widened I followed her until we had made our way entirely out of Crimson's and even farther off the beaten path to the side of the building.

She sat on the bench then and as I watched her my mind became flooded with images. We had been here once before, twice if you counted the more dire time that we'd been together on the outside but it wasn't that time that I was remembering so vividly. No this is where I first got her to open herself up, to break down the wall she had so carefully built around herself. Not only that but this is the very place where I'd taken a chance and kissed her for the first time.

Time stood still again as I took in everything around me. Watching the wind in the trees, them swaying back and forth behind her as she sat, her eyes still trained on me, almost waiting for what was to come next. Her eyes sparkled, even in what was now the moonlight and I couldn't get over the affect they still had on me even after all of the time we'd spent away from one another. It was like a warm rush of blood to my head looking at her and I could feel my heart beating just a bit faster the longer we stood there, silence surrounding us, taking each other in.

"Why did you want to be out here?"

"Well, because I know we need to talk and doing it in the middle of an open mic night, with people all over us probably isn't the best idea. It's more then that though."

"What more could there be?"

"The first time I ever came here, and got up on that stage and sang with you, you came out here with me later that night and for the first time in years, running the way I had been, I felt safe."

"So you're telling me that you came out here with me tonight because this is your safe place?"

"Yes Sam, that's exactly what I'm saying."

There it was again. My uncanny ability to not only repeat what she had just said, only using less words, but my other equally as powerful ability to state the damn obvious. It would seem that even with the time apart my reactions to her were still very much in tact. In this case though I was pretty sure my brain cells were not.

"I don't know what to say Megan."

"That's alright, because I don't either."

"You..what happened that night...you deserved so much better then what I gave you."

Once the door was opened the words had no problem spilling out of me, even when those weren't exactly the ones I wanted her to hear. They were the truth though, as I was still coming to terms slowly with what had happened that night and my part in it but for this moment in time, I might have been better served keeping it to myself.

She stood then and came to me, gripping my wrist with one hand and putting the other one to my cheek, letting her fingers run over my skin slowly, before looking up into my eyes and speaking again.

"No Sam, I didn't deserve better because what I got that night was everything you had. In fact I got much more then what I deserved that night."

I shook my head, unable to believe in what she was telling me, and I had almost broke contact with her hand but she just brought herself even closer, never letting go. The last time we had been here this way, I had been the one comforting her and here as we stood now, she was obviously repaying the favour. For when she had wanted to run, or turn away from what I'd said to her, I wouldn't let her and now she wasn't going to let me either.

Having that kind of devotion, that level of caring shook me to my core. I wasn't used to it. I had been doing everything so fine on my own for so long that having someone give me back even a small part of what they believed I had given them, was almost too much for me to comprehend. It wasn't my first experience with caring but it was my first experience with feeling it the way I did.

"Don't run from this Sam. Don't run from me. Not again."

"Megan don't you get it? If I hadn't left you that night, then the last few weeks would never have happened. No matter how much I love you, no matter how much it kills me inside keeping myself away from you the way I have been, I can't erase what happened."

"You're right. You can't erase what happened to me but you sure as hell didn't cause any of it."

I turned from her then, moving myself back a few paces and instantly felt the shock as I did. My mind, my body and my heart were so in tune with what they wanted that in walking away from it, even a few steps was causing it all distress. It was physically hurting me.

"How can you say that?"

"I say it because it's the truth Sam. I was in danger of that very situation before I even met you and regardless of us meeting, it would have happened. I have no doubt about that. It was the way I was living my life. The choices I was making. Did I deserve to be Cooper's punching bag, no, but I didn't exactly do anything to actually stop it. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me and my own fear."

She bridged the gap between us again and wrapped her arms around me tightly. A sentiment that in that moment I couldn't return. I was still very much stuck living in the nightmare in my mind.

"Sam Evans, I swear to you. What happened that night in my dorm room was not because of you walking away. You didn't cause this and if I have to spend every day for the rest of my life showing you, proving to you that its true then that's exactly what I'm going to do. What I won't do is let you walk away."

"Why? Why can't you just cut your losses and move on with your life the way you always wanted?"

"Because you are my life."

There could have been a million things she could have said when I'd asked that question but when she spoke those words I hadn't seen it as one of them. Her words ripped their way right through me, right onto their intended target.

My heart.

"You really mean that?"

"Yes Sam. Don't you see? The reason I'm even here at all is because you believed in me. You first taught me to open myself up and trust someone again and then from there you taught me to have strength in myself. When Cooper came to me that night, even though I hadn't been expecting him, I was at a point where I was stronger then ever. I wanted to fight back and I wanted to win and all of that, is because of you."

"But he almost killed you."

"Key word being almost. Sam he didn't succeed and I'm standing right here, arms wrapped around you. This is all real. What you're feeling, the pain and the guilt, that's not real. That's just your minds way of coping with the overload that my situation brought onto you."

She was right. Cooper hadn't succeeded and she was standing there, arms wrapped around me, mine still limp at my sides. I pulled her as close as I could in that moment and I wrapped her up tightly the same way I had only minutes before inside. Feeling her under my fingertips I began to really take in her words and the meaning behind them. This, the moment we were in right now, that was real. Nothing else mattered.

"If something had happened to you I would have never lived with myself."

I felt the drops on my skin as I said the words, realizing that I could no longer lock up my emotions tight. She was right, I needed to hear this and I needed to let go. The way I should have done the day she'd written me the letter given that she'd said a lot of the same things. Allowing myself to feel again though, it was almost as painful as dealing with the guilt. I wasn't sure how to handle it.

"Well then I'm thankful that nothing more serious happened then because I couldn't go on living in this life either, knowing that you weren't living in it too."

I could feel my knees buckling underneath me and I immediately broke away, making a quick dive for the bench. As I sat I reached out my hand to her and pulled her to me until she was softly cradled on my lap. I might be falling apart but I wasn't going to give up the contact that I'd made with her. I needed it almost as I needed to breath in that moment.

"I've never been here before Megan. I don't know what to say or what to do or how I'm even supposed to act anymore. Taking steps every day to just do the basic things that I need to do to survive is a struggle. I know I can't keep going on like this but I just don't know how to fix it."

"Say and do what you feel Sam. Once you allow yourself to feel then just follow it."

I brought my lips to hers then and pressed on them softly, until hers parted, and she pushed back, deepening the kiss. She had told me to do and say what I feel and in that moment the only thing I wanted to do was kiss her. To feel the way I had felt that very first time I'd done it and doing it now didn't disappoint.

My mind became a jumble but as per her words, I just stopped thinking altogether and just felt. I felt the way our lips felt pressed together, the way the deeper that the kiss got, so did my desire to go even further and more then all of that I felt the love and security surrounding us both in the moment. Everything else faded from view and the only thing left was the two of us and the feelings we had for one another.

As we broke away, both of us realizing the need for air, I looked at her. Really looked at her, as if it was the first time. She wasn't perfect, she was probably far from it, she would probably never be the same, nor would I, but at the end of the day, or night as it were, she was here with me and she was telling me in unspoken ways that she was mine and that I was hers.

"I have spent the last five years of my life believing that I knew what I wanted in my life and that I had it all mapped out. That I had everything and there wasn't anything that could be added to it that would make it any better. I was under the illusion that I knew all there was to know about the horrors of life and that small bit that I didn't know didn't matter."

"And now?"

"Nothing in my life is mapped out and I didn't have everything I could have ever wanted. I knew there was always a piece missing, one I couldn't quite put my finger on, despite thinking that it might have been someone to spend the rest of my life with. It was more then that though. It wasn't just someone that was missing. It was you. You were what was missing."

"What are you saying Sam?"

"I'm saying that I love you Megan Winchester. I think I've always loved you even when I didn't know you and I can't go another day; another hour; another second without making sure you know that. Or pretending that I don't feel that way."

Burying her face into my chest, hugging herself as closely as she could to me, I knew what she hadn't said. I could feel it. She wasn't backing away anymore, she wasn't going to run in the direction or tell me that what I was feeling wasn't valid. No, she didn't have to say a word because I knew how she felt, how she'd always felt, even without the words. Though as she spoke them, it took everything in me not to jump from my seat in pure excitement and joy.

"I love you too Sam, and I always will. No matter the road we've taken or will have to take. I'm yours."

"You're mine?"

"For as long as you'll have me."

"So forever is good then?"

"Forever is perfect."

* * *

Hey there! I bet you thought that's where this love story ends didn't you? Well it's not. Our love story, the way it played out, the ups and downs and the darkest of moments put us on a path that no matter where and when the words stop, the love never does. Neither does the music.

That night was so special to me for so many different reasons but as I sit here, five years later, allowing myself to go back in time mere minutes before I take my beautiful white gown and nervous legs down the aisle there is one moment that stands out from all of the others and its not something that until now has been shown.

Sam gave me something that night. Something he had been working on for the weeks we had been apart and had almost given up the hope of ever giving to me. Something that as I prepare for the long walk down the aisle to meet him, has never had more importance.

He wrote me a song and it was a song that as I stand here now, a mildly famous singer-songwriter, living out my wildest dreams in technicolour, with him by my side I am finally ready to share with the world.

It's so hard to show emotion, to really capture the way our lives were then and the way our lives are now but this song that he wrote me does that and more. Sam captured our love story in a way that will never be forgotten and for that and more, I know that I will love him forever.

_**"Pieces"**_

_**I'm here again  
A thousand miles away from you  
**__**A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am**_  
_**I tried so hard  
Thought I could do this on my own  
I've lost so much along the way**_

_**Then I see your face**_  
_**I know I'm finally yours**_  
_**I find everything I thought I lost before**_  
_**You call my name**_  
_**I come to you in pieces**_  
_**So you can make me whole**_

_**I've come undone**_  
_**But you make sense of who I am**_  
_**Like puzzle pieces in your hand,**_

_**Then I see your face**_  
_**I know I'm finally yours**_  
_**I find everything I thought I lost before**_  
_**You call my name**_  
_**I come to you in pieces**_  
_**So you can make me whole!**_

_**I tried so hard! So hard!**_  
_**I tried so hard!**_

_**Then I see your face**_  
_**I know I'm finally yours**_  
_**I find everything I thought I lost before**_  
_**You call my name**_  
_**I come to you in pieces**_  
_**So you can make me whole**_  
_**So you can make me whole**_

Our love story is far from over, in fact its just beginning, but for those of you that believe that true love doesn't exist or that you'll never find it, read these words and remember that even in the darkest of times, light shines.

Sam Evans was my light in a very dark time and he continues to brighten my life every day. It may not come in the form you're expecting, or the picture perfect package you've always dreamed of but when you find it, I assure you, you'll know and you'll move forward and never look back.

_Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be. _- Robert Browning


End file.
